August 25, 2009

Moron of the Day: That Brett Favre Really Gets My Goat

Well, get's painted on my goat:

Auto repairman James Prusci has seen some unusual things left in the cars he works on, but nothing quite like what he found Friday in the trunk of a Chevy Malibu.

A woman came into the Tires Plus in Winona just before noon, asking if the shop had time to replace a belt.

Prusci started the paperwork.

"Oh, by the way," the woman said. "I have a goat in my trunk."

Prusci didn't think he heard her right.

"A what?"

"Yes, a goat," the woman said. "And it's alive."

She planned to butcher the animal later but was passing through Winona on her way to St. Paul when the car broke down, Prusci remembered her saying.

The woman, and a man and child who were waiting for her outside, left while Prusci and other workers began the repairs.

After about 10 minutes, they could hear the goat crying.

"We cracked open the trunk, you know, so it could breathe," Prusci said. "And sure enough, there it was. It kind of poked its head up."

The goat had been painted purple and gold - the colors for the Minnesota Vikings. Shaved into its side was the No. 4 - the number of Brett Favre, who made his Vikings debut Friday night in a preseason game in the Twin Cities.

Wow.   You could also file this under WTF Is Wrong With Wisconsin, I guess.  As far as Brett Favre goes, a whole lot if you ask me.

PS:  Moron Fantasy Football Is Open - Email me at chaos -dot - overlord - at - gmail -dot- com with the subject DPUD Football to sign up.  Its free.

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August 24, 2009

Moron of the Day: Mac Guy Flips Out*

Alcohol was involved:

A man suspected of driving drunk is accused of ramming three cars early Sunday on a service road and a parking lot, making a U-turn on the road and attacking one car with his pickup truck, police said today.

No one was injured in the attack, police said.

Police arrested the driver after his truck became disabled and he got out of it, punched himself in the face and sat down.

* - Not actually the Mac guy but take a look at that mug shot and tell me he's not a dead ringer.

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August 19, 2009

Moron of the Day: Hey, isn't that my lawn mower?

I've always said, women aren't strippers because they're pretty;  pretty women become models.  Similarly, people aren't criminals because they're smart:

Police said Tuesday that a woman came across a yard sale that included some familiar items -- her own.Officers responded to the woman's house last week in the 800 block of Reece Road. The woman, whose name wasn't released, told Anne Arundel County police that her home and shed had been burglarized and that a "significant amount" of property had been stolen.Two days later, she noticed the yard sale taking place just a few houses away and observed that items being sold had been stolen from her during the burglary, police said.Detectives obtained a search warrant and recovered about $25,000 worth of the victim's property, which was returned to her.

And he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling retardation.

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August 13, 2009

Moron of the Day: You Looking to Score

Well, let me direct you to my cooch.  No, I didn't mean that kind of scoring either:

A woman whose truck was pulled over in Niceville for not having tag lights was very cooperative with police, but that didn’t help her much, reported.

   Rahkia Marie Anderson, 18, of Fort Walton Beach, told the officer she knew one of her passengers had marijuana on him because she had smoked with him, according to her arrest report.

  When the officer found a straw in Anderson’s purse that is consistent with might be used to snort cocaine, she said the straw wouldn’t test positive for cocaine but it would for Xanax, the report said.

   And while Anderson was in the Niceville police holding cell, she was overheard telling one of her passengers that she “had cocaine” in her “coochy,” the report said. When officers questioned her about her statement, Anderson removed a clear plastic baggy from inside her underwear, which tested positive for cocaine.

Once again, too stupid to fucking live.  Some people just don't know when to shut up.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:45 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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August 11, 2009

Moron of the Day: Saud Gold Hits

Man, the Saudis don't do anything half way:

A Saudi businessman has purchased what is being described by the Canadian seller as the world's most expensive adult novelty item -- a solid 18-carat gold penis enlarger worth nearly 50,000 dollars.

Enjoy oppressing your women, needle dick.

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August 10, 2009

Moron of the Day: Hello Nurse!

"Wow, that's an impressive resume.  Nurse of the year, you say?" 

"Yup.  Had an awesome party and everything."

A Connecticut woman who authorities say spent more than $2,000 to stage a dinner honoring her as "Nurse of the Year" has been charged with pretending to be a nurse at a doctor's office. Betty Lichtenstein, 56, of Norwalk was charged Thursday.

Prosecutors say Dr. Gerald Weiss believed Lichtenstein was a registered nurse, especially after she was named the Connecticut Nursing Association's "Nurse of the Year" in 2008.

According to the arrest warrant, that association does not exist.

I'm going to drop my usual disdain for dishonesty and give the crazy lady mad props for this AWESOME method of getting a job.  Of course, she should go to prison for a long time because she decided to attempt nursing without any qualifications.  Still, the attempt was EPIC.

Maybe you should try being "Congressional Staffer of the Year."  I hear they have no qualifications of note. 

Ooh... sick Vinty burn!

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August 07, 2009

Moron of the Day: Mr. SnugglyMittens did it, honest!

Wrongful encarceration is still a major problem in this country no matter what those Rethuglicans say.  Our justice system still miscarries as often as Lindsey Lohan on a bender. 

Take this example:

Keith R. Griffin, of the 3600 block of Northeast Jeannette Drive, was charged Wednesday with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after detectives found more than 1,000 child pornographic images on his computer, according to a news release.

Griffin told detectives he would leave his computer on and his cat would jump on the keyboard.

When he returned, there would be strange material downloaded, the release states.

When asked how the greased up hammer found its way into his rectum, Griffin responded, "Alice H. tole me how to do it and what to look out for.  That suction can be a real bitch."

Alice H. was unavailable for comment.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:03 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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August 03, 2009

Father of the Year - $100 for my 6 month old

No shock this was in Philadelphia...

A dude tries to sell his 6 month old daughter on the street for a C-note so he can get high.

(In other news, NBC Philly obviously needs a web editor who speaks English, so put your moron goggles on when reading that.  I found at least two errors pre-coffee today.)

(h/t GrassrootsPA)

Posted by: JoeCollins at 07:24 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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