September 15, 2008

Release the hounds?

It's finally on!  The Obama campaign has unleashed their deadliest weapon, Joe Biden, in a bid to blunt McCainmentum and take control of the presidential race.
 
But really, what does it mean to "unleash" Joe Biden?  Here are some likely scenarios:
 
Up from the depths, 30 stories high…
Perhaps Obama is setting loose a Joe Biden that has been hidden from the electorate lo these 30 years, one whose keen rhetorical skills have been kept hidden beneath layers of verbal missteps and hair plugs.  That Biden would be a forced to be reckoned with, with millions of Republicans fleeing before him.  But where was that Biden when he was trying to be president?
Likelihood:  Equal to another Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick.
 
Release the Kraken!
Granted, there's no cackling elderly hag behind it (unless you count Randi Rhodes), but it's possible that this is a good parallel to unleashing Joe Biden.  He'll run amok, destroy villages, and generally threaten his opponents until they're forced to sever the head of a gorgon and turn him to stone.
Likelihood:  Poor.  HDTV is less kind to hair plugs than it is to 80's-era FX.
 
Just a crummy commercial?
Don't forget to drink your Ovaltine, and other Democratic bromides, served up with some ad hominem attacks on the side.  Ho, hum.  He may not even replicate Lloyd Benson's success against Dan Quayle, and we all know how well that turned out.
Likelihood:  As likely as the Bumpuss hounds not bothering dad.
 
May you live a thousand years, Ephialtes
You know how some things just seem like such good ideas at the time, and then when you reflect upon them for a while, you realize that it was an awful idea and you're embarrassed to have had it?  I gotta think that Obama is nearing that stage right about now.
Likelihood:  While Biden won't lead Obama into a trap on purpose, that won't help when fifty thousand barbed arrows are heading right at him.
 
Remember the Hindenburg
Just as the flaming death of the once-noble airship signaled the end of lighter-than-air aviation, so too may future PolySci majors study the "gaffe attack" of Joe Biden and discuss just how badly he ruined Obama's chances in 2008.  Oh, the humanity!
Likelihood:  Explosive gas + static electricity = Biden 2008.

Posted by: plebian at 03:09 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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