July 10, 2009

Moron of the Day: I'm Not In My Bedroom

But I can be mean:

“I don’t think people fought and gave their lives so that some guy can sit in his bedroom and be mean. I don’t think that’s what freedom of speech is,” he continued. “Freedom of speech is really about assembly — for us to collectively have an idea. We want to get our point of view out so we can assemble and I can appoint you to be the spokesman. That’s freedom of speech — to be able to collectively speak for a sector of people. But somehow it’s turned into ‘I can be an a****** whenever I feel like, say whatever I like, be disrespectful to people and not be courteous.’ It’s not good for our society. Not being courteous is not really freedom of speech. …

Coug... can I call you Coug?  I'm going to ignore for the moment your breathtakingly retarded interpretation of the Constitution and bypass my almost sympathetic views about civility in society to get down to the heart of the matter.*

Are you not aware of how much you suck? 

I mean, you have to be, don't you?  All the name changes were obviously a ploy to avoid being associated with the previous anal excretions you criminally labelled 'music,' right?

No? 

Well, allow me to elaborate:

I'd rather listen to Bjork have a seizure for thirty hours than listen to that goddamned "Aint That America" song one more fucking time.  After the fourty billionth time that motherfucking Chevy commerical came on I just about poured flesh-eating beetles in my ear canals to make the suffering stop. 

I mean, let's be honest.  Every fucking song you've ever been involved in is as pedestrian as a New York City sidewalk.  Your flag-waving populism is as artificial as Hal 9000's intelligence. 

The fact that you're famous is more insulting than Triumph at the Special Olympics.   You have less skills than a level 1 Orc Fighter.  Your more repetitious than a stutterer recounting the transcript of a game of Go Fish.

I once took a shit that had more personality and a vastly superior grasp of Constitutional law.  It smelled better, too. 

Are we clear on the sucking yet?  Because I really, really want you to understand how fucking useless and banal you are.  If you had never existed and your music had never been written the total effect on the Universe would be that people generally wouldn't consider Cougar a name. 

Fuck you, you useless shit.  Shove your folksy guitar up your ass and make out with Geisha Chainsaw.

Update: By popular demand...

GEISHA IS FACECOCK!

* - Of course, instead of limiting free speech to prevent people from being assholes, I've always supported a system based on the statement, "a well armed society is a polite society."

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:46 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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