March 23, 2010

Moron of the Day: I lost it.

I'd think it was one of you but I'm fucking sure none of you could even  half buy a Lamborghini.  Otherwise, the story checks out:

Initially, authorities in England charged Glenn Knowles and Richard Mant with trying to defraud their insurance company. The pair of men co-own a Lamborghini, or at least they did, until Knowles misplaced it during a night of binge drinking. Prosecutors weren't buying the story that Mr. Knowles took the car and then drank until he erased his mind as a way of coping with a bad time in his personal life.

The matter went to trial, and after six days, a jury conceded that it didn't seem like fraud, ultimately acquitting the pair. It's not the first time Knowles has lost a car. He once tucked a Mercedes behind a nightclub so well that it took a deep search to find it. This time, the Lamborghini seriously cannot be found, despite having a tracking system installed.

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March 11, 2010

Parent FAIL

I don't even know where to start with all the levels of stupidity on this one.

Police believe [the three year old girl] mixed up the semi-automatic with a gun controller for the Nintendo Wii, which looks similar and which she had learned how to use from playing on the games system.

Douglas Cronberger, 32, the gun's owner, said he had forgotten he had left the gun out after he took it from its cabinet when he went to investigate a suspected prowler on Sunday evening.

I'm having a hard time believing this was an accident - teach your toddler that a plastic-but-somewhat-realistic-looking weapon is harmless, teach your kid that it's OK to point it at her own chest and fire, then leave out a real, loaded weapon.  I'd joke that it's weapons-grade stupid, but that'd be beyond poor taste.

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Moron of the Day: Newsweek

Yeah, that Internet thing will never take off. 

Do our computer pundits lack all common sense? The truth in no online database will replace your daily newspaper, no CD-ROM can take the place of a competent teacher and no computer network will change the way government works.

...
Try reading a book on disc. At best, it's an unpleasant chore: the myopic glow of a clunky computer replaces the friendly pages of a book. And you can't tote that laptop to the beach. Yet Nicholas Negroponte, director of the MIT Media Lab, predicts that we'll soon buy books and newspapers straight over the Intenet. Uh, sure.

Hah.  The whole article is similarly hilarious in its complete and utter fail.

(h/t: Slashdot)

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:38 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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March 03, 2010

Which of you morons has moved to the Great Lakes area?

"God delivered me from evil and placed me in Albion, Michigan."

Posted by: Alice H at 11:14 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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February 24, 2010

Are we going to have to start a new category for WTF is Wrong With Philly?

"We only fingerprinted his left hand," he said.

Rant from the blogfather in 5...4...3...

Posted by: Alice H at 11:27 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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February 18, 2010

Moron of the Day: Not Dead. Just Busy.

Yeah, I'm the moron of the day.  Again.

See, I apparently thought it was a good idea to consistently take on more (mostly non-paying) projects in the second half of last year and here I am paying for it.  Throw in my 30th birthday, daughter raising and actual paying work and I'm busier than a teleprompter repair man after an EMP in Washington D.C. 

As the political campaigns start to warm up in Wisconsin and Illinois I'll be more engaged as I have some inside people in Illinois' governor race and much to say about Wisconsin politics as we get closer to the middle of the year.

On a side note, anybody any good at sprite drawing/animation?  I have a super secret personal project that is nearing a stage where it will need some pretty pictures.

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February 10, 2010

atc FTW!

So I was opining about how the IOC needs a good global worming protest to get some snow on the mountains.
atc(ISIAC) said, "The obvious answer is to hold them in DC."
Sure, we all laughed at her, but who's laughing now?
In talking about DC's problem with getting rid of snow
Quote
Neighboring counties have started work on their own snow mountains at sites around the capital. Because of their size, the mountains will likely freeze and stick around long after the rest of the snow melts.

There are snow mountains all over the place, I was going to get a pic of the one under the Woodrow Wilson Bridge, but it's most of a mile away and the walkway isn't shoveled and I don't have snowshoes.
Click the link for one mountain range dwarfing a tractor trailer.

Posted by: Veeshir at 11:22 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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January 29, 2010

Moron of the Day: NBA Player Gives Birth Control Advice

No.  Really.

Dear Haitians -

First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.

As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it's possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?

Sincerely,

The Rest of the World

I don't know whether to laugh or be OUTRAGED!!!!1

Maybe both?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:10 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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January 21, 2010

DId we ever doubt it?

