December 25, 2009

It's that time of year again!

Here's wishing everyone a Patrick Swayze Christmas!





(doubleplusundead)  Thought I'd check and see if anyone posted anything for Christmas, the answer is yes, and one of the greatest Christmas carols of all time too!  I'd like to thank everyone for visiting our little crapblog, and I'd like to thank all my co-bloggers for all they do here.

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December 24, 2009

Since we haven't had a good comments fight in minutes

Let's fight about what the best movies of the decade are!

My list, in no order except number one, is:

5.  Old Boy - Violent, creepy as hell and the ending, oh the ending.  I knew it was coming from a mile away and it still ripped me to pieces.

4.  Banlieue 13(District B 13) - Yes, yes, it's on here primarily for the parkour and Cyril Raffaelli's hotness.  But there's also a lot going on underneath the surface.  I am fascinated by Besson (yes he's the writer not the director but this is utterly a Besson film) setting this so near future.  Given the current state of things in France, it is making a statement about what the French are willing to do with the less desireables.  Also parkour and hotness.

3.  Infernal Affairs - The whole trilogy, actually, but the first one is simply stunning.  God, I want to beat Scorsese with a bat for turning this into The Departed.  Ahem.  Andy Lau and Tony Leung are both spot on perfect in their roles.  This movie spares no punches in showing the destruction that these decisions are making on both of their lives.  Another film where it has to end that way no matter how much I hate it.

2.  Kill Bill Vol. 1 - I do love Volume 2 as well but, oh, Volume 1.  The Fight at the House of Blue Leaves is utterly spectacular but it's the tiny moments that really make this memorable.  The sequence where O-Ren is walking into the House of Blue Leaves and she and her entourage turn the corner and O-Ren just looks up through her lashes is amazing.  That and Gogo Yubari.  Not to mention that I consider all of Kill Bill to be one of the strongest pro-life movies out there.  Don't laugh, I mean it.  The Bride's entire motivation is for her child.  This is expressly stated in Vol. 2 when The Bride tells Bill that before she was pregnant she was his woman.  But once she found out that she was going to be a mother, her entire life was for the child.  Yes, yes, the violence is way over the top.  But The Bride is avenging herself on those who stole her baby.  Don't bother telling me that her actions aren't motivated.  I can't think of a single better motivation and I am the least maternal person in the world.

Plus Lucy Liu is hot like the center of the sun.

1. The Incredibles - I placed a self-imposed only one Pixar movie on myself otherwise this list would be all Pixar all the time.  I am Pixar's bitch.  Hell, the utter hagiography that is The Pixar Story makes me bawl because if there was no Pixar there would be no Toy Story.  No Nemo.  No Monsters, Inc.  No Wall-E.  No SQUIRREL!  And there would be no Incredibles.

Oh, how do I love this movie.  Let me inject the politics into it.  This is a conservative film.  This is a movie about the power of family and the recognition that if everybody is special than no one is and that suppressing greatness for the greater good ends up being a loss for the entire world.  Brad Bird mentions on the commentary that there was a deleted scene were Elastigirl confronts a woman who is being very condescending to her about not working and Elastigirl points out that she chose to stay at home because it was the hardest and most important job in the world.  He said this was based on something that actually happened to his wife.  It is difficult for me to watch this and not be struck by just how powerful a slap at most lefty conventions is it.

Second, and more importantly, this is the Best Bond Film ever.  No, seriously, it is.  There's even a Bond Babe.  This film isn't a loving send up of Bond, it's an utter celebration of All Things Bond.  There's a freaking lair inside of a volcano, people.  Of course I'm going to love this.  God, I want a lair.  Just a little one.  Also minions.  And possibly sharks with freaking laser beams.  But I digress. 

Third, the BFF did not see this in the movies.  She first saw it while watching with me in her living room.  She actually fell out of her chair laughing when Edna Mode started whapping Elastigirl.  I have no idea why that could be.

As far as what's not on here, fuck, no, I was not going to include The Dark Knight.  Far too long and the Batman voice makes me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.  Also, I don't think that I was supposed to cheer when Rachel blew up.  Gary Oldman makes that mustache sexass though. 

So have at it.  What are your best movies?  And, yes, I suck for not including Gran Torino.  Or Hot Fuzz.  Or Zombieland.

