July 02, 2010

John Fitzgerald Page (aka The Male Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey aka The World's Worst Person) is back...

UPDATE:  Extra special douchey update below the fold.

and this time he is trying to extort $1,000 from a 19 year old girl.

If you don't remember Mr. Page (hereafter "douche") he made the news in 2007 when Gawker.com dubbed him the world's worst person after an e-mail exchange he had with a potential match on match.com went viral. Douche apparently couldn't handle being rejected after laying out his numerous charms for the lady and responded to her "no thanks" thusly:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!


John Douche

To fully understand what a prize Douche is you need to watch this interview he gave to CBS News:

OK, so now you have the background and we can move on to today's story. Apparently since the last time we met him Douche has started a talent agency in Atlanta in which he sends the models on publicly advertised casting calls and then collects (according to gawker) large commissions. A 19 year old girl figured out what he was doing and via a reply all to an email let everyone else know. Douche then tried to wring a little money out of her:

Subject: "Your options: APOLOGIZE/SETTLE/GET SUED" He tells the girls "I am going to educate you to a bit and then give you your options."


1) APOLOGIZE. I need a full, heartfelt, detailed apology, which I will send to all affected talent. You had nothing to lose by working with me, and everything to gain. If I made you $100 this year, you were up $100!


2) Pay me $1000 settlement EACH by Sunday at midnight. This is to make up for commissions lost today and in the future, by you actively revealing my business sources to my talent. And your attempt to damage my reputation, question my intelligence and reduce my talent pool. Also, my name or my business name is never to cross your lips again.


3) On Monday, I will begin the legal process to sue you both for the sum of $100,000 for defamation of character, libel, slander, current and future loss of income & talent pool. I will probably win an out of court settlement from you for $10K each pretty easily, based on the emails you each wrote that I have forwarded to my counsel.

After Rebecca called him and told him to fuck off, basically, Page Douche reiterated his accomplishments and demands in a new email. Adding, this time,

My legal team is prepared, I expect to hear from you ASAP about which option you want to explore. You stood your ground as tiny mouse against a cat, now that you recognize that cat is a mountain lion, maybe you will come to your senses.

Now personally I don't really have a problem with Douche's business model.  If the girls aren't smart enough to check the papers themselves that's on them.  I do have a problem with him threatening someone because they figured out what he was doing and warned others.  Let's face it he knew he wasn't really providing a valuable service, when people contract with an agent they do so because they believe they are gaining access to people / events that they wouldn't ordinarily have, if you think you are smart enough to play off that belief without actually delivering you have no room for complaint when you are caught.

To really get a full view of Douche's douchieness check out his playlist and the underlying theme of the titles.  (Normally I wouldn't point this out because God knows I make my share of spelling errors, and like everyone I make mistakes of fact, but I don't manage to work my MENSA membership into every conversation; that said song number 3 in his play list is Big Bad John and the artist is listed as Jonny Cash.  First, Jimmy Dean sang "Big Bad John", second, it's Johnny Cash not Jonny.  If I was MENSA I think I would be reviewing that membership. )

After Heather's visit in the comments (Rebecca from the gawker story) I returned there and found out about an episode of Dr. Phil that Douche appeared on. I took a hit for the team and searched the episode out and watched his appearance, it was as painful as you might imagine until Dr. Phil busted him for, shall we say, embellishing his profile a bit:

I'm also pretty sure he left his Futurama appearance off his IMDb profile:


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