As a concerned conservative Christian, I've been doing some research.  Like most rock-ribbed values voters, I've voted Republican in every presidential election since I was born, often committing election fraud to do it.  But this time it will be different.  Barack Obama is not the same candidate that the Democrats have proposed in the past.  He's better.  Purer.  Let me explain:

John Kerry fought in Vietnam, and only had the courage to fight against the war after he'd come back from it.  He lacked perspective.
Barack Obama has always had proper perspective on the Iraq debacle, and fought against it in the Illinois Senate, just like how Lincoln ginned up the Civil War from the same forum in order to emancapate slaves.

Al Gore was hesitant to embrace environmentalism, only truly going Green after he'd left his presidential aspirations beihnd.
Barack Obama's abiding commitment to the environment has kept him from holding an honest job or creating any value for his entire working career.

Bill Clinton brought disgrace upon the office of President by hobnobbing with foreign terrorists from Ireland to Palestine, as well as turning the Lincoln bedroom into a bed and breakfast.
Barack Obama promises only to meet with those terrorists who are also heads of state or educational-reform projects.

Michael Dukakis looked ridiculous riding around in a tank, because he was the only one in it.
Barack Obama couldn't even fit in his tank, because it's jam-packed with media members and celebrities.

Walter Mondale was so desperate for votes that he picked a female running mate just to get some attention.
Barack Obama believes that a woman's place is in the Republican party.

Posted by: plebian at 04:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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