RonPaulSingles.com!

Finally: All the people I'd never want to date, right in one place!

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:52 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Free Speech Under Attack In Canada

First they came for the speeders watching pr0n, and I said nothing...

A Mississauga man got caught by Northumberland OPP Saturday after another driver complained about a speeding car with a driver watching a porno movie.

Yup, the caller complained the man, alone in his car, had an X-rated movie playing on a portable DVD player in the car's front seat, police said.

Police caught up with the man around 12:39 a.m. along Hwy. 401 in Port Hope.

OPP Const. Chris Dewsbury said the car was clocked at around 140 km/h along the 100 km/h road.

Officers noticed evidence the driver was possibly impaired and a breathalyzer test was administered but he blew within the legal limit, police said.

Fucking fascists!

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:43 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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While I'm sure they'd look damn sexy on you...

...that doesn't mean you should be wearing Bad Idea Jeans.

I mean, seriously?

Posted by: Sean M. at 10:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Terrifying thought of the day

As of today, Obama has only been President for six months.  Does it feel longer to anyone else?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 08:17 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Things Alex Should Be Allowed To Write In A Brief

A Non-Exhaustive List:

1.  Opposing counsel's argument is as stupid as he is ugly.

2.  Dude.  Seriously.  Dude.

3.  Oh COME ON!  The Defendant was drunk off his ass, ran a red light and smashed into a little old lady.  I kind of think the jury's going to side with us here.  Did I mention she was on her way to help run the refreshment stand at the parish picnic when the drunk ran the red light and smashed into her?  We're sooooo gonna win.

4.  I don't care what the precedent says, the Superior Court was doing the bad monkey crack when it issued that ruling.

5.  Why should we win this Motion?  Because I said so is why.

This list brought to you by the fact that if I write "it is respectfully submitted" one more time today when I really mean "but they're WRONG and STUPID" I'm gonna snap. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 01:01 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Gee, guess who's defending affirmative action?

"Conservative" columnist Kathleen Parker laments that the male GOP members (heh, you'll see why that word is funny in a second) of the Senate Judiciary Committee were too hard (heh, again) on Sonia Sotomayor...

Judicial temperament is a legitimate concern, of course. But watching Sotomayor take questions about her moods from the nearly all-male Senate Judiciary Committee, one couldn't help wondering how those same fellows would hold up under similar scrutiny while a roomful of women took aim at their . . . fortitude.

See what she did there? She made a dick joke! In the Washington Post! HA!

Parker, a sage critic of the human condition the likes of which has not been seen since Mark Twain, goes on to note that everyone actually has prejudices...

Senators also hammered Sotomayor about her ethnic identification and whether she could rule fairly without undue influence from her gender or political preferences. Wait, let me guess, you're white guys! Are we to infer that men of European descent are never unduly influenced by their own ethnicity, gender or political preferences? Can anyone affirm this assertion with a straight face?

Well, Kathleen, most of us don't have to affirm this assertion, seeing as how we don't, you know, go around announcing it in speeches to legal conferences.

But, then again, most of us don't have the finely-tuned "conservative" mind of Ms. Parker...

When your party looks like a Wonder Bread convention during flu season, picking on ethnic identity and sex seems like an un-brilliant way to proceed. Yet, these same gentlemen don't understand how Sotomayor could have expressed the thought that she, as a Latina, might be able to reach a wiser decision than a white man?

Seeing as how I'm just an ignorant white male, I'm not wise enough to tease out how that makes any goddamn sense. Stupid me.

Educate me, Kathleen!!!

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Figures

Why doesn't this surprise me?  Cannot stand Derbyshire.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:24 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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That's okay, we'll stick to calling you Johnny Cockbag

Levi Johnston is a tool, part 37,201,128 of a neverending series.  Apparently he's now going by the name Ricky Hollywood and has gotten an agent/bodyguard. 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 09:27 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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God must have been growing impatient

Lil' Kim Jong-il apparently has pancreatic cancer.  How much you want to bet he'll try and use those two US journalists as a bargaining chip to try and get better treatment?

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:16 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Okay, I'm back

I'd of course like to thank John Hawkins for giving me the opportunity to trash Conservative Grapevine and drive away his readership again. 

In other news, a fat bastard in Pennsylvania has decided he needs to be a slightly less fat bastard, and has joined a gym.  When asked if he'd give up the large quantities of soda he consumes on a daily basis, said fat bastard loudly declared, defiantly holding a 2 liter of birch beer over his head, "From my cold, dead hands!"

