Someone give this man his World's Biggest Douche Award.

A lot of times, I'll say a story left me speechless, and then proceed to follow it up with two or three paragraphs of shit.  This story really, actually left me speechless.  I will say this is some seriously fucked up shit and leave it at that.

Posted by: Ember at 11:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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A mystery for the ages

Who is the greater whackadoodle?

Excitable Andi or Pat Robertson.

I'm thinking it's a tie myself. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 03:44 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Balloon Boy's father: You're a liar and I'mma sue you, sheriff!

What a fucking retard.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 11:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Our System At Work

Crotchbomber had his visa revoked.

Yesterday.

Fucking B+ there, folks. Solid fucking B+.

 

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:11 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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SEE IT'S NOT JUST ME

Even the USPS agrees.

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:24 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I Give The Democrats A B+ On Their Foreign Policy And War On Terror

I mean, as sadly predictable as this story is, I still am amazed at the EPIC FAIL that will come from Obama's handling of recent events.

Appearing on "Fox News Sunday," Brennan was asked why the Obama administration did not choose to treat Abdulmutallab as an enemy combatant. "He was arrested on U.S. soil," Brennan answered. "The Department of Justice makes that determination about what is the best tool to use {with this crew in charge? We're screwed-ed}."

{But if the guy had had a copy of a Glenn Beck book on his body, he'd be the lone resident of Gitmo forever-ed}

Pressed about reports Abdulmutallab stopped talking to investigators after he was given a lawyer and read his Miranda rights, Brennan said, "We have an array of tools that we will use" in the case {and what are they? Asking the ACLU what to do next?-ed}. "[Abdulmutallab] was in fact talking to people who were detaining him…Just because somebody is going to be put into the criminal legal process doesn't mean we don't have other opportunities to get information from him."

{and you'll squander those opportunities as well-ed}

Anybody see the problem with the above inset?

After that, this story only gets better.

Brennan also said the Obama administration will continue to send Guantanamo detainees to Yemen. "Absolutely," he said. "We're going to be working closely with the Yemeni government." {you mean Yemen has a functioning Government? Color me shocked! So far, Yemen doesn't seem too interested in holding terrorists-ed}Brennan added: "Guantanamo must be closed…It has served as a propaganda tool for al Qaeda. {so does jihadi snuff pron and the promise of a free goat to fuck every night. So should we eliminate that as well?-ed}"

Fuck this shit! This is going to end poorly.

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:32 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Total Body Scanners Would Not Have Caught the Nigerian Underwear Bomber

So says The Independent anyway.

The explosive device smuggled in the clothing of the Detroit bomb suspect would not have been detected by body-scanners set to be introduced in British airports, an expert on the technology warned last night.

…

Since the attack was foiled, body-scanners, using "millimetre-wave" technology and revealing a naked image of a passenger, have been touted as a solution to the problem of detecting explosive devices that are not picked up by traditional metal detectors – such as those containing liquids, chemicals or plastic explosive.

But Ben Wallace, the Conservative MP, who was formerly involved in a project by a leading British defence research firm to develop the scanners for airport use, said trials had shown that such low-density materials went undetected.

Tests by scientists in the team at Qinetiq, which Mr Wallace advised before he became an MP in 2005, showed the millimetre-wave scanners picked up shrapnel and heavy wax and metal, but plastic, chemicals and liquids were missed.

If a material is low density, such as powder, liquid or thin plastic – as well as the passenger's clothing – the millimetre waves pass through and the object is not shown on screen. High- density material such as metal knives, guns and dense plastic such as C4 explosive reflect the millimetre waves and leave an image of the object.

 

I would say that this just points out the need for a comprehensive security screening system that focuses on the mental state of the person as well as the physical characteristics.

Posted by: chad98036 at 08:43 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Just to start the new year out right, another helping of Fan Fiction Friday

In which Superman is anally abused by a grammatically impaired busty blond porn star.

These fanfics are so wrong, so very very wrong, but at the same time so amusing.  I am probably headed for a special Kryptonian hell for laughing so hard at this one.

Posted by: chad98036 at 12:40 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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WTF is Wrong With Wisconsin: Kenosha Police 12 Days of Christmas

Yes. This is my home town.


Wow.

Just wow.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 01:47 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Hipsters vs. Overzealous Cops: Whoever wins, we lose.

Greetings from the snowpocalypse. I am currently under about 15 inches of snow. Fun times. What's more fun? Having a HUGE snowball fight because your entire city is shut down.

But, as the old saying goes, it's all fun and games until someone brings a gun to a snowball fight.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 07:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Has Ben Nelson Been Bought?

Maybe.

Fuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:01 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Re: Patterico and Goldstein

From Vanity Fair -

Yes, while the rest of us were blithely going on with our Christmassy lives and preparing our aluminum poles for Festivus, an ugly blogwar broke out in the right hemisphere of Godzilla-versus-Mothra scope and fury, featuring volley after return volley of fiery halitosis and hair-splitting pedantry. Escalating a minor dispute into an all-engulfing shit fit, Protein Wisdom's Jeff Goldstein and Patterico's Pontifications' Patrick Frey locked themselves in a mutual-destruction danse macabre that couldn't be more gaudy and futile if I had scripted it myself, in my recurring role as Mischievous Trickster. The catalyst for this duel at Diablo was an inquiry into whether certain moldy comments written in the nineties by conservative journalist and carnival barker Robert Stacy McCain revealed telltale residue of racism. This evolved into a Goldstein tutorial on authorial intent full of jargon and bluster which was met by Patrick Frey in a tedious display of his own brand of bravado, with ratfucky posters rushing to and fro from the comments sections of the two blogs with pipsqueak Iago poisonings of innuendo and incitement to keep everything at full spite.