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December 23, 2009

That Kid Has A Future As A Moronblogger




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Does This Qualify As WIN! Or FAIL Britannia?

I mean, the WIN! portion is the fact that alcohol is cheaper than water in the UK. The FAIL part is the fact that the tossers in the Nanny State have their knickers in a pinch over it.

Sainsbury’s in New Cross, also in south London, was selling four 440ml cans of own-brand lager and bitter for 91p and 94p respectively. A two-litre bottle of basic cider cost £1.21, or 6.1p per 100ml. A litre bottle of Highland Spring mineral water, meanwhile, was on sale for 8.5p per 100ml.

The Tesco Extra in St Rollox, Glasgow, was offering four 440ml cans of its value lager for 91p. The supermarket charges 85p for a litre of Highland Spring water.

Asda in Bishopbriggs, Glasgow, was also selling four 440ml cans of its own-brand Smart Price lager and bitter for just over 5p per 100ml. Strathmore mineral water cost 8.5p per 100ml.

The fact that it is possible to buy beer cheaper than water is seen by campaigners as worrying. Don Shenker, chief executive of Alcohol Concern, said government attempts to curb binge drinking were being undermined by supermarket discounting.

“Unless they tackle the problem of cheap alcohol, they are fighting a losing battle,” he said. “The evidence shows young people and harmful drinkers are drawn to very cheap alcohol.

“Supermarkets sell alcohol at a loss because they know it gets people into the stores. A lot of these sales are irresponsible.”

A spokeswoman for the British Medical Association added: “It is a real worry that you can buy alcohol cheaper than mineral water. We have a huge problem with alcohol abuse in the UK, so we want a clampdown on these cut-throat price deals.”


Yeah, leave it to the nanny staters to go after capitalism.

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December 22, 2009

This almost makes up for Joseph Cao

Do you think since a Democratic representative who also happens to be a radiation oncologist thinks the healthcare bill is such an abomination that he's willing to switch parties, it might make at least a few other reps think about what the hell they're doing?

In other words, let's welcome our newest junior representative, Rep. Parker Griffith, Newly-R, Alabama.

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If this guy can teach calculus via You Tube...

Why can't the GOP teach about the constitution and limited government? I know I have mentioned my idea about a "Foundations of Freedom" series that explores the ideas behind classic liberalism / conservatism, The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution,and The Bill of Rights a few times. This guy proves that such a project is possible.



Seriously, and if they were really smart they would have them translated into Arabic and Pashtu, let the Taliban and al-Qaeda explain why their ideas are better.

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December 21, 2009

I Can Haz Shoeblogging?

At this point, I need a break. And these beauties will help me run faster, jump higher, kill thousands of ninjas, and have lustful romps with three women at one time.

I won't mention the name of these shoes, since they seem to attract the self aware spam bots, but they are endorsed by the fastest man on the planet, so they have to do the same for me, right?

Right?

 

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December 19, 2009

Morons to the left of me, Morons to the right

I think that the pilot for my flight to Detroit may have been a Moron.  Why do I say this?  Well, that flight was about 2 hours late because, according to the pilot, they had to bring the plane up from Charlottesville where there was fourteen inches of global warming.  And, yes, the pilot called it global warming.

I lol'd.  I did.

Also, I think it's hilarious that the blizzard actually managed to miss me and I appear to be one of the few people on the East Coast who actually made their flights today.  Go Team Me!

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December 17, 2009

Finally!

A place for Alextopia.

Sure, sure, Japan claims it's all weeds and rock, but, c'mon.  We all know that Gojira is around there somewhere.

Plus it's Japan.  There's bound to be Mothra babes and some schoolgirls as well.

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December 16, 2009

Read the FUCKING BILL YOU MOTHERFUCKING SWINE

Did anybody else know you could do this?

Sen. Tom Coburn has just demanded that the Senate clerk read the single-payer amendment offered by Sen. Bernie Sanders — and it’s 767 pages.

Typically, Senators offering amendments will ask for unanimous consent to avoid reading the entire meausure, but all it takes is one Senator to object to demand its reading, and Coburn objected to Sanders attempt to dispense with the reading of the amendment.

