EU delegates from all member states held an emergency crisis meeting yesterday in Brussels, hoping to convince the Belgians to immediately resolve the governmental impasse that has roiled the tiny country over the last year.  Belgium has not had a stable government in this time, as frictions between Flemings and Walloons continue to prevent any compromise that will lead to political stability.
 
Now, however, the crisis has reached a breaking point:  the EU would like to offer Poland and what used to be Czechoslovakia to a surging Russia, but cannot reach an agreement on this until Belgium has a stable government capable of participating in the capitulation.
 
"The situation cannot be tolerated," said one EU spokesman.  "Belgium must appoint a feeble government as soon as possible so that it can immediately kowtow to the Russians.  We cannot continue to dither independently in the face of this dire threat; we must dither as one!"
 
Analysts warned that Belgium's lack of a government could mean an inadvertent war.  "What if they gave a surrender party and nobody showed up?" said one.  "Then Poland might get the bright idea to defend its sovereignty and start a war.  And I don't think anybody wants that."
 
Also hanging over the negotiations was the specter of American interference in what is considered "a European affair."
 
"In the past we have always resolved internal European affairs ourselves," said the German delegate.  "Except for only one or two minor instances in the early part of the 20th century.  We do not need American cowboys muddying up the waters of international peace."

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