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 06:31 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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The City of Brotherly Love

Hey, you racist Philly douchebags, the guys who Abe Lincoln memorialized at Gettysburg are surely proud of you.

(Via Ed, who notes that this isn't something that came from the MSM's usual suspects. That said, though, whoever is behind this is a true shitheel and deserves a punch in the dick.)

Also: Be sure to click on the Cap'n's DU link. Trust me.

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:24 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Poshington's Worst

In a column in which she tries to make the argument that "the benighted East Coast media" was responsible for making Sarah Palin a national figure (yes, really!), everyone's least favorite "conservative" columnist talks to a few of her pals from Beltway cocktail parties:

"Let's face it, she just doesn't really want to govern, and she's doing what's best for her," said a Republican campaign strategist who has worked with Palin.

"This is a win-win," said another. "It's a win for her because she is not politically viable, and now hopefully she can make a lot of money, have balance and affect culture in a positive way. It's a win for the Republican Party because she was the female version of [George W.] Bush in some ways. She is not intellectually curious. We need and have smart, competent alternatives."

And I'm sure those "smart, competent alternatives" aren't at all a bunch of squishy moderates in the McCain mold, seeing as how the unnamed people quoted are likely, um, McCain staffers who still can't wait to shift the responsibility from the complete and utter clusterfuck they made out of the campaign onto Palin. Yeah.

Oh, and the thing about Palin being able to "make a lot of money" is a running theme throughout Parker's column. When she's not implying that Palin is a rube or that she's dishonest, Kathleen insinuates that the real motive behind all of this is that she's, well, a greedy bitch.

I'll say this: I'm not sure why Palin chose to resign.  If I happened to be one of her advisers, I might have told her not to do that.  But that's just my uninformed opinion.

Enjoy those cocktails and invites to the best parties, Kathleen.  Sure, you might not pocket any money there, but you'll get quotes for your columns.

Who's greedy now?

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:54 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Remember how excited you all knew I was going to be when McCain named Palin as his VP?

Yeah, I've felt the exact opposite of that the past three days, and that's that.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:11 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Lori Drew walks

I can't believe they couldn't even convict that stupid cunt of predatory sexual behavior toward a minor, let alone accessing computers without authorization.  The last misdemeanor charge, accessing MySpace computers in violation of the company's Terms Of Service, has been thrown out by District Court Judge George Wu.  The acquittal negates the misdemeanor convictions from last November.  Judge Wu's rationale was that it would be impossible to convict everyone who violated a TOS.  I'm looking forward to using this as case law for each and every site whose TOS I decide to flagrantly defy.

I suppose at the very least we can be satisfied that no one in their right mind will ever let Lori Drew near a child again.  If she thought Megan Meier was saying mean things about her daughter before, just wait until she sees what kind of outcast she's going to be now.

Maybe all that creepy pedophile males need to do in order to get acquitted is say that they weren't really trying to seduce that thirteen-year-old, they were just trying to drive her to madness and suicide.  Certainly if a male had created a fake profile of a 16-year-old and used it to befriend and chat up another teenager, he would have been convicted.  Double standard, anyone?

Posted by: Alice H at 07:47 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Wal-Mart Makes A Deal With The Devil

They're going to back Obamacare.  Their letter was signed by the head of the SEIU.  Malkin says it's a desperate ploy to get the unions off of their backs, maybe, but there's something deeper happening that people aren't seeing.

One thing I think people need to realize is that the big retail stores and chain restaurants are under a lot of pressure right now, and I don't think most folks are aware of it.  You may have noticed a slight increase in prices when you go shopping or buying food out.  Part of that is the shitty economy, but it also represents inflation.  But not all of the inflation.  Retailers and food chains are hiding the true level of inflation and increased costs of goods from their consumers, because the last thing any retailer or fast food joint wants to do is raise prices on their customers, and they'll do damn near anything to keep it from happening.

Well, where's that money coming from?  They're cutting costs and scaling back projects where they can and trying to be innovative and efficient, but where many of them are making up the bulk of this shortfall is by squeezing every penny they can out of their employees' wages and salaries.

