doubleplusundead

August 18, 2009

WTF is wrong with Wisconsin, part eleventy billion and one

link

(h/t)

Posted by: Alice H at 04:51 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Meanwhile, On Planet Crazy

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:05 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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August 17, 2009

Nigerian Man Wants To Marry Pillow, Share Deposed Dictator's Fortune

And I thought I was pathetic:

A stuttering Nigerian man, who says he canâ€™t find a girlfriend, has announced that he plans to marry his pillow instead.
Get down, man!

Okeke Ikechuku told the Daily Metro that his stammer makes it difficult for him to speak to girls who laugh at him whenever he talks, Ananova reports.

But, the 26-year-old from Lagos admits that he has needs and wants a companion to sleep with. So, Ikechuku says he will marry his pillow because he has been sleeping with it since he was 16 and has fallen in love with it.

No word on whether he'll require the pillow to always wear a case in public.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:34 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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August 13, 2009

Ebay is trying to save her from herself

Remember Lavonne Drummond, the darling gal from Arkansas who was auctioning off her unborn baby's name? Apparently Ebay is trying to save her from herself - her auction has been pulled three times, including once with a high bid of $15,000. Yep, that's right, we're in the middle of a fucking recession and someone bid Fifteen. Thousand. DOLLARS. to name a baby they've never met.

Lavonne is even willing to toss in visitation with the child to the lucky winner of the name auction. Now that's devotion!

Due to cost considerations, she hasn't consulted an attorney to investigate whether she can recoup her loss. Surely a moron lawyer somewhere is willing to help out this poor unfortunate soul!

Posted by: Alice H at 09:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I can't really begin to describe this

I know that there are a few Glenn Beck fans here but this video is priceless. Watch the panel member's faces when he starts doing his tree diagram on the blackboard. They look like someone served them turd sandwiches for lunch.

Posted by: chad98036 at 04:39 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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August 12, 2009

Don't Send Flowers

The health care "debate" is causing me to drink heavily and according to this booze calculator I'll be dead by Saturday.

So if my posting drops off, you'll know why.

Hmmm, maybe that's their plan? Get vast swathes of America to kill itself over all the lies our oh so honest political betters are spewing to reduce the costs.
Of course what they haven't factored in is that's the most productive part of America so tax revenues (except for a temporary infusion of death taxes) will go down.

(H/T Tex)

Posted by: Veeshir at 12:48 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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If You're Going To Fall Five Stories

Make sure you're totally shitfaced:

A 20-year-old woman was seriously injured early Thursday morning when she fell from the fifth-story window of the Spanish Towers apartments, in the 800 block of 29th Street, according to Boulder police.

Boulder police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said the woman, whose name was not released because police are still investigating the incident, "sustained serious bodily injury but is expected to recover."

The woman, who had traveled to Colorado from California to visit her older sister, had consumed "a couple of tequila shots, at least two lemonade vodka drinks and probably a couple of beers" at a rooftop party at the Spanish Towers, Huntley said.

She said the older sister told police she "believed her sister was not heavily intoxicated."

UhhhBULLSHIT.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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August 11, 2009

The Ballad of GI Joe

Sadly a better, more compelling story than the actual movie

The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde

Posted by: chad98036 at 11:08 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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August 07, 2009

Because we need the funny.

Cheap but funny
The only thing that puts me off a little is how they taught him that.
Since dogs work best with negative reinforcement, I figure they either forced him to listen to Glen Beck and Sean Hannity or they beat him.

I'm not sure which is worse.
(h/t XRLQ)
more...

Posted by: Veeshir at 01:28 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Breaking News - Inspirational Poster Kitten Falls to Death

source

Posted by: chad98036 at 10:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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August 06, 2009

Arkansas woman lives up to expectations

She's taking "Post that ends in XX gets to name my..." to a whole new level.

An Arkansas woman is offering the opportunity to name her seventh child to the highest bidder, starting at $150. The unemployed mother of six has posted an auction on eBay in hopes that she will receive enough money to buy a "trustworthy" car and to relieve her sister's burden of supporting her cash-strapped family.

Can anything good come of this?

Posted by: Alice H at 10:22 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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August 05, 2009

Ace just emailed, he said "It's old".

Man, it's getting angry out there. So I'm going to kill two birds with one stone.
Make you laugh

I love that commercial.
And explain my stupidity about youtube videos.

more...

Posted by: Veeshir at 04:55 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Fecal-Sandwich Sales Plummet

The recession economy may have claimed another victim today, as early reports from the White House are that the sales of fecal sandwiches have plummeted in recent months. The dropoff has many observers concerned that a sandwich recall may in the offing, as more than half of the consumers have expressed a desire to return the sandwiches they were already sold.

August is traditionally the month where the 500+ members of the Community Of Noble Gentry and Refined Elitists, Sandwich Sales devision, called CONGRESS for short, return to their home district to sell fecal sandwiches to their constituents. In the past, it has been a time of picnics, cozy townhalls, and love-ins where people typically agreed to up their orders for the coming year. Not this year, though.

"I don't want another sh*t sandwich!" said one angry constituent, using the slang term for the product. "I already bought over a trillion of 'em, and what did it get me? Unemployed, just like everybody else!"

Members of CONGRESS blame the falling sales on the American palate. "They just don't know what's good for them," said one who declined to be identified and was hiding under his office desk hoping nobody knew he was there. "I've had to lock my doors and disconnect my telephone just to keep angry customers from yelling at me. This is the worst it's ever been! Thankfully the Cash for Clunkers program fried my computer from afar, or I'd be awash in angry e-mails."

Even famed restaurants such as the AARP have faced a backlash from consumers and seen their sales fall into the abyss. "We've proudly sold fecal sandwiches to Americans for forty years," said one AARP boss. "Now they're turning on us like rabid werewolves and saying we'll bankrupt the country, the bastards. I hope they all die in a fire."

Most observers agreed that the falling sales were a sign that Americans were too stupid for their own good. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again," said one famous broadcaster. "Democracy doesn't work."

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