June 11, 2009

Moron Pundit for President!

I have a dirty secret. 

I'm not a Republican.  Never have been.  While I have, with every opportunity provided, voted for Republicans I can say with great pride that I've never actually joined the party.

Why?  Well, for the only good reason there is:  I don't agree with their politics.  Sure they're slightly to the right of the Democrats on several issues and I find I'm more ideologically aligned with their leadership and principal cheerleaders but when it comes down to it they (and the Democrats, natch) fail completely to gain my single-issue vote.

No major political party is devoted to protecting my freedom above all other considerations.  For that reason, when I run for President in the 2016 election* I cannot align myself with either established party but must run as an independent under the banner of a new party called The American Emancipation Party**.

It is said that John Adams' original draft of the Declaration of Independence had, instead of Jefferson's questionable affirmation of our equality, the far more valuable statement, "All men are created equally free and independent."  That shall be the motto of this party and the goal of government if I'm in charge.  The entire system of governance will be directed toward the goal of maximizing your freedom and allowing the natural genius of human innovation to provide for the common welfare.

Let's be honest, both parties want to control your life.  They just want to do it from different directions.  Democrats*** want to destroy your economic freedom, your freedom to hate things or behave stupidly or have unpopular opinions.  The Republicans*** want to control who you get married to or who you have sex with or what types of research you can pursue.

They both argue till they are blue about which ways they should be able to control you and how the other side is fascistic for wanting to control you in their different, evil way.  Question:  Which ways would you like a bloated Federal Government to control you? 

Answer: Fuck you, that's which. 

In the coming months (and maybe years) I will lay out the platform of the American Emancipation Party and show you how a strict adherence to the superior importance of LIBERTY is the only way to produce a government that is equitable, prosperous and safe.

God Bless America!  Now, where is a baby I can kiss?

* - Am I joking?  Can a pseudonymous individual run for President?  Is this for real?  I'm not saying.  What I will say is that the goal of this experiment is to get people talking about issues and policy and not about people and parties. In pursuit of that goal, I'm as serious as a heart attack. 

** - All the good party names are taken, of course.

*** - I don't necessarily agree entirely with these characterizations without the disclaimer that they only apply to wings within the parties and certainly not every member of them.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:08 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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