In another move to help strengthen the flagging US economony and unfreeze the credit markets, President Obama today announced that he was issuing Executive Decree #4, instructing the US government and all contractors to henceforth work solely in the metric system.

"Today the United States declares its unity with the rest of the world," Obama read from his teleprompter to a group of silently awestruck reporters.  "With this move we not only give a strong boost to our economy, but we also help to raise, maintain, or keep from sinking the test scores of our struggling math students.  This one change impacts every single aspect of our lives in America for the better!"

He noted that the change was also green.  "Instead of cars getting an atrocious gas mileage of 20 miles per gallon, now they get 850 kilometers per hundred liters!"

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton hailed the changeover as essential to efforts in diplomacy.  "Now traveling Americans can easily and quickly change from US Dollars to French Francs, German Marks, or the UK's Euro without having to worry about confusing and contradictory currency conversions based on the length of King George's fingers."

Vice President Joe Biden, who had pushed for the move since before the inaguration, told reporters that "now I know how many ounces make a furlong: six hundred!" 

The White House announced that Secretary of Energy Steven Chu will also take on the role of "Metric Czar", as he is the only "scientific-type dude" who understands the conversions between the various and sundry units.

To mark the announcement, Obama issued another of his patented wisecracks, remarking that "as my Economic Advisor Larry Summers is fond of saying, the metric system is so simple that even math retards and women can use it!"

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