October 31, 2009

Man to Myth

Iowahawk is Da Man. When he writes as someone else, he's always pitch perfect. Fear and Loathing in the Mystery Machine was his previous masterpiece, this one is nearly as good.

I can totally see Caesar talking like that, he wasn't no homorator like Cicero, he came, he saw he conquered and didn't take no backtalk from nobody.

I read about this choad praetor Rocco Landesman, saying that your new imperator Obamacus is "the most powerful writer since Julius Caesar" At first I was LMFAO because, let's face it, the Juice didn't waste his prime warror time word processing a bunch of papyrus scrolls. Word cuz, where I come from that kind of bullshit is for light-in-the-sandals scribefags like Livy and Plutarch. So I guess it was like hearing "Obama is the greatest chariot mechanic since Julius Erving." But then I think about it, and I'm like, WTF? Obama's palace asslick is comparing him to me? Srsly?
I mean, shit son, let's look at foreign policy. Back when the Juice was doin' his thang, them gutta thugs up in Gaul and Iberia knew better than disrespect Rome. 'Cause they knew the Juice had him a strong pimp hand, and he was liable to dial up his legions to go pop a pilium in their ass. This Obamacus clown? No time to talk to his own centurion general, that fool too busy ridin' his chariot all over Europa oratin' laments about his own damn empire. Sorry this, sorry that, open hand, please accept this reset button. Yeah, like that kind of bullshit is gonna calm those Parthians and Vandals and Barbarians the fuck down. And what exactly does he get for it? A couple 10 denarius "peace" medallions from the Goths and Gauls. Back in the day those Gauls had some straightup warrior badasses like Vercingetorix and Ambiorix, but apparently somewhere over the last 2000 years they turned into the biggest bunch of Eurohomos since the Athenians.

Iowahawk, the greatest channeler since Shirley MaClaine.

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October 16, 2009

Hobo Hunt Ur Doin It Rong

Important tip, when hunting hobos keep the Val-U-Rite consumption down until afterward.

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October 13, 2009

My Take On Olympia Snowe

I am not surprised. But that won't keep me from this mature display of political discourse.

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October 12, 2009

Morons of the Day: Feuding Mayors

It is a little known fact that the City of Milwaukee actually used to be three distinct cities.  Of those three, two were rather large, separated by a river and the mayors hated each other.  Why, they hated each other so much they actually started a shooting war.

Now, if you've ever been to Milwaukee, you'll notice that all of the bridges across the Milwaukee River seem to go at an angle as they cross.  This is because the mayors of the feuding cities made sure their streets didn't line up.  Fucking brilliant!  Also, it was reported that one of the founding fathers would sell maps of the area without the other cities on it to keep the immigrants in his little town.

Looks like the spirit of cooperation is alive and well in Paris:

Two feuding mayors have taken their anger to the streets by declaring the same road one way - but in opposite directions.


Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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October 11, 2009

Some Sunday Night Silliness

The self-proclaimed Future of the GOP flashes her brilliance (or something).

Suck it, NYT!

I may have more later, but I am wiped out from another hectic weekend, and look forward to work, where I can sleep.

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:04 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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October 10, 2009

Chris Buckley Proves What A Retard He Is, Vol. 623,920,919,190

Dude, maybe you would come up with some better material if you ever got your tongue out of Obama's asscrack.

Gah! I was going to unload on Buckley, but then I realized he is so far gone, it's not worth it.

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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