Some of the retail chains and restaurants have gutted their stores' staffing and available work hours so that they have just enough of a skeleton crew working there to keep the store from completely going to hell.  Some are also cutting benefits (what little there usually is in retail), and cutting full time people to part time (at least on the books, if not on actual hours), so that the company doesn't have to pay for the benefits full time employees get. 

And you're thinking, so fucking what, deal with it, service monkies, now go get me my burger/TV!  That works, to a point, except you have millions and millions of employees who already have miserable, thankless jobs that pay for shit during the good times, who are now trying to do the work of 1^1/2-3 people now because of the cutbacks in staffing and hours, and on top of this are doing all this while their benefits and sometimes their hours and pay are getting gutted by the corporation, so that you can keep buying stuff at dirt cheap prices. 

Again, you're thinking, so what?  Go back to the top of the post, and read it again.  What are they trying to do?  Get the unions off their backs?  To an extent.  But what is really happening is that these big food service and retail stores are growing more and more afraid that their huge workforce is going to grow tired of being worked more while getting squeezed on their benefits, hours and pay, and go union.

Can you imagine what kind of disaster it would be, not only for retail and restaurant, but for America at large if the bulk of retail and/or chain restaurant employees flipped to union?  You think your service sucks now?  Just wait till union work ethic becomes part of retail and fast food work culture.  You think your vente cappucino from Starbucks and your iPod from Target are too fucking expensive now?  Wait till you're paying union wages on top of that.  You're going to learn about expensive.  And don't think the unionization would stop there.  Retail and fast food are where people start their work life, don't think they won't bring the unions with them as they move to different fields. 

It would be a complete revival of the unions in America, and a huge coup for the left.  I know for a fact that companies are panicked about this, because I know many of them are sitting employees down and making them watch corporate training videos, warning them about unions and the Employee Free Choice Act.  They're seriously afraid of it happening, and they should be.  So should you.  You can only hide the inflation that's happening for so long.  At some point corporations are going to have to be up front with the public about what is going on with the economy. 

As you can see, the left is in a very "Heads, we win, tails, you lose" position here.  From the chain retailer/restaurant's view, Obamacare is the lesser of two evils.  Particularly for Wal-Mart, given that they're the biggest of the lot, and probably because they have pharmacies and have some limited medical type operations (like basic optometry facilities), they may be able to cut some deals for themselves, and be in a better position to lobby their way out of some of the more painful provisions. 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:31 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Owieowieowie

Don't try this at home, kids.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:01 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Was Sarah Palin responsible for the 9/11 attacks?

Everyone's favorite hysterical man-bitch delves further down the Trig-truther rabbit hole (prompted by the Vanity Fair hit piece, which I'm not going to link any more readily than St. Andi's insane ramblings), which hopefully leads to a padded cell:

It remains true that no one in the MSM will investigate the details of this truly bizarre story - and MSM journalists instead have devoted their efforts to demonizing any journalist who tries.

Indeed. Why won't anyone investigate TEH TRUE STORY? WHERE WAS SARAH'S VAGINGO ON THAT DAY?!!! WHY WON'T THE MEDIA COVER THE BUGS CRAWLING OUT OF MY EYE SOCKETS??? WILL NOBODY ELSE LISTEN TO THE BRAVE CONSERVATIVE VOICES IN MY HEAD???

Well, maybe it's because you're out of your mind.

Oh, and keep calling her "the Wasilla whack-job," Mister Heart-Ache. As if you're particularly credible sane at this point. Yeah.

Posted by: Sean M. at 04:59 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Funny, that.

Have you ever noticed how there's never any in-fighting in the Democratic Party?

Kinda odd, doncha think?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:03 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Being coherent was never Meghan McCain's strong suit

She said the GOP needs to be more open to sex.  Then, Gov. Mark Sanford takes her advice and fraternizes with a Wise Latina Woman^TM, and she acts all sad for the Republican Party. 

What gives, MegMeg?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 06:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Do you remember Rock 'n' Roll radio?

Well, if Congress and the recording industry get their way, it's just going to be a memory.

Sure, most of the stuff that gets played on FM these days is complete and utter shit, but there are still stations out there that I can bear to listen to.  For example, I've become a fan of stations like this one, which seem to have abandoned the concept of a specific format. When you can hear songs by  The Clash, James Brown, and Whitesnake played in a row, I think that's kinda cool.

(Okay, Whitesnake isn't really that cool at all, but Tawny Kitaen was pretty hot before she went all crazy and smacked Chuck Finley with her shoe.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:03 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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