October 30, 2008

Morons of the Day: Vietnamese Health Ministry

Just like a bunch of commies to let public outrage get in the way of good policy...  wait, what?:

Faced with mounting public criticism, Vietnam's Health Ministry suspended a widely ridiculed plan to ban short, thin and small-chested drivers.

The ministry had recommended that people whose chests measure less than 28 inches be prohibited from driving motorbikes — as well as those who are too short (less than 4 -foot-8 [inches]) or too thin (less than 88 pounds).

When the media revealed the plan this week, it prompted disbelief and scorn among members of the public, who envisioned the police pulling over female drivers to measure their breasts.

As Glenn would say, that's a feature, not a bug.

Morons.

Sign up now to receive your Vietnamese Boobie Inspector badges.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 01:37 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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October 29, 2008

Moron of the Day: How dare you accuse me of Drunk Driving?

I should go down to the Police Station to protest! 

Right after I finish this beer...

An Austrian man, charged with drink driving, drove to a police station to complain about the charge whilst drunk, officials said on Monday.

The 65-year-old had his driving license and car keys first taken away from him on Sunday after driving while over the alcohol limit in the northern city of Linz.

He then went home, picked up his spare car keys, went back to the abandoned car and drove to police headquarters to explain why he was unhappy with the charge.

"When the driver tried to show police officers what had happened the first time, they detected he was still under the influence of alcohol," police said in a statement. The driver was charged a second time.

Bravo!

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 04:21 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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October 24, 2008

Moron of the Day: A Day at the Museum

Did you know that the Field Museum in Chicago allowed after-hours private parties for college students? I didn't but I'm glad they do:

Students of Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management reportedly got drunk, vomited on the floor, spit at people, passed out and threw things at Sue herself.

"There was definitely some inappropriate behavior that occurred at the event,'' said Northwestern spokesman Al Cubbage.

In an e-mail reprimand to her fellow students, Andrea Hanson, a vice president of the Kellogg Student Association, called the Sept. 26 party "an embarrassment.''

Hanson declined to elaborate Thursday, but in the e-mail to classmates she described how drunken students -- "already too overserved" -- forced the Field Museum to shut down the open bar to try to calm the situation.

Students smuggled in alcohol -- filling trash cans with empty bottles -- and some students "passed out in high-traffic areas,'' wrote Hanson, adding that "students were throwing things at a historic artifact: Sue, the Tyrannosaurus rex, which the Field Museum purchased for over $8.3 million.''

Reportedly, they won't be allowed to return without "Breathalyzers, high security, and chaperones."

Stay classy, Kellogg School of Management!

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:27 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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October 21, 2008

Moron of the Day: You've Got Mail ... and Herpes

As a public service to the few of you who've actually had sex*, I provide you this link:

It’s not usually that easy to tell someone you have slept with that you may have exposed them to a sexually transmitted disease.

But a new initiative called inSPOT is seeking to make it easier, Medical News Today reported.

Through a Web site – www.inSPOT.org – the initiative allows you to notify sexual partners, past or present, of any potential exposure by sending free electronic postcards.

One of the postcards starts of with the message, “There’s no easy way to say this. . .”

And you thought you were getting a birthday card!

* - By sex I don't include the following: blow up dolls, yourself, goats or any other animal, robots (no matter how lifelike), Paris Hilton, or apple pie.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:07 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Moron of the Day: Truth in Advertising?

I can't really go into sourcing but I was just made aware of a man who legally changed his name to Mostamazing Mostbeautiful.

Tell me that isn't fucking awesome.  I'm changing my name to MostStupid NeedsMedication.

What are you changing your name to?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:37 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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October 10, 2008

Moron of the Day: Badass

Today I use the term Moron not as a pejorative, but as a badge of honor.  The recipient, well, read this:

"I turned [when] I heard a grunt. All I saw was eyes full of hatred … I had no option … So I stuck my foot up and tried to kick her in the face," he said.

The bear then attacked him, knocking him to the ground, and West soon found himself on the losing side of an ill-matched fight.

"I rolled onto my stomach and clasped my hands at the back of my neck. She tore into my skull at the back of my head, moved over and bit me on the left side of my body, on my ribs and left arm," said West.

Knowing he would likely soon be dead unless he fought back, the injured West managed to get to his feet and picked up a stick about as thick as his arm.

"I said, in effect, bring it on sweetie. I took one step forward — smash!" said West.

"I swung the stick and broke it over her head. She kind of stood there and shook it off, like she was stunned," he said.

"I realized if I didn't continue the attack she would knock me to the ground again and I would not get up.

"I swung my piece of wood like a sledgehammer driving spikes and I kept swinging till she was lying flat on the ground and there was blood coming out of her nose," said West.

That's right, morons.  This guy beat a fucking bear to death with a fucking stick.  After it had thrown him to the ground and mauled him. 

Badass.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:03 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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October 09, 2008

Fellas, Keep Your Ladies Happy At All Times

Lest they try to injure your genitals.

Her husband of two years, Ealy Jones Jr., sustained second-degree burns and was taken by emergency helicopter to Tampa General Hospital.

The couple was staying at a home in the 7000 block of Sixth Avenue Northwest watching Turay’s nieces and nephews, deputies reported.

[the wife]boiled the water as Jones slept and threw it on his groin area, the report said.

And, yes, the woman had been drinking.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:14 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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October 08, 2008

To steal from HA

Dude.

Posted by: alexthechick at 11:41 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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October 03, 2008

Morons of the Day: Goat Curse

Yes, all the idiots (including me) that were starting to believe in the Cubs this year are the Morons of the Day.

The magic of Cubs fan pain is that they build you up before they break you down. You'd think we'd have learned by now.

Anyway, it is time to institute Moron Pundit's Centennial Sucking Rule™ which states:

Any professional sports franchise that competes in 100 seasons of their sport without winning the title are to be removed from the league and abolished as a sporting entity.

At least then, the pain could stop.

 

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:21 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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October 02, 2008

Morons of the Day: Do I have to think of everything?

So we've got several Somali pirates in control of a Ukranian cargo ship and they won't return the weapons-laden vessel (or her crew) until they receive $20,000,000. 

Am I the only person on Earth that sees how easy the solution to this is?  It reminds me of the prisoner/corpse exchange in Israel earlier this year. 

What you do is you give them the money.  Hell, give them $40,000,000 in gold bars (the reason for gold will become apparent shortly) and send them on their merry way. 

Wait until they are back in their homes and the Ukranian vessel is under control, send a dozen predator attack drones* to track the bugged money and blow them and everyone they are friends with to hell, chunky-salsa style. 

You'll be glad you used gold instead of cash at this point because it will survive the explosions and be salvagable.  That's thinking ahead.

What's so hard about this?

* - Whatever.  Cruise missiles, MOABs, acid sprays, C-130's full of human waste.  The important part is that they suffer and die.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:16 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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October 01, 2008

Moron of the Day: Al Davis

It hurts because I picked the guy. I picked the wrong guy.

No, Al.  You are the wrong guy.  Raiders fans should get used to sucking until you realize that.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 02:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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