September 30, 2008

Tuesday night palate cleanser

So, the last few days haven't been great.  Financial uncertainty.  Captain Bullshit up in the polls.  Cats and dogs living together.  We could all use a little bit of WIN! right about now, so I'm gonna post some below the fold...


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September 29, 2008

If I'm lucky, the bartender might spot me a drink

Who says nothing good ever comes from hanging out at a bar, drinking beer?

Not many people walk into a bar and walk out with a new leg.

But that’s what happened to David Huckvale, 42, who needed a £40,000 bionic leg to walk again.

The father-of-two popped down to his local pub on the same day surgeon Alistair Gibson, who specialises in fitting the computer-controlled limb, was there for a pint.

When the two happened to meet Mr Gibson mentioned he had a spare leg and could fit Mr Huckvale for free.

Mr Huckvale had his leg amputated when he was 29 after a benign tumour was removed.

Before the chance encounter, he had been limping around in a false leg, which didn’t fit properly and walked with the help of crutches and was sometimes in a wheelchair.

The guy had been saving for the new leg, but only had a fraction of the the money he needed, and was buying lottery tickets every week, hoping to win enough to buy it.

I think it's cool that this guy got a free £40,000 bionic leg out of a trip to the local watering hole, but how come nothing that cool ever happens to me when I go out drinking? Oh, right. Because I still have both of the legs I was born with.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:56 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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September 28, 2008

We Need Something To Lift Our Spirits.

And I think I know what it is.

Bacon Cinnamon Rolls!

After assembling all the bacon cinnamon rolls I popped them in the pre-heated oven at 425 degrees for about 15 minutes. I then pulled the rolls out of the oven and drizzled the icing upon them as directed.

Right from the first bite I knew we had a winner. The Smasteâ„¢ rating alone was a jaw-dropping 51.93. The entire house was filled with sugary, cinnamony, bacony aroma. The taste was both sweet and salty, a perfect combination for a morning pick-me-up meal. Highly recommended for any bacon lover!

Truly Awesome!

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September 27, 2008

UPDATE: Take That, You Nanny-State, Douche Nozzles!

Now this is real art and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. EPIC WIN!

Thanks to Alice H.

***Update: Alice welcomes Alex with some bacony goodness.


Posted by: conservativebelle at 09:47 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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September 26, 2008

In these times of economic uncertainty...

...there are some time-honored traditions you know you can always rely on.  Like family and friends.  Like neighbors looking out for each other.  But most of all, when the chips are down and you're feeling blue about what's going on in this crazy, mixed-up world, you can count on...Big Boob Fridayâ„¢ to give you, er, a boost.

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September 25, 2008

Yemeni journalist and political prisoner freed and pardoned

Al-Khaiwani was jailed for his exposes on the human rights violations of the Yemeni regime and jailed for three months till his recent release.  Jane Novak did a great job with her efforts to bring attention to and free al-Khaiwani.  I hope al-Khaiwani tries to escape to somewhere safe in Europe or the US.

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So will Bill Clinton be the biggest boost to McCain this year?

Seems like he's trying to be.  We've got two months to go, I wonder what more we can expect?  I know the Clintons have to work within the confines of Democrat politics (Hillary more than Bill though, given she's an active politician), the Clintons are good, but they aren't so good that they can work outside it, but how far are they gonna go?  It's no secret Hillary wants to run again in 2012, and it's in her best interest to see Obama lose.  So it makes one wonder, how many people who wanted Hillary to win are willing to vote against Obama with the hopes of getting her the nomination in 2012?

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:33 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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September 22, 2008

Why Is It When I Try To Get Three Mildly Attractive Young Ladies To Kiss On Camera, I get Hit With A Restraining Order?

I guess I need to offer them a cheap T-Shirt.

Mind you, this happened in Cleveland, so take that for what it's worth.

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September 20, 2008

Cubs win! Cubs win! Holy cow!

Congrats to the Cubbies (full disclosure: my family is originally from Illinois) who are going to the post-season for the first time in back-to-back seasons in 100 years.

If you're not a fan of the team or a fan of baseball in general, this may not be a big deal for you, but consider rooting for them (and against the White Sox, should they make it into October) based on the following:

Posted by: Sean M. at 05:42 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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September 19, 2008

Baseball Hall Of Famers Live The Moron Lifestyle.

Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett lets us know he handles his bathroom "duties" in a dignified manner.

George Brett regales a teammate about the many times he's shit his pants. Seriously; Brett goes into great detail about this, and even at one point follows the poor guy across the field so that he can finish his story. At one point Brett says proudly: "I'm good twice a year for that. When's the last time you shit your pants?" America needs to know just how close it came to this being the subject of Brett's Hall of Fame induction speech.

The Deadspin link had a video in it, but the assholes at Time Warner had it pulled from YouTube.

Update! Found it! (for now).

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First They Came For The Masturbating Vagrants, And I Said Nothing...

Some guy living in Michigan must have been trying to forget that he did indeed live in Michigan. How else could you explain this activity?

