I know I'm violating the Ace of Spades Lifestyle Terms of Service but I'm a proud, full-blooded Puffin-Humper. Before you commence mockery, consider the following situation. You're in a foreign country, trashed off your ass and 78 years old.
Do you:
A) Find a hotel. B) Go to the airport and catch a flight. C) Get in a boat and fucking row home.
A drunken 78-year-old Swede stole a dinghy after a night out in the Danish town of Helsingor and tried to row back to Sweden, but fell asleep halfway, Danish police said on Monday.
When the man discovered he lacked the necessary funds to pay for the ferry from Helsingor to Helsingborg in Sweden on Saturday, he decided to row the five km (three miles) across the strait of Oresund that separates the two.
He quickly grew tired and, trusting fortune and the currents to see him safely home, took a snooze at the bottom of the boat, where Danish police later found him out at sea, still asleep.
Yeah, he didn't make it but he has the mind of a mad viking! That adventurous spirit is why we dominated you grass-loving shirt-lifters for centuries.
Update: It is important to note that he didn't have the necessary funds because he spent it all on booze. Epic.
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"It would be wicked to give it zero because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling," Buckroyd was quoted as saying.
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I guess the world will just have to deal with Mediocre Britain from now on.
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Back in the bad old days, if you spent several hours each day worrying about whether or not Abe Vigoda was still alive, you would constantly have to type in "vigoda" on Google News. And really, who has time for that?
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A few years ago, there was a Firefox extension that would report the alive/dead status of Abe Vigoda in your status bar, but it died with Firefox 2, I think.
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It even had a little headshot of Abe smiling in the status bar - quite possibly the same picture on the website. I always wondered if the picture would change if he died.
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In other news today, the smiling face of E-be Vigoda has turned into a frown.
America mourns his passing.
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Posted by: Alice H at June 27, 2008 06:04 PM (jRtPb)
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It's an old page, but still funny.
The joke comes from an item in People magazine where they mistakenly reported him as dead. He appeared in the magazine after the item appeared standing over his own grave. There's even a user on Fark who goes under the name of Abe Vigoda's Ghost.
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Just let me nerd out for a second, okay?
I went to the Drudge Report this morning* and my head about exploded with geek excitement. KTLA blogs that, as expected, Heath Ledger seems a crowd favorite for the first posthumous Oscar in over 30 years:
His work, as The Joker, will absolutely be nominated for an Oscar, and
at this point in the year, Ledger is also a hands-down favorite to win
it posthumously. Ledger offers perfect pitch, perfect tone, his Joker
hits all the right notes. 'The Dark Knight' is among the better
super-hero movies of all time, and Ledger is THE BEST villain in a
super hero movie of all time.
I hope this is an actual, honest assessment and not a way for Hollywood to use a fallen actor to pat themselves on the back, as we recently saw with the media after Tim Russert's death.
(Oh, and be sure to poke through the comments at the KTLA link. They include instant classics like "i think keith is playing dead to get the sympathy vote." Nice.)
I'm putting excerpts from the first review (from Rolling Stone) below the fold, as I have found that my definition for what a spoiler is differs from the views of others. So be warned, this may qualify as a minor spoiler.
*and by morning I, of course, mean 2pm. I'm second shift, what do you want from my life? more...
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Just in case you were wondering just how retarded school administrators are:
It's the case of the nonexistent ninja. Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.
Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.
Idiots. Everyone should have known immediately that it wasn't a real ninja because he was spotted in the woods.
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Madonna is seeking legal advice to end her marriage of seven years to film director Guy Ritchie, according to the Times of London.
The 49-year-old pop star reportedly has begun seeking advice from divorce attorney Fiona Shackleton, who represented Paul McCartney in his divorce from model Heather Mills.
In other news, GlaxoSmithKline (makers of Valtrex) stock has tripled in the last hour.
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Anyone who would still hit this bag of bones needs a lot of help. It seems like Guy Ritchie compared the benefits of suicide vs. those of divorce, and chose wisely.
Posted by: Hermit Dave at June 26, 2008 04:15 PM (Tk5HT)
I appreciate and share Mark Levin's love and support of America's armed forces, but I spending 5-7 minutes of his radio show playing the anthems of each of her branches a bit tedious.
I hope this doesn't cause a suspension in my Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy membership.
1
You find the anthems tedious, but no comment about his VOICE? Goodness gracious.
Although I think that comment completely negates my VRWC membership, so they'll probably overlook your comment. Just paint a target on my forehead, I'll draw the fire.
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After I read this article,I like it and have a great harvest.
I was going to do a post about these cute girls in Utah protesting high gas prices because their parents can't afford cable but I realized it was an AP article so I have to sum it up in 5 words:
Pyper [...] and [...] Sadie [...] had [...] gas[...].
Loses something in the translation.
Oh wait, I just noticed the AP stole this story from the Salt Lake Tribune.
When a daily dose of Hannah Montana became impossible, the Vance sisters knew it was time to take to the streets.
