A visual representation of what the Giants believe just stepped on their . . . face

I'm going to go have a cigarette now. 

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It Is Now Probably Easier To Get A Drink In Iraq Than It Is In Some Parts Of America

Especially since an Iraqi town held an Oktoberfest.

We can make this festival with Iraqi people, Turkish people, Kurdish people, American people, German people, with (people from) all over the world in peace and in a real good mood."

He also had a special message for his compatriots, who as Europe's biggest travelers can contribute greatly to any nascent tourism industry.

"For my people from Germany," he said in German to AP Television News, "Iraq is not dangerous everywhere. There are good areas here. There is Kurdistan and the Kurdish region, where you can get around well, where you can get work done, where you are welcome, where the war stays away."

Iraq's Kurdistan region is already a travel destination for thousands of Iraqis, eager to leave behind the heat, dust and daily killings in their country's heartland for the green, tranquil mountains of the north.

Organized bus tours are possible as a result of the improved security that has taken hold in much of the country over the last year. A week in a modest hotel, with bus fare, costs about US$160 per person, or just one-third of an average monthly Iraqi salary.

Arab visitors are still carefully screened in the semiautonomous region about the size of Switzerland and home to nearly 3.8 million people.

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Smokin' hot

If you're the kind of Moron who rolls his or her own (ahem) cigarettes, why not add a little bit of extra flavor?

(h/t)

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:51 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Wow! Talk About Motivation Tactics!

In response to Spain's Soccer Team winning the Euro 2008 championships, a Spanish beer company will reward the players in a unique manner.

The Spanish players will each receive their weight in beer from sponsor Cruzcampo after winning Euro 2008 at Austria and Switzerland in June. Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina will be the happiest after tipping the scales at 95.6 kilograms (211 pounds). Villarreal winger Santi Cazorla is the lightest player on the squad at 70.4 kilograms (155 pounds).

The grand total? 1,742 liters for the 23 players on the roster - the equivalent of 5,200 bottles.

And I am happy when I can steal a can of Bud Select from my dad's fridge.

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Dear God, I hope they sell this somewhere around here

I have to get me some of this stuff.  Nay, I think we all have to get some of this stuff.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:24 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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So who ends up in the woodchipper?

Gov. Palin is a bit like Marge Gunderson, doncha know?

Much of Palin's appeal and much of why she apparently grates on others is her accent, colloquialisms, grammar, seeming simplicity, and mannerisms—which are a lot like the wily, sing-songy voiced hero of Fargo,  Marge Gunderson. In her methodical, seemingly plodding way, the pregnant Marge systematically figures out the complex criminal labyrinth, and then in courageous fashion wades into the thicket unaware perhaps of the danger from the supposedly more clever involved, but confident that what has worked for her in the past and gotten her this far will see her through just fine as usual.

It's a good comparison, but if I remember right the now-classic Fargo lost the Best Picture Oscar to the once lyrical but now forgettable The English Patient. 

On a slightly related note: A lot of people say "imminent" domain, Allah.  It's called an accent, and it's nothing to get all Eeyore about.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 06:59 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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What's that I hear?

Is it Kathleen Parker crying into her Crystal Light?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:09 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Kill things the Sarah Palin way...

...with the Sarah-Cuda hunting bow!

Lakota Industries Inc. announced its "Sarah-Cuda" bow Wednesday in honor of the Alaska governor's "lifelong passion for the sport of hunting."

The pink camouflage bow weighs 3.4 pounds and is designed to accommodate female hunters and archers. It retails for $590.

Score!  The best part?  10% of the proceeds go to the National Association for Down Syndrome. 

It's about enough to make me want to go hunting. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:46 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Building a better bourbon

I talk a lot about Val-U-Rite vodka around here, but that's not my only interest. I also enjoy bourbon. Delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to...baconify you?

To make it, cook up 3-4 strips of bacon. Retain a fluid ounce or so of the rendered fat, letting it cool but not solidify. Discard of the bacon in the manner of your choosing (I’m sure you’ll think of something). Pour the fat and bourbon into a glass jar and let it sit to taste, a matter of hours if the bacon is strong enough.

Now you’ve got a very greasy looking jar of bourbon. To make it ungreasy, put it in the freezer over night. The fat will conveniently congeal for easy straining, and you can clean it up even further with a run through a coffee filter.

If all goes well, your bourbon will now taste and smell distinctively like your bacon.

And Allah (not the blogger, but the Deity) will be mightily displeased with you for having produced the most Haraam beverage this side of Mecca.

(thx, Veeshir)

Previously: Bacon-infused vodka.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Tuesday night palate cleanser

So, the last few days haven't been great.  Financial uncertainty.  Captain Bullshit up in the polls.  Cats and dogs living together.  We could all use a little bit of WIN! right about now, so I'm gonna post some below the fold...


more...

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If I'm lucky, the bartender might spot me a drink

Who says nothing good ever comes from hanging out at a bar, drinking beer?

