August 28, 2008

Man releases Hostages for beer run

A man in Moline held the Hostages by knifepoint after an argument.  He got thirsty after a few hours and ordered two of the Hostages to get him some beer.

One of the Hostages called police immediately to report the hostage situation, then went to get some beer and ended up traveling cross country to drink the finest beer and eat the best bar grub he could get his hands on. 

The other released Hostage waited until about 2:30AM that night to call police, where they engaged in a lengthy conversation, the dispatcher still isn't quite sure what the hell they were talking about.  Police had resolved the rest of the situation peacefully hours ago, and the hostage taker is awaiting trial. 

Upon release, one of the Hostages, a large, loud, self-proclaimed Man-Lesbian-American stated to reporters,

"I dunno, he was kind of a cool guy, other than the threats, angry rambling and mild stabbing, but it was getting seriously boring in there.  No beer obviously, but there was nothing else either.  Not even any somewhat chunky Eastern European women with gigantic melons.  Hell, I'd take pictures, I usually do," (s)he said with a laugh.  "And no Limp Bizkit, though I would have taken any wretched 90's rap/rock band at that point."  Overhearing the bombastic man-lesbian, one of the other Hostages simply rolled his eyes and walked to his car to go home.


One of the female Hostages said the hostage taker kept asking for her number because he quote, "had a thing for redheads."  She politely declined, despite having a knife angrily waved at her several times.  Another Hostage noted she was happy about the situation, because it kept her from cheating on her new diet, while another wasn't happy with the liberal amount of cursing coming from the hostage taker.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 07:59 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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