 

Of course at root this really isn't about accusations of racism or authorial intent or who promised to delete which emails or who banned whom from commenting, this is simply a foam-rubber swordfight between two sore, angry egos too fatuously proud to stand down.

Maybe this is a hint that both of them are wrong and need to back off. Especially since the comments section at Patterico's is starting to resemble that at Little Green Footballs. At PW most of the comments seem to be from Goldstein himself (j/k), but there does seem to be a little more back and forth in my opinion.

Posted by: chad98036 at 09:29 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Jesse Ventura is a giant rectal polyp

I struggle to find the correct words to describe how little respect I have for this man.

This evening through no fault of my own I was exposed to two episodes of his new show Conspiracy Theory. Oh my god what a heaping pile of feces thsi show is.

Let me give you a very quick example of the level of scientific rigor that is employed by Ventura and his team.

First watch this video.


That was an example of the Weber Rinne test. It is used to screen for sensironeural hearing loss or conductive hearing loss. Specifically it is used to test the 8th Cranial Nerve.

Now watch this bit from Ventura's show (starts at about 8 minutes in)





Notice how the Doctor says the sound goes directly to the patients brain. Let me clue you in dumbass - That's what cranial nerves do.

Essentially Ventura was overwhelmed by a pair of bone conduction speakers or hearing aids. If I had known mind control was as simple as playing music through someones mandible I would have done it a long time ago.

The show is filled with crap like this. This was just the easiest thing to disprove at 2130 on a Saturday night.

Posted by: chad98036 at 12:30 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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There's no possible way I'm telling you the context of this

But I knew all y'all would enjoy mocking the hell out of me it. 

"For my funeral, I want to be dressed in a clown suit and shot out of a cannon into a daycare. The therapists of the future will thank me."

I must say, this idea has merit and I may be subscribing to that newsletter.

Posted by: alexthechick at 11:38 PM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
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Idiot Gets Offended By A Pants Ad, Then Promptly Gets Pwned By Her Readers

I don't know what is better: the Dockers man-ifesto, or the mockery this idiot gets for her (I assume this is a "she") disdain for said statement. I just hope Dockers is man enough to not pull the ad.

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:38 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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How Do You Spell FAIL?

ACLU. (NYT link).

“This family, that has sought to protect its privacy by arranging its gifts anonymously, notified us last month that due to market conditions it will be unable to make its expected sizable donations of over $20 million,” Mr. Romero said.

A.C.L.U. board members, who insisted on anonymity because the loss of the gift was reported in an executive session of their meeting, identified the donor as David Gelbaum, who made a fortune as a hedge fund manager and is now better known as a major investor in clean technology.

Mr. Romero said that donors like the Leon Levy Foundation, the Open Society Institute, Peter B. Lewis and John Sperling had stepped up with pledges totaling $23 million spread over the next three years. But unlike the annual Gelbaum gifts, the new money will have to be shared with state affiliates.

“Even with this incredible outpouring of support, we may still not have sufficient resources to replace our revenue gap,” Mr. Romero said. “Therefore we will need to consider a number of budget reductions as well as the possibility of drawing down from our reserve funds if necessary.”

Late last year, suffering from a decline in charitable giving caused by the economic downturn as well as the loss of income from two foundations hit by the Bernard L. Madoff scandal, the A.C.L.U. pared 10 percent of its national staff, or 36 jobs, and Mr. Romero agreed to a 15 percent cut in his salary, reducing it to $302,048 this year, compared with $355,000 in the prior year.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHfuckyoulosersHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA*cough*HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH!

Oh, this is fucking rich! Fuck you, ACLU! Fuck you with a rusty American Flagpole that had been used to impale and defile the Maplethorpe photos.

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:46 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Best DUI Story Of The Moment

Seriously, an Amish dude asleep at the *umm* "wheel"", I guess*umm* and blowing over the limit? What has this world come to?

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:44 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Somehow got this song stuck in my head

...and we of course all know that means you're going to have to suffer with me,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 04:13 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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You Know Who Would Fit In Swimmingly At Ft. Hood Right About Now?

If you said a dude with ties to Terrorist Groups, then come up and collect your blood money prize.

...the Defense Department has brought Louay Safi to Fort Hood as an instructor, and that he has been lecturing on Islam to our troops in Fort Hood who are about to deploy to Afghanistan. Safi is a top official of the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA), and served as research director at the International Institute of Islamic Thought (IIIT).

Worse, last evening, Safi was apparently permitted to present a check (evidently on behalf of ISNA) to the families of the victims of last month's Fort Hood massacre. A military source told the blogger Barbarossa at the Jawa Report: "This is nothing short of blood money. This is criminal and the Ft. Hood base commander should be fired right now."

Ummm....what in the facecockingly fucked up world of fucked up facecocks is going on here? Did the last six fucking weeks not happen at Ft. Hood? Couldn't the Army get somebody, anybody, not tied to jihadi groups to come on base and lecture soldiers about Islam?

Jeebus Tittyfucking In A Dumpster Keerist! If this didn't come from Planet FAIL, nothing ever has or will in the future.

Posted by: eddiebear at 11:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I don't think it's possible...

...to miss the point of a column more widely than Frank Martin (the first letter writer on the page) does here.

The Steyn column he's referring to is this one.

Posted by: Sean M. at 09:33 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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