Republican chairman Michael Steele today unrolled the GP's effort to recapture the House and Senate in the 2010 mid-terms by revealing his "Contract with America", a revival of the 1994 document that Newt Gingrich used to wrestle Congress away from the Democrats.

"We are promising a new dawning of politics in this country, and this is the manifesto that's going to show Americans what conservatism is all about!" Steele said during an appearance on MSNBC.

"We want to reassure women that they are important to the Republican party," Steele said.  "That's why we advocate changing the gender pronoun from Women, which currently makes them seem subservient by the repitition of the male gender pronoun, to Breeding Systems, which more accurately represents how we view them."

He went on to say that "the new contract also addresses health care for our most at-risk citizens.  Specifically, it says that we want the working poor, children, and the elderly exposed to harmful diseases as much as possible to thin their ranks.

"We want to acknowledge the changing beliefs of this country by modifying the pledge of allegiance to be 'one nation under a white God.'  We want to tackle the issue of immigration by forcing them to live in ghettos and making it legal for vigilante groups to hunt illegals on the borders like wild animals."

Steele also said that "We want to ease regulations on big businesses to allow them to pollute directly into aquifers and virgin forests, and we want to raze orphanages to make way for high-rises and luxury condos.

"And we promise to start three new wars every year until the world is subjugated at our feet.  This is the new Republican party!  Can I get a fist bump over here?"

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