July 20, 2009
In a small city in the Mississippi Delta, a board of aldermen were meeting to discuss the agenda and vote on motions. One alderman, Mala Brooks, wasn't happy about an item on the agenda. She launched into a long diatribe as a stalling tactic, despite Mayor Lowe's numerous attempts to move forward after a motion had been adopted. When she was deemed out of order, the Mayor asked for her removal from the meeting. (scroll to around 5:00 minutes to get to the beginning of the drama)
It should be noted that Alderman Brooks' mother was the former mayor of Leland and was defeated by the recently elected Mayor Lowe.]
Here is her dramatic temper tantrum in all its glory. WARNING: Racist language is used in this clip by Alderman Brooks.
So in order to avoid having to vote on immediate repayment of over $11,000 in unauthorized and unaccounted for expense checks written to her mother and herself, Alderman Mala Brooks (aka our Moron of the Day) screams for nearly 15 minutes that she hasn't done anything wrong and she's not leaving. The board voted unanimously that repayment be immediate.
Mississippi Delta politics - it doesn't get any better than this, folks.
July 10, 2009
“I don’t think people fought and gave their lives so that some guy can sit in his bedroom and be mean. I don’t think that’s what freedom of speech is,” he continued. “Freedom of speech is really about assembly — for us to collectively have an idea. We want to get our point of view out so we can assemble and I can appoint you to be the spokesman. That’s freedom of speech — to be able to collectively speak for a sector of people. But somehow it’s turned into ‘I can be an a****** whenever I feel like, say whatever I like, be disrespectful to people and not be courteous.’ It’s not good for our society. Not being courteous is not really freedom of speech. …
Coug... can I call you Coug? I'm going to ignore for the moment your breathtakingly retarded interpretation of the Constitution and bypass my almost sympathetic views about civility in society to get down to the heart of the matter.*
Are you not aware of how much you suck?
I mean, you have to be, don't you? All the name changes were obviously a ploy to avoid being associated with the previous anal excretions you criminally labelled 'music,' right?
Well, allow me to elaborate:
I'd rather listen to Bjork have a seizure for thirty hours than listen to that goddamned "Aint That America" song one more fucking time. After the fourty billionth time that motherfucking Chevy commerical came on I just about poured flesh-eating beetles in my ear canals to make the suffering stop.
I mean, let's be honest. Every fucking song you've ever been involved in is as pedestrian as a New York City sidewalk. Your flag-waving populism is as artificial as Hal 9000's intelligence.
The fact that you're famous is more insulting than Triumph at the Special Olympics. You have less skills than a level 1 Orc Fighter. Your more repetitious than a stutterer recounting the transcript of a game of Go Fish.
I once took a shit that had more personality and a vastly superior grasp of Constitutional law. It smelled better, too.
Are we clear on the sucking yet? Because I really, really want you to understand how fucking useless and banal you are. If you had never existed and your music had never been written the total effect on the Universe would be that people generally wouldn't consider Cougar a name.
Fuck you, you useless shit. Shove your folksy guitar up your ass and make out with Geisha Chainsaw.
Update: By popular demand...
GEISHA IS FACECOCK!
* - Of course, instead of limiting free speech to prevent people from being assholes, I've always supported a system based on the statement, "a well armed society is a polite society."
July 07, 2009
Just saw this headling on the Fox News Website:
How the fuck am I supposed to watch a "private" ceremony? Who knew the death of a bizarre, probably deranged musician would be more important than a possible revolution in Iran or the arrest of the Honduran President or North Korea launching missiles on the Fourth of July.
Its times like these when I wish the whole damned system would just collapse so I could live Mad Max style and people would start caring about important things again.
On the other hand, it is a testament to the greatness of our wealth and productivity and safety that we have the luxury to care about some weirdo's funeral.
In closing, fuckity fuckity fuck. Motherfuck, titsandass.
July 06, 2009
Authorities say a drunk, nude Lancaster man covered in his own blood was Tasered and arrested by police as he tried to flee Ventura County Medical Center armed with scissors.
Brought to you by Jagermeister*.
* - To steal a joke by Dave Attell.
July 02, 2009
courtesy of goddessoftheclassroom over at the Head Moron's.
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