November 19, 2008

So, Has Anybody Seen DPUD Today?

I didn't know he was a jogger.

Police in Buckingham Township in Bucks County say the man grabbed a woman who was out jogging on Monday afternoon and held her in a bear hug. He then fled in a small silver sport utility vehicle.

Earlier in the day, police say, a woman walking along a trail in Nockamixon State Park was approached twice by a naked man fitting the description of the man in the Buckingham incident. He fled without assaulting the woman.

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November 17, 2008

Moron of the Day: What do you mean we only get one?

In case you missed it, Donovan McNabb is semi-retarded:

Following Sunday’s 13-13 tie against the Bengals, Eagles QB Donovan McNabb said, “I’ve never been part of a tie. I never even knew it was in the rule book. I was looking forward to getting the opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game. But unfortunately with the rules, we settled with a tie.

“I guess we’re aware if it now.”

Breathtaking.  I wonder how many other professions allow such impressive ignorance.

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November 16, 2008

Moron of the Day: I fought the law and guess who won?

Yes, I understand the mysterious allure of premium vodka, but if you're not in that income bracket, maybe you should stick to the Val-U-Rite:

Police found Thomas driving on Water Street at 10 a.m., stopped his vehicle and took him into custody. Thomas was charged with fourth-degree shoplifting for the theft of the stolen liquor, valued at $241.78. He was released, pending a municipal court appearance.

Surveillance video showed Thomas entered the store on two occasions on Tuesday and Wednesday between 3 and 5 p.m. and took several bottles of Stoli Elite Vodka off the shelf each day.

The video showed Thomas sliding the bottles down the front of his pants and walked out of the store without paying.
Nothing new I can provide here, seeing as how I'm concerned about my house burning down.

But, still. There are security cameras everywhere these days. Dumbass.

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November 13, 2008

Moron of the Day

I'm ashamed to say the Moron in Chief's place had this before me but the man earns his award today like few others have:

Meet Kyle Drinkwine. The Wisconsin man, 24, allegedly became so incensed by a lackluster karaoke performance of a heavy metal song that he assaulted the singer and a second man, police charge. According to a River Falls Police Department report, Drinkwine throttled singer James Mischler, 28, and his friend Cyrus Kozub, 29, "over one's ability to sing karaoke." Though cops did not specify which song set Drinkwine off last week, Kozub told TSG that Mischler was performing "Holy Diver," the title cut on Dio's 1983 debut album (the band is fronted by Ronnie James Dio, the former Black Sabbath lead singer)

No word on if he was wearing a cape and scepter at the time of the incident.

(Also filed under Alice H.'s "wtf is wrong with Wiconsin" category.)

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November 11, 2008

Moron of the Day: The Family That Drinks Together

All get arrested for DUI together:

Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charges.

The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge.

Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.

Legendary.

(h/t: Boots and Sabers)

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November 10, 2008

Moron of the Day: You Mean Other People Have Tried That Before?

Okay, I meant to post about this over the weekend but got distracted and now it is in the comments to my previous post so here we go.

Apparently, Melissa Etheridge feels that she isn't enjoying the entirety of her rights as an American (Californian, I guess, but to her I'm sure there is little difference) citizen and as a consequence has decided to withold her half-a-million in taxes this year.

Singer Melissa Etheridge has come up with a novel way of protesting against California's ban on gay marriage – she is refusing to pay the state's taxes.

The legality of the singer's marriage has been called into question by the passing last week of Proposition 8, which reverses the recent decision to legalise same sex marriages. And according to Etheridge, this makes her a "second class citizen" in the eyes of the state. But writing on the Daily Beast, Etheridge says that the state will not receive a cent from her.

She wrote: "OK. So Prop 8 has passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think I am a second class citizen. Alright, then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen."

She continued: "I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state takes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds like that taxation without representation thing from the history books."

Hate to break it to her but she is taking that wrong.  The worst part is that she (and the MSM) seem to believe this is a novel thought.  They seem to believe that nobody has every before in America thought they weren't enjoying the fullness of their rights.  Nope, not ever.