OK, maybe we doubted that such a poof actually procreated with a woman, but still...

Posted by: Alice H at 10:37 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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January 19, 2010

Jonah Falcon, Man With World's Largest Penis, Unemployed In New York

Since being profiled in Rolling Stone and appearing in an HBO documentary about his 13.5 inch penis, the 39-year-old Brooklyn native has struggled to find a steady job and is now living at home with his mother
Maybe he should have though of that before pulling his junk out on TV. Jus' sayin' is all.

(Received via email with laugh track attached. My friends apparently have no sympathy for Mr. Falcon)

Link - warning it's HuffPo

Posted by: chad98036 at 02:29 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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January 15, 2010

Good News Everybody! It's no longer all Bush's fault...

Now the computers are to blame.

A big reason why the government is inefficient and ineffective is because Washington has outdated technology, with federal workers having better computers at home than in the office.


But... You know who didn't update the computers? Bush that's who. So, I guess it is his fault after all.

Good News Everybody! It's still all Bush's fault.

Posted by: chad98036 at 12:31 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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January 13, 2010

I'm not dead yet.

I was pining for the fjords.
Yeah, I know, different skits.

So anyway, I was feeling low so I called this helpline.
Apparently, they have their call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was feeling suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

Badum-Chee!

So anyway, to celebrate my return, click and see how long you have after being bitten before becoming a zombie.
I got 1 hour 8 minutes. I wonder how to make quicker, no sense sitting around waiting for it.

Posted by: Veeshir at 05:03 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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January 09, 2010

Moron of the Day: Broom Closet

Looking for a special lady?

A woman passed out in a broom closet at the Bombers Burrito Bar on State Street and wasn't noticed until she woke up and triggered the security alarm after closing time early Thursday, the restaurant's owner said.

On his blog, fridaypuppy.com , Matt Baumgartner writes the woman, who he identified only as "some drunk girl named Erica," was inside a closet at the 447 State St. establishment when the place closed.

You've found her. Just go to the address listed and look for her number under "for a good time" in the bathroom.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:22 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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January 06, 2010

2010: The Year of Excellence in Parenting

We're kicking off the new year with some shining examples of good parenting.  I think we can only hope to reach these pinnacles of family values.

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d120/allish/DPUD/Untitled-1.png

“If I’m such a bad parent, then how come they brought the kids back right after I got out jail?" Marsh asked.
After being arrested for tattooing six of her seven children.  Well, sort of her children.
"We have kids from separate marriages," Marsh said. "OK, so I have four and he has three but they're all ours, you know. Anyway, so they wanted one so we're like OK, so it's just a little biddy cross right here, OK?
And then we have the dad concerned enough about setting a good example for his offspring that he didn't yell, "Don't tase me, bro!" in front of the child.

http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d120/allish/DPUD/538lgrl8.png
Cops say Florida resident Jorge Garcia tried to use his baby as a human shield when an officer drew a Taser on the ranting dad during a traffic stop.

"Tase the baby," the 39-year-old from Delton, Fla., just north of Orlando, reportedly yelled at police.

Police did not tase the baby.
You know what I think is making both of these guys excellent parents?  The facial hair.  They're both wearing that 'not quite a Van Dyke because I'm too drunkover to only see one image in the mirror and so I accidentally shaved the sides off' faux beard.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:01 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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December 27, 2009

Upstanding beacon of truth falsely incriminated by the Chimpy McHitlerburton VRWC

Our favorite troofer, Charlie Sheen, was locked up this Christmas in an attempt to silence him by George Dubya and the rest of the reich-wing Rethuglickans, including his wife.  You'd think that someone observant enough to realize that fire doesn't melt steel would realize that his evil spouse, mother of his evil twin babies, was in reality a double agent.  His wife obviously wasn't the victim here, nor was Kelly Preston.

Posted by: Alice H at 03:41 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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December 23, 2009

Moron of the Day: Hell, maybe the year.

So, your neighbor won't turn down his music.  Ever.  24 hours a day.  For more than a week.

And that music is Robbie Williams.

What would you do?