Sadie, 9, and her sister Pyper, 7, marched around downtown Salt Lake City chanting, "Lower the gas prices," while carrying homemade signs. The sisters decided to protest after losing their favorite cable TV shows when their mother, Michelle, had to sacrifice cable TV to pay for her daily commute.
"Gas prices are too high," Sadie said. "I just decided to come and protest so they'd go down."
Cute.
Now back to the AP fellating me.
I've always wondered something about the news business. Isn't news just something you heard from somewhere? So doesn't a news reporter just hear something and then tell someone else who then, in turn, tells somebody else? Sooner or later somebody writes it down and prints it out and then a bunch of other people read it and mention it to other people, right?
In this case, does the AP have to pay the SLT for the story? Did the SLT have to pay dude that called them to let them know this was happening? Did that guy have to pay the girls for doing it?
Seriously, somebody explain this as you would to a retard because I don't even see how the AP gets to charge at all.
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I think anyone who is called for a quote by any MSM organization should start charging. I'd do it, but noone seems to want to talk to me. Amazing, I know.
Posted by: Hermit Dave at June 25, 2008 12:46 PM (Tk5HT)
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Nope, living on the third floor on a hill seems to have protected me. In fact, downtown Waukesha seems to be doing alright... I'm assuming all that water ran down to Iowa and destroyed some dreams.
Thunderstorms tonight and tomorrow. Shitty.
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If any of you listened to The Dennis Miller Show this morning on the radio, I was definitely on there. It was on voicemail, so I didn't know until I heard it just now.
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Posted by: doubleplusundead at June 24, 2008 10:47 PM (LUngb)
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Aren't the shows streamed off his site? And I'm glad to know that the Moron level of competence was upheld.
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Haha. I have called the voice mail a couple of times with what I thought were smart things. Naturally, they use the call I gave them on my idea for their tee shirt contest. Haha.
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I'm not talking about night vision goggles for your late-nite hobo huntin' expeditions. No, these are Val-U-Rite vodka delivery systems for those rare situations when a Moron doesn't want to be seen guzzling his (or her) favorite 80 proof beverage straight out of the 1.75 liter jug. You know, like at family weddings. Or parole hearings.
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Yeah me neither.
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Ed Driscoll kicked this our way, so I thought I'd post it. Something about the imagery at the end is amusing to me. The Hundred Acre Mafia really has some serious gear!
Match Game to be revivedI predict it will be utter crap, the main reason being the antithesis of funneh, Sarah Silverman will be involved. Not even the awesome Norm MacDonald is gonna be able to negate her chronically unfunneh presence. Scott Thompson from KITH will be there too, I assuming to be a Charles Nelson Reilly type figure. I don't think they'll recapture the essence of the old Match Game series, but it'll be interesting to see them try.
I love Match Game, I watch it whenever it's on and I loved it back in the day. I watched it from its beginning as "Match Game", on through "Match Game 7X" and on to "Match Game PM" where they wore suits.
The beauty of that show was that you had a bunch of likable people (and Richard Dawson, who played one on TV) sitting around getting drunk and having a good time. As Brett said in an interview once, you could always tell which was the second show taped that day because they were all hammered by then. Or as Charles Nelson Reilly supposedly said, "This isn't a job, it's a social engagement."
The new one is going to suck. They're not going to be able to have fun, most jokes will be off limits except for sexual ones. Back then, it was always almost naughty but generally clean and pretty darn funny. Now? The answer to every "blank" will be "private parts" or "sex", count on it. It'll be "faux-edgy" which is the most annoying type of edgy.
I bet a dollar they won't be able to get drunk so they'll all be doing lines in the bathroom. And cocaine doesn't lead to teh funny. Pot, lsd and alcohol (for example, SNL, SNL and Johnny Carson respectively) make teh funny.
And... they'll never be able to replace Gene Rayburn, the way he could keep things rolling along as it got really drunk out or Charles Nelson Reilly who was flamboyently gay long before it was allowable to be gay on tv.
Oh well, hopefully they'll still show reruns on the Game Show Network and I still have the Match Game dvd.
As a related aside, Hogan's Heroes has been on TV Land lately and, unlike many sitcoms from back in the day like Welcome Back Kotter, it's still darn funny. Count on it being made into a sucky movie.
Posted by: Veeshir at June 20, 2008 10:47 AM (ThMnZ)
This is one show very well worth bringing back. Leave it to TV execs to ruin it by picking the wrong people, however. Some people think Silverman is hilarous, but even then, this is not her type of show.
A fun thing to do would be to pick the panel you'd like to see. I think one of the keys is to stay away from people who are too famous or they'd take over the show. My list:
Stewart French (great sarcastic wit)
Paula Poundstone (Brett Sommers type)
Scott Thompson (really like this choice for the CNR type)
Jessica Simpson (token dumb hot blonde)
Gary Busey (insane, but funny and pretty smart)
Parker Posey (enough said)
Posted by: Hermit Dave at June 20, 2008 10:53 AM (Tk5HT)
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I'm gonna go ahead and join the shun list. I like Sarah Silverman.
BUT...I think that this project isn't good for her, because she'd have to censor herself.
I'd be all about watching Norm MacDonald on Match Game though.
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