By her logic, the following people should also not need to pay taxes:

  • Anyone living in a Fascist Gun-Free City like Chicago or any city that "infringes the right to keep and bear arms" in any way.
  • Anyone that is not a member of a 'victim' group that does not receive a job or admission to college due to unconstitutional* race preference policies. 
  • Everyone in America that could conceivably argue that an illegal vote cancelled their legal vote out.  This reasonably could be construed to include all American citizens.

I really could go on and on.  In the end, nearly every person in the country has some pet policy they believe is oppressing them on and would love to stop paying taxes in protest.

There's just one problem:  We have to.  I know this may be novel to someone with the mind of an idiot man-child but the American tax system includes penalties for non-payment.  We aren't all, in fact, paying because we just love contributing to laziness and illegitimate children.

You could even go to jail!  I know, Fascism!!!!1 Probably racism, too! What?  The Prop 8 Brigades hate black people?  Awesome.**

I just can't believe these people are taken seriously in political circles.  Their political ideology and logical reasoning skills are about as clever and calculated as Jackass: The Movie. 

* - Last I checked the 14th Amendment makes it illegal for congress to enact any law that discriminates on the basis of race, etc.  Picking one person for something because of the color of their skin seems to pretty clearly violate that.

** - Is anyone else having a Nero-playing-the-fiddle kind of fun watching the various Victim Groups tear each other apart?  I mean, it was always inevitable wasn't it?  Each of them grab for more and more victimhood but there is only so much to go around and now that they've reached saturation the only place to get more is from other groups.

Delicious. 

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November 09, 2008

I repeat, I am a chick

So I went to bed stupid early last night (read 8:30 p.m.) because I've had an annoying week and wasn't sleeping much during the week and was exhausted.  I tossed and turned for a few hours and finally decided to put in a dvd to play in the background.  You know, something calm and soothing that would help me relax.

My choice?  Alien v. Predator. 

Look, I would have put in The Lake House but that I would have watched.  And it has 100% less explosions.

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November 06, 2008

Moron of the Day: Sex Offender Lists

So you get a pumpkin on your head, take off all the rest of your clothes and run down the street.  Sounds like a good time to me!  Not so fast:

Boulder police issued tickets to participants after the 10th annual Naked Pumpkin Run turned rowdy Friday night and those found guilty will have to register as sex offenders.

The Boulder Daily Camera reported about a dozen people were ticketed after the naked runners started just before 11 p.m.

In the Halloween tradition, runners gather at a house to carve out pumpkins. Later in the night, they meet at a secret location (usually a nearby empty parking garage) shed their clothes and streak Peal Street wearing the pumpkins over their heads. In past years, police mostly stood by as the crowd made its way up the popular pedestrian mall, but this year police managed to catch some before the run began.

"We wanted to do something before (the event) got out of hand," Police Chief Mark Beckner told the Camera. "This was a good opportunity to enforce the law."

It is things like this that make sex-offender lists so fucking stupid and useless.  It reminds me of the 18 year old who got put on the list for receiving a BJ from his 17 year old girlfriend.  Fucking ridiculous.

That list is supposed to be an early-warning system to parents that some mega-douche just moved into their neighborhood.  Putting basically innocent people like this on the list waters down the value by making parents more inclined to ignore it.

But, I hear you ask, "How are we to determine which 'sexual crimes' belong and the list and which don't?  Wouldn't be fair to put some on the list and leave others off."

If you need to ask that, I have a helmet and a pair of REALLY sharp scissors I'd like to hold onto.

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November 03, 2008

Moron of the Day: Sky's the Limit Retards - You can be a Democratic congressman!

Jerrold Nadler says, "Let Russia invade Georgia!"  Why?:

"So let 'em invade Georgia. It's right next to them. Would we tolerate a foreign--a Russian army in Mexico? Which is more important to us Georgia or Israel, frankly?"

Actually, a more appropriate analogy would be us invading Mexico.  Does the congressman support the United States issueing millions of visas to Mexican citizens, then invading on the pretense that our citizens are being mistreated by the Mexican government?

Seriously, if this guy can be in the house, why can't I?

Moron Pundit for U.S. Congress:  2010.

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