A 45-year-old man has been jailed for 16 years for killing his neighbour after he played the same Robbie Williams song at full volume non-stop for more than a week. Alexander Alexandrov snapped after he'd heard Angels more than a thousand times through the wall of his apartment in Pernik, Bulgaria. He was caught when his car ran out of petrol as he tried to dump his throttled 27-year-old victim Martin Kromov's body, the court heard.

I lol'd.  Yes, I most certainly did. 

Let's hear from the murderer:
"I was in constant terror of his music. I could no longer think about anything but making him turn it off," said desperate Alexandrov, who intends to appeal his sentence.

Sounds like a case of justifiable homicide to me.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 02:30 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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December 09, 2009

Moron of hte Day: This Exploding Gum Is Hilarious!

I can't wait to see his ... OH THE HORROR!

A chemistry student in the Ukraine was found dead with his jaw blown off by what is believed to be exploding chewing gum, according to reports.

The 25-year-old's disfigured remains were discovered at his parent's home in the northern Ukrainian city of Konotop, reports in the Eastern European country said.

The young man, who studied at Kiev Polytechnic Institute, was working at a computer late on Saturday when the alleged explosion happened.

"A loud pop was heard from the student's room," the ukranews.com Web site said, citing an aide to the city's police chief.

"When his relatives entered the room, they saw that the lower part of the young man's face had been blown off."

Well, how the hell could that happen?

The student apparently had a bizarre habit of chewing gum after dipping it into citric acid, Russian news agency Ria Novosti said.

Officers found both citric acid packets and a similar-looking unidentified substance, believed to be some kind of explosive material, on a table near the body, the agency continued.

Investigators suspect that the student simply confused the packets and put gum covered with explosive material into his mouth.

Moron.

Once again, I'm left wondering what percentage of stories that come out of Russia are true. 50%?  60%?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:20 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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December 04, 2009

Huckabee II

Joseph Cao may have an R after his name, but that's pretty much the only Republican thing about him. (NY Times link, but that's the source of the interview. Sorry.)

Did you support the bill to curry favor with your constituents? You represent a mostly black district that is among the poorest in the nation.
This is a personal position of mine. I do believe that we need health care reform. I do believe that we as a government have a duty to help those who are in need but who cannot help themselves.

So you’re saying you voted out of personal conviction, not politics?
Correct. I spent six years in the Society of Jesus, training to be a priest. I always adhere to what I call “the politics of the Gospel.” You have to take care of the poor, take care of the widows, visit the sick, help those who cannot help themselves.

Why did you become a Republican?
Because of their strong pro-life stance. That alone.
Joseph Cao was being touted as a great example of minorities being embraced by the GOP by Cynthia Lummis (R-WY) in a speech at the RNC Women's Summit last month.  This is the same gal who compared Ryan Frazier, a Navy vet who has successfully run a business, has a long history of volunteer service, and has been a successful city council member, with Obambi, because "when you close your eyes you can hear Barack Obama!!!1!!eleventyone!!"  Someone in Lummis's office needs to edumacate her about skin color and why we support the people we support.  Joseph Cao needs to be primaried out (although in Louisiana I doubt that will happen). 

Let's have some rampant speculation on what's going to happen in that seat next cycle. Given that the choice was between Cao and Cold Cash Jefferson, it's unsurprising that the RINO won - so what will we get next year?

Posted by: Alice H at 11:04 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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November 24, 2009

Did I miss Ace's birthday?

Is Ace 8 already?
/images/ace.jpg

25 Star Wars cakes via the Jawas


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November 22, 2009

Breaking News - FAA Computer Outage Resulted From Purposeful Shutdown So A Nuclear Missle Could Be Fired At Denver

This is complicated so bear with me.

Apparently Obama is engaged in a secret war against the CIA, Federal Reserve, and G-20 globalists who along with the Bush-Cheney Drug Cartel are attempting to establish a New World Order.  The shutdown of the FAA computer system the week was done on purpose to allow forces loyal to President Obama to launch a nuclear attack on the Denver International Airport.  This airport is apparently a secret evacuation center for the NWO elite established so they can escape after the fall of the US occurs. 

At this point it appears Obama is winning. 

How did I not know about this war?  Thank God Sorcha Faal is here to inform me about such things because apparently the vast right wing conspiracy isn't going to.  Now I have to decide who to root for the CIA / Federal Reserve / Bush Cheney Drug Cartel or Obama and the forces of good.

Posted by: chad98036 at 12:48 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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