May 27, 2009

Moron of the Day: Wedding toasted

Boy, I sure hope that the blushing bride didn't make him wait until the honeymoon:

A Taiwanese groom died on his wedding day after having too much wine and beer to drink, police and local media said Monday.

The man, 35, an insurance company worker surnamed Wu passed out at home after drinking too much Saturday at a high-end restaurant in Taipei among more than 100 wedding guests, the Liberty Times reported.

[...]

Wu was hospitalized after his face turned black, the paper said. A hospital spokeswoman said he died despite treatment.

Ah, aren't weddings just magical? I tell you, I always get all misty-eyed. Especially when a member of the wedding party croaks.

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May 13, 2009

Good Thing My Bad Knees Keep Me From Jogging As Much As I Used To

Because I wouldn't want to have to encounter this.

A man driving a white Mitsubishi Magna allegedly approached a 17-year-old girl running on Caldwell Avenue at Tarrawanna at about 6.45am (AEST) on Tuesday, before similar incidents involving another 17-year-old girl in Pioneer Road at Bellambi an hour later and a 22-year-old woman in Meadow Street at Tarrawanna at 8.30am (AEST).

"Police will allege that on each occasion the man was ... masturbating," police said in a statement.

A 22-year-old Corrimal man was arrested a short time after the incidents and charged with three counts of commiting an act of indecency.


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May 12, 2009

Moron of the Day: I'm Feeling Lucky

After placing the pilfered liquor in the only logical location, our hero thought he'd do the police a favor and write down his name and address before leaving:

An alleged shoplifter with a bottle of whiskey in his pants decided to take one more gamble before leaving a Washington County liquor store: filling out a raffle ticket. But the gamble led police right to him. The man was charged Thursday with misdemeanor retail theft, resisting an officer and disorderly conduct.

After filling out the raffle ticket to win a ticket to a Slinger Speedway race, the 20-year-old also allegedly snatched two more whiskey bottles before he fled B&S Liquor in Hartford.

Owner Steve Jost said the store clerk saw the suspect fill out the ticket and wasn't going to chase him. The ticket box had been emptied the previous day, so the clerk opened the box after calling police.

Guess which state?  I'm starting to think I could do this category with only Wisconsin stories and have more than enough material. 

Update: Related.

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Teacher FAIL

If you do what we tell you to well enough, we'll punish you for it.

The teacher claims the assignment was to illustrate an act of terrorism by a foreign government on American soil.

...

District 70 Superintendent Dr. Dan Lere said students may have misinterpreted the assignment.

He says if a student, "actually did illustrate an act of terrorism that they might commit, let's say against the school, we've expelled students for that."
Uh, no, Dr. Dan, I don't think the kids misinterpreted the assignment.  I think you may have misinterpreted the definition of teacher when your district hired this buffoon.

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