September 29, 2008
Seems that drunk drivers in Idaho protect their own:
The car of a Caldwell police officer, who had made a traffic stop of a possible drunk driver, was struck by a second drunk driver on Saturday.
The officer had pulled over a car driven by Valerie Hughes, 55, at Lake and Homedale roads, when a second car, driven by Mollie Rose Montana, 19, hit the officer's car. Montana drove away with a second officer in pursuit. Rose initially failed to yield to the officer, but eventually stopped at Highway 55 and S. Indiana, where she was arrested. Officers charged her with DUI, leaving the scene of a property damage accident and felony eluding.
I thought only Wisconsin had this concentration of drunks on the roads.
September 16, 2008
I told him to put down the bottle of Everclear:
Imagine parking up your new SUV on a nice quiet street, to pop to the shops only to come back and see a man hitting on your car.
And when we say 'hitting,' we don't mean the kind with a baseball bat.
Can't imagine it?
Well, a drunk man was caught having sex with an SUV that was parked on a main road.
The man, who has not been named, was seen with his pants down and getting it on with the front end of the Toyota 4X4.
And he went at if for a while - proving that it wasn't just a hit and run.
I hear Toyotas have sideways vaginas.
Yes, he's still alive:
Chevy Chase said Monday he wants Tina Fey to go "even harder" on Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin than she did in her "Saturday Night Live" skit this past weekend ... and that he wants Fey to "decimate" her.
"I thought it was extraordinary how well she played her and much she looked like her. I'd just like her — personally I felt we didn't need the Hillary stuff — I'd like her to go even harder," the former "SNL" star told MSNBC's "Morning Joe" show.
"I want her to decimate this woman. This woman is, I can't believe there hasn't been more about it. ... It's just unbelievable to me this woman is actually running for vice president," he continued.
I want her to do to Palin what rampant drug abuse did to my career. She needs to portray her as an out-of-touch, arrogant, condescending asshole that alienates all who know her so much that she experiences the true hatred and disdain I experienced at my roast.
It needs to be made clear what a terrible person Palin is, so terrible that she doesn't have a career, friends or family at the end of a life that could only be called a terrible failure.
He then snorted coke off a hooker's ass, punched his agent in the face and called Jane Curtin a slut to the amusement of noone, as usual.
* - Well, he was thinking it. I just can't understand how a comedian can miss the point of comedy so much as to imply it should be used to destroy another human being. What a humorless, dour, pathetic failure of a man. Sad.
Looks as though some ladies in Britain went in to receive treatment for hair loss and received a little something extra from the doctor for their efforts.
Ms Franklin, of Windsor, Berkshire, said: 'He began to massage my shoulders and slowly his hand crept down until he had a full hold of my breast. Then he ripped off his coat and stripped naked.
'He pushed my face into his genitals and made a disgusting comment about seeking satisfaction,' she said.
'I was terrified but I knew I couldn't confront him because the door was locked, there was no one around.'
When Ms Franklin tried to escape, she said Mankoo grabbed her face and tried to drag her head down.
'There was a point where I thought he was going to strangle me because he had his hands around my throat.'
He finally let Ms Franklin go, but the ordeal was not quite over.
As she hurriedly put her clothes back and made for the exit, Mankoo asked for payment, and said she needed to be booked in for another appointment.
'I couldn't believe it, but I nonchalantly paid up as though it was the most normal thing in the world.'
Ms Franklin said when Mankoo was cautioned by police 10 years ago, she thought it would be the end of it.
'I couldn't believe it when I heard that he had continued to prey on innocent clients.
'Looking back I wish I had spoken publicly about it when it happened and maybe he could have been stopped earlier.'
The court heard that Mankoo of Thame, Berkshire, would tell women to strip to their underwear to avoid getting massage oil on their clothes.
He would then rub their scalp, neck and shoulders, and reach around to touch their breasts.
One woman told how Mankoo had removed her bra and also massaged her thighs and feet.
Keeping her eyes tightly shut during the experience, out of fear, she opened them to see Mankoo dressed only in his boxer shorts.
Another woman said he had told her that her boyfriend could not help her and that he would be her 'knight in shining armour', to whom she should look to for strength.
Mankoo asked another victim if she would like to meet his 'little friend'.
The victim told the court that she even resorted to telling Mankoo she had been sexually abused as a child to try and fend off his advances.
Yup. I would rather wear a rug or a hat than have to endure shit like that.
September 12, 2008
Seems mental atom-splitter Pamela Anderson isn't Governor Palin's biggest fan:
The former "Baywatch" babe was asked by an E! reporter if she she'd seen the photo of Palin, a proud hunter, with an animal fur in the background.
"I can't stand her," Anderson replied after rolling her eyes. "She can suck it!"
Oh, Pamela. She wouldn't want to move in on your territory. Although "it" is probably the wrong word when describing you. After all, the cocks you have sucked are legion. Or is that lesioned?
By the way, I would have drawn cock on her face but a) I already did that today and b) its like drawing craters on the moon.
September 10, 2008
In the world of celebrity feuds, it doesn't get much better than this:
The 30 Rock star started it all in a New Yorker profile by saying NBC head honchos pay more attention to Earl than to his series.
My Name Is Earl's creator, Greg Garcia, responded via Defamer by calling Alec a psychotic narcissist.
It gets better from there. Seriously, I can't think of a more pompous douchebag than Alec Baldwin. I'm pretty sure the mass of his ego is a greater existential threat to the Earth than the Hadron Collider.
September 03, 2008
Elton John gets a few points for dealing with this bitch:
Classy. Most pathetic part? She got that shitfaced on fucking champagne. What a light-weight little twat. I'm sure at this rate she'll never bridge that 40 year gap.
Elton John and Lily Allen went from co-hosts to frenemies - fast - at the GQ Men of the Year Awards.
The twosome began arguing onstage at the ceremony, held in London on Tuesday, after Allen indulged in a little too much champagne.
Allen, 23, repeatedly poured herself a glass of bubbly from a bottle she kept behind the lectern, prompting John, 61, to give her a lecture backstage between awards.
The "Smile" singer eventually began slurring, ad-libbing and swearing (dropping the F-word five times in a single sentence at one point, according to Britain's Daily Mail) when John decided he'd had enough.
"And now, the most important part of the night...," Allen began. "What? Are you going to have another drink?" John interjected.
"F--- off, Elton," she said. "I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!"
The five-time Grammy Award winner reportedly appeared stunned for a moment, but quickly recovered.
"I could still snort you under the table," he sniped.
"F--- off," Allen responded. "I don't know what you are talking about."
The drunker-by-the-minute songstress later interrupted her co-host's chatter about 82-year-old Inspiration Award winner Tony Bennett by announcing, "I'll still f--- him."
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