June 30, 2008
A) Find a hotel.
B) Go to the airport and catch a flight.
C) Get in a boat and fucking row home.
Scandis know the answer:
A drunken 78-year-old Swede stole a dinghy after a night out in the Danish town of Helsingor and tried to row back to Sweden, but fell asleep halfway, Danish police said on Monday.Yeah, he didn't make it but he has the mind of a mad viking! That adventurous spirit is why we dominated you grass-loving shirt-lifters for centuries.
When the man discovered he lacked the necessary funds to pay for the ferry from Helsingor to Helsingborg in Sweden on Saturday, he decided to row the five km (three miles) across the strait of Oresund that separates the two.
He quickly grew tired and, trusting fortune and the currents to see him safely home, took a snooze at the bottom of the boat, where Danish police later found him out at sea, still asleep.
Update: It is important to note that he didn't have the necessary funds because he spent it all on booze. Epic.
"It would be wicked to give it zero because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling," Buckroyd was quoted as saying.
"It's better than someone that doesn't write anything at all."
I guess the world will just have to deal with Mediocre Britain from now on.
June 27, 2008
Now, there's an easier way.
His work, as The Joker, will absolutely be nominated for an Oscar, and at this point in the year, Ledger is also a hands-down favorite to win it posthumously. Ledger offers perfect pitch, perfect tone, his Joker hits all the right notes. 'The Dark Knight' is among the better super-hero movies of all time, and Ledger is THE