Police received a report about 12:30 p.m. that a naked man was sitting on a milk crate [was it biodegradeable?-ed.] behind buildings in the 300 block of West Ann Street. Police found the man, who was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles. He had a beer in one hand and was masturbating with the other while leaning over a pornographic magazine, reports said [multitasking. I like it.-ed.].

The officer arrested the 50-year-old Ypsilanti man for indecent exposure and charges are pending.


But, I guess had he left the beer behind, everything probably would have been kosher.

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Suck it, Gang of Twenty!

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:22 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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September 18, 2008

In The Moronosphere, This Guy Is The Equivalent Of The 14-Point Buck

Henry Earl is a hobo living in Kentucky. So far, that is not postworthy.

But his Hobo Hall Of Fame resume is.

Well, Henry has earned something of a cult following (he's even been mentioned in Newsweek/MSNBC). The Fayette County jail posts mug shots of their offenders, and of course, there's plenty of Henry. Most of them are very amusing. Some more than others, but there are a lot of them. To make a long story short, Fark picked up on Henry and now he's fast on his way to becoming an Internet Legend. And why not? Henry's exactly the right balance between extremely pitiful and incredibly amusing. You feel bad for him on one hand, but then the guy looks so strangely happy in (most of) his mugshots. And if you read the stories about him, you'll see that he's got an awful lot of personality. Certainly more than your basic town drunk. Henry is an icon, a work of performance art. He's like an Otis Campbell for the 21st century. He's our schadenfreudic touchstone of intoxication.

And the next time he gets arrested, it will be number 1,000.

Thanks to Fark for the constant updates.

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September 17, 2008

House moves to smack DC into compliance with Heller

The fascists in DC are unhappy about this, of course.  The DC House delegate was throwing a tantrum about it.  It still has to be passed by one of the most worthless legislative bodies in human history, but we'll hope it happens.  A lot of Democrats in rural and conservative districts supported the measure.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:12 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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September 16, 2008

Bastards like this are the best kind

A German man received a fine of €292.92 for smuggling letters for a prisoner.  He paid the pennies, or whatever the hell one cent pieces are called over there.  The weight of said coinage was about 139 pounds, a local bank counted the coins up, and indeed, the total was exactly €292.92.  The court accepted the payment because shipping the coinage back would have been too much.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:47 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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September 14, 2008

Iron Maiden Proves Yet Again How Useful They Are

Apparently, some sort of tourist charter company based out of England went belly up recently, stranding a shitload of tourists around the world.

Well, it appears as though the stranded tourists are starting to return to England, thanks in no small part to Bruce Dickinson, who not only is the frontman for Iron Maiden, but also a pilot.

The lead singer of Iron Maiden, Bruce Dickinson, who works as a pilot for the UK charter airline Astraeus, flew a plane back to the UK from Sharm El Sheikh. He said people had given up leave to get a crew together for the flight.

In Alicante about 522 passengers had been stranded after three flights to Glasgow, Gatwick and Manchester were cancelled.

Many have now found their own way home, but a replacement flight was also been chartered by the CAA.

The 747 was due to pick up 33 passengers from Tenerife before boarding about 200 of those left stranded in Alicante, and fly on to Gatwick overnight.

And in tribute:

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:58 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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September 13, 2008

Zogby has PALIN!/that other guy up by five in PA

Told you Obama was going to struggle here in PA, and sure enough, he is.  Obviously, it's a Zogby poll, but given the other recent polls, we do know Obama is facing the possibility of losing PA.  At the very least, he's going to have a very tight race in PA.

I don't know how Obama wins without PA, Democrats don't usually win without it.  It'd be an oddity if he did, the first time since Truman.  In any case, I really doubt he's gonna play well in Ohio either, Zogby's poll reflects that too.

Oh, and Obama's losing in Florida too.  In fact, he hasn't polled ahead of McCain at any point in Florida, he may not even be competitive there.  I'm guessing that idiotic ad sneering at McCain for not using email isn't gonna play well in the most elderly state in the union  either (Oh, and PA has the second oldest population, good job Obama campaign!).

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:20 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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September 12, 2008

Because it's almost the weekend

I just can't seem to focus on politics or anything serious, so let's just step into my Hyundai...

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September 10, 2008

Finally! An Advertising Idea For Me!

I am losing what little hair I have left. In fact, my daughter routinely feels compelled to point out the fact my bald spot is growing geometrically.

Well, I might be able to make some cash off of my *ahem* maturity*ahem* by becoming a walking billboard for an airline.

Air New Zealand said it wants 70 recruits to stand in lines in three airports—while wearing temporary tattoos on the back of their heads so the displays can be seen by people lining up behind them.

The airline would pay 1,000 New Zealand dollars ($660) for each walking billboard, a company official said.

The tattoos will promote a new system that is meant to reduce check-in waiting times.

Air New Zealand marketing manager Steve Bayliss described the campaign as "a bit of fun."

While not as awesome as bacon-flavored vodka, this is another idea that targets me.

*weeps tears of joy*

Posted by: eddiebear at 10:40 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Slayer Kicks So Much Ass, It's Scary!

In honor of DPUD's reference to Cartman's Hippie Plowing Machine and Slayer, here goes:

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:10 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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