by Joseph Gerbels, AP Writer
 
A study by the White House Counsel on Psychiatric Health and Well-Being has revealed what many feared:  the Obama presidency has caused a massive upsurge in depression among Washington residents, with the number of people seeking treatment for clinical depression more than quadrupling since President Obama took office.
 
"You have to understand something about your average Washington Beltway insider," said mental health expert Christopher Buckley "they live a life of wretched self-loathing.  When a paragon of virtue like Barack Obama enters their lives, it's like shining a light on a cockroach: it brings nothing but agony.  Seeing such a perfect specimen makes them realize their own hollowness.  It's pathetic, really."
 
Experts said that the problem was especially grave among Republicans, who are either abandoning the party or simply giving up on their past pursuits, like torturing prisoners or stealing from the poor to give to the rich.  "They've realized we don't need a two-party system," said one Congressional staffer.  "since one party is headed up by the ultimate in human evolution."
 
In the true spirit of politics and the NFL, though, more and more Washington residents are joining Be Like Barack clubs, which give seminars on how to emulate the popular president.  In fact, the New York Times has recently announced it is changing its format, from having a Lifestyle section to have a BLB Encounter page dedicated to following the popular groups.
 
Not everyone is so sanguine about Obama's perfection, though, with some wondering its long-term impacts on Washington mental health.  "My main concern," said one White House pool reporter "is that we only have three years, seven months, and seven days guaranteed for us to observe this model of latter-day perfection.  Is it enough?  Or should we begin amending the constitution now to appoint him our King for perpetuity?"

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