August 04, 2008

Moron of the Day: Beerconomics

If I hand you a ten-dollar bill and ask you to pick up beer, you had better come back with more than 4 cans of Natural fucking Light*:

Grady "Skip" Wilburn Dollar, 64, was accused of stabbing Mickey Joe Hill, 37, during a dispute early Thursday, said Sgt. Mark Richard of the Lawrence County Sheriff's Department.

Richard said the two men had been drinking together when Dollar gave Hill $10 and told him to go to the store for more. Richard said Hill brought back only four cans of Natural Light, a low-cost brand, and Dollar got mad that he didn't get more for his money.

"He said, 'For $10 you could have gotten a half case,'" said Richard. "Four cans of Natural Light only cost $3 or $4."

The victim then asked for one of the four beers and pushed the older man when he refused to hand one over, the investigator said.

"Then the suspect went to the kitchen, got a big butcher knife and came back and stabbed him," Richard said.

Consulting my Wisconsin Beer Price Almanac ™, I see that you can get a 30-pack of discount beer (Ice House, Natual Ice, etc.) for about $11.99. This means, if I give you ten dollars and you expect to have any of the beer this money has purchased, I'd better see a nice cube-o-suds in your hand when you get back.

Stabby obviously stole money or beer or both and deserved none of the remaining ambeersia. I believe God said it best in the commandments: "Thou shalt not fuck with a man's beer or a man's car lest you be shunned." To respond to a just shunning with a knife is sacrilege.

I say, give him the chair.

* - Note that this occured outside the borders of Wisconsin so no, I wasn't involved.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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