Not many people walk into a bar and walk out with a new leg.

But that’s what happened to David Huckvale, 42, who needed a £40,000 bionic leg to walk again.

The father-of-two popped down to his local pub on the same day surgeon Alistair Gibson, who specialises in fitting the computer-controlled limb, was there for a pint.

When the two happened to meet Mr Gibson mentioned he had a spare leg and could fit Mr Huckvale for free.

Mr Huckvale had his leg amputated when he was 29 after a benign tumour was removed.

Before the chance encounter, he had been limping around in a false leg, which didn’t fit properly and walked with the help of crutches and was sometimes in a wheelchair.

The guy had been saving for the new leg, but only had a fraction of the the money he needed, and was buying lottery tickets every week, hoping to win enough to buy it.

I think it's cool that this guy got a free £40,000 bionic leg out of a trip to the local watering hole, but how come nothing that cool ever happens to me when I go out drinking? Oh, right. Because I still have both of the legs I was born with.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:56 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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We Need Something To Lift Our Spirits.

And I think I know what it is.

Bacon Cinnamon Rolls!

After assembling all the bacon cinnamon rolls I popped them in the pre-heated oven at 425 degrees for about 15 minutes. I then pulled the rolls out of the oven and drizzled the icing upon them as directed.

Right from the first bite I knew we had a winner. The Smasteâ„¢ rating alone was a jaw-dropping 51.93. The entire house was filled with sugary, cinnamony, bacony aroma. The taste was both sweet and salty, a perfect combination for a morning pick-me-up meal. Highly recommended for any bacon lover!

Truly Awesome!

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UPDATE: Take That, You Nanny-State, Douche Nozzles!

Now this is real art and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. EPIC WIN!

Thanks to Alice H.

***Update: Alice welcomes Alex with some bacony goodness.

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In these times of economic uncertainty...

...there are some time-honored traditions you know you can always rely on.  Like family and friends.  Like neighbors looking out for each other.  But most of all, when the chips are down and you're feeling blue about what's going on in this crazy, mixed-up world, you can count on...Big Boob Fridayâ„¢ to give you, er, a boost.

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Yemeni journalist and political prisoner freed and pardoned

Al-Khaiwani was jailed for his exposes on the human rights violations of the Yemeni regime and jailed for three months till his recent release.  Jane Novak did a great job with her efforts to bring attention to and free al-Khaiwani.  I hope al-Khaiwani tries to escape to somewhere safe in Europe or the US.

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So will Bill Clinton be the biggest boost to McCain this year?

Seems like he's trying to be.  We've got two months to go, I wonder what more we can expect?  I know the Clintons have to work within the confines of Democrat politics (Hillary more than Bill though, given she's an active politician), the Clintons are good, but they aren't so good that they can work outside it, but how far are they gonna go?  It's no secret Hillary wants to run again in 2012, and it's in her best interest to see Obama lose.  So it makes one wonder, how many people who wanted Hillary to win are willing to vote against Obama with the hopes of getting her the nomination in 2012?

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Why Is It When I Try To Get Three Mildly Attractive Young Ladies To Kiss On Camera, I get Hit With A Restraining Order?

I guess I need to offer them a cheap T-Shirt.


Mind you, this happened in Cleveland, so take that for what it's worth.

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Cubs win! Cubs win! Holy cow!

Congrats to the Cubbies (full disclosure: my family is originally from Illinois) who are going to the post-season for the first time in back-to-back seasons in 100 years.

If you're not a fan of the team or a fan of baseball in general, this may not be a big deal for you, but consider rooting for them (and against the White Sox, should they make it into October) based on the following:

Posted by: Sean M. at 05:42 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Baseball Hall Of Famers Live The Moron Lifestyle.

Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett lets us know he handles his bathroom "duties" in a dignified manner.

George Brett regales a teammate about the many times he's shit his pants. Seriously; Brett goes into great detail about this, and even at one point follows the poor guy across the field so that he can finish his story. At one point Brett says proudly: "I'm good twice a year for that. When's the last time you shit your pants?" America needs to know just how close it came to this being the subject of Brett's Hall of Fame induction speech.

The Deadspin link had a video in it, but the assholes at Time Warner had it pulled from YouTube.


Update! Found it! (for now).

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First They Came For The Masturbating Vagrants, And I Said Nothing...

Some guy living in Michigan must have been trying to forget that he did indeed live in Michigan. How else could you explain this activity?

Police received a report about 12:30 p.m. that a naked man was sitting on a milk crate [was it biodegradeable?-ed.] behind buildings in the 300 block of West Ann Street. Police found the man, who was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles. He had a beer in one hand and was masturbating with the other while leaning over a pornographic magazine, reports said [multitasking. I like it.-ed.].

The officer arrested the 50-year-old Ypsilanti man for indecent exposure and charges are pending.

Bastards.

But, I guess had he left the beer behind, everything probably would have been kosher.

Posted by: eddiebear at 08:35 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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