Cletus P. Mudflap, who neighbors describe as a creepy lowlife, today announced that he was sorry for the worldwide financial collapse, but insisted that since everybody knows he can’t hold down a job and he drinks too much they should have expected this was coming.
 
“Even my own kin won’t trust me with money,” he said in a news conference attended by three disinterested reporters who were protesting Sarah Palin’s appearance at the UN.  “And I ain’t had a decent job in nigh on a decade.  But when those bank guys come ‘round handing out cash, what’m I supposed to do?  My mama didn’t raise no fools, but theirs shore did.”
 
Barney Frank insisted that Mudflap was completely wrong, and that the dissolute former dead-animal collector deserved even more money.  “I absolutely refuse to believe that the Cletus P. Mudflaps of this world are somehow a higher risk to give money to than the Richie Rich’s!  I refuse to!” 
 
Frank vowed to continue to use his political power to force banks to hand over money without even the slightest idea of whether or not the recipient had a snowball’s chance of paying it back.

 

“What’s the government for, if not for forcing people to make poor decisions that go against their best interest?”  Frank asked.

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