Oh, FUCK YES.  That just made my nipples hard.  It should become GOP SOP to do this to every fucking bill that enters the Senate until the end of fucking time.  Who cares if they do the same thing to our bills so long as it slows the inevitable death march into socialist oblivion these fuck-nuggets are planning.  Its not like we really need to pass any more laws, is it?  Why, I'm pretty sure that if congress NEVER FUCKING PASSED A LAW AGAIN I'd be just fucky ducky.

So yes.  Grind the gears of government to a halt.  Its a stupid, corrupt, over-powerful clusterfuck that is in need of a good ass whipping. 

Fuck man, think about it!  If I was elected senator I could introduce hundred thousand page bills and then demand to have them read!  It would be like a fillibuster on megacrack!

WIN!

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Motorcycle Rocket Launcher

It's like something out of Galactica '80 or Megaforce only, you know, good...

Real Life


MegafarceMegaforce

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December 15, 2009

Fess up

Which one of you is this?

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December 14, 2009

YESSSSSSS!!!!!

Moronapalooza, here I come!  Nevada has legalized male prostitution!

(h/t)

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December 11, 2009

My stars and garters! What is the world coming to these days!

I am posting this because I am OUTRAGED, OUTRAGED I tell you that the video surveillance hasn't leaked such horrors would occur around The Children.

I expect you Morons to respond with the shock and horror that this inspires.  Also, remember to pace yourselves.  Carpal tunnel is nothing to sneeze at.


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December 10, 2009

Since y'all were good

And not that whiny (waves at Vinty), then fine. Bipartisianship below.



Follow the jump for more
more...

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December 09, 2009

No, you can't haz bipartisanship

Why do I like girls?



That's why.

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There's one thing we all know about Col. Van Barfoot

It's that he knows how to kick ass and win.  I saw this story of local HOA busybodies harassing the good Colonel because he had a flagpole in his yard, did you think that was gonna stop him?  Col. Barfoot has faced worse, much worse, we joke about HOAs busybodies being Nazis, well, Barfoot knows how to handle real Nazis. Barfoot is a well decorated veteran, one of those rare individuals who has earned the Medal of Honor (as if you had to ask, yeah he's got a Wiki), the Wiki has his MOH citation, but I like Mark Levin's reading of it, which I'm shamelessly borrowing from Hotair,



Yeah, that's right, he took three machine gun nests and three Tiger tanks with a Thompson, some grenades and a bazooka, and captured 17 Germans in the process.

Note, the Tiger is a big WWII tank.  The Germans only built a few of them, they were expensive, cumbersome and prone to getting stuck due to their size, but if you were an Allied soldier they were about the last thing you wanted to see roll over the horizon.  They were incredibly armed and armored, with an 88mm main gun and several mounted machine guns.  He stared down three of them.  Three.

HOA should have known better than to think they could bully a MOH recipient

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December 08, 2009

I know what y'all can get me for Christmas

This.

Really, this is a concept with which I identify utterly. "Walker's house was constructed specifically to accommodate his massive library".  Oh what a glorious concept. 

Seriously, I would never ever ever ever ever leave if I had that. Ever. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a cigarette.

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December 07, 2009

Today's Heartwarming Story Of A Homeowner Shooting An Intruder

Reason eighty bazillion and five to arm yourself when possible.


RESIDENT - "Oh crap he's coming around the front..."

911 -  "Is your front door locked?"

RESIDENT - "Yes ma'am but it's only got a lock on the handle."

911 - "Okay, do you have a place inside your house and lock yourself in a room?"

RESIDENT -  "Uh, not really."

911 - "He's trying to come through the front door."

RESIDENT - "i've got a big shotgun. I'm not going into a tiny bathroom..."

RESIDENT - "He's walking around the house trying to find a way in..."

RESIDENT - "Oh crap, he's at the back..."

911 - "Okay , (unintelligible) is advising that you can defend your property if you need to."

RESIDENT - "Alright he's at the garage."

911 - "He's at the garage? Is it attached to your house?"

RESIDENT - "Nope, he's at the patio door again."

911 - "I can hear him banging again."

RESIDENT - "I don't want to have to kill this man, but i'll kill him graveyard dead ma'am."

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December 06, 2009

Palate cleanser. You can haz.

Since our Illustrious Blog Owner appears to have lost his wee damn mind (what a pity in one so young) I give you a palate cleanser.

This combines our favorite things, hotassery, property damage, mockery of upper class British twits, riding crops and profanity. Good times. Good times.

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:48 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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