Because of narrow-minded prejudices and a fear of non-conforming speech, several bloggers have stopped following one of the Conservative movement's leading lights, Andrew Sullivan.
 
I, for one, will not let the boot-jacking cyber-brownpants scare me into silence.  That's why I am proud to announce that, in service to free speech, I am initiating a new feature called Dear Andy, where you can submit your questions and have them answered by this gobsmackingly insightful man.
 
Here we go:
 
Dear Andy:  What can you tell me about the e-mail circulating that says that Sarah Palin is actually the half-alien girl whose birth was shown in that documentary, V, and her sinister plan is to turn Earth over to the lizard people and their sinister Leader?  Matt Damon
 
Matt:  It's all completely true.  You should be terrified.  If you've ever wanted to explore the outer bounds of your sexuality with a balding, overweight conspiracy-mongering columnist whose breath smells like boogers, now would be the time to do that.
 
Dear Andy:  If Obama wasn't calling Sarah Palin a pig with his "lipstick" comment, what was he trying to say?  rEVOlutionary in Texas
 
rEVOlutionary:  Remember that when politicians discuss pigs, they are inevitably referring to the Zionists, who are descended from pigs.  So what Obama was trying to say is that he will no longer continue to support the Zionist oppression of the noble Palestinians, and that he will of course disband the sinister Israeli cabal that runs this country.  But he can't be clear about it because if he did they'd have him assassinated just like Grover Cleveland.
 
Dear Andy:  Is the stock market as bad as it looks?  Should we be doing something about it?  H&N, Lost in DC.
 
Dear Lost:  Yes, you should be cracking open heads and feasting on the goo inside.  You should also vote Obama, because he has shown the political courage to take on the big mortgage brokers even though he accepts lots of money from them, like a latter-day Robin Hood.
 
Dear Andy:  I'm a lifelong Democrat, but I'm concerned about Barack Obama.  I have a four-year-old, and after doing some research, I've discovered that according to his policies, she's going to be considered government property and be forced to work in a sweatshop during the day and then at night be shown mid-80's porn movies as a coercive "sex education".  Also, I hear that we'll have to go to Cuba to get medical treatment.  Do you know anything about this?  Terrence Kinsington-Whitfield
 
Terrence:  I'm sorry, what was your concern again?  That all sounded perfectly natural to me.  I particularly like the part about stalking small children.

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