October 02, 2008
Posted by: doubleplusundead at
04:09 PM
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Thanks to the conservative movement coming apart at the seams over the bailout bill/coming zombie apocalypse, we have a lot of new readers here at DPUD. I know it can get confusing telling who’s who, what with a cast of thousands of cobloggers, not to mention frequent commenters with names that sound like porn stars.
So I’ve put together this handy guide to who’s who at DPUD. Hey, I don’t just write fake news stories; I’m all about helpfulness. That, and gratuitous nudity.
Click below the fold to see a brief bio of our menagerie here at DPUD.
Posted by: plebian at
02:42 PM
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"We were under attack!" Biden told a roomful of reporters at Washington's prestigious Watergate Hotel. "When the guy manning the machine gun got hit, I had to take over to protect our previous cargo: the load of Iraqi orphans that we were ferrying to the Better Life Foundation, which helps them find good homes by pairing them up with caring celebrities around the world."
Pausing to wipe a tear from his heroic eye at the thought of those poor waifs, Biden continued. "Although in the beginning I struggled to get the gun under control, and I received some burns to my face, arms, and hair plugs, I managed to shoot down three enemy helicopters, two jets, a heat-seeking missile, four RPGs, and a nasty-looking bird with a bad case of diarrhea."
Biden concluded the modest description of his heroics by noting that "the captain wanted to give me a Congressional Medal of Honor, to go along with my Congressional Medal of Freedom, Purple Heart, Bronze Star, Green Clover, and Blue Diamonds, but I told him to keep his lucky charm for some other deserving soldier. Then I went on my way, after I'd built several dozen homes and rent-controlled apartments single-handedly in the mean streets of Baghdad."
He then flashed his legendary smile, and the cynical press core felt their hearts lift in a rush of joy at having this noble hero regale them with such a regal tale, unlike some presidential candidates, who claim that America's enemies are torturous barbarians whose only thought is to inflict pain and score cheap propaganda points.
In other news, Sarah Palin is still dangerously unqualified to be President and her continued presence on the Republican ticket calls into doubt the sanity of elderly coot John McCain.
Posted by: plebian at
01:58 PM
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The couple arrived at the luxury resort on Monday and spent time enjoying the sun and splashing around in the sea.
Wearing a black bikini, Lindsay, 22, smothered herself in suncream as Sam, 31, relaxed on a lounger.They later played a game of scrabble under the shade of some palm trees.
How many points is "ADEQUITE?"
Posted by: Moron Pundit at
08:33 AM
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October 01, 2008
The Douchebag Anti-Defamation League today sent letters to over a dozen prominent right-wing bloggers, demanding that they stop using the perjorative “douchebag†when referring to certain public persons, particularly Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.
The move follows a report that such references have spiked 85% in the past three days, with the term "Congressional Douchebags" rocketing up 5,000%.
“We at DADL want to remind these people that douchebags serve an important function and do not at all deserve to be impugned by becoming equated with persons of low morals, intellect, or very often both, such as congressmen. Women have had confidence in douchebags for decades as something they can count on, whereas no one of any intelligence would ever have any confidence in these nimrods, except for confidence that they can do the worst possible thing at the worst possible time.â€
At least one blogger issued an apology, writing on his blog “I realize now that my hateful rhetoric has been wrong. DADL has rightfully pointed out that douchebags serve a purpose, whereas people like Chris Dodd’s only purpose is to keep sunlight from reaching the ground. And most things on the ground actually want to get sunlight.â€
DADL suggested bloggers use one of the many existing insults already in circulation. “It’s the only way to keep this from happening again,†they said in their e-mail. “Don’t make us form another anti-defamation league!â€
Posted by: plebian at
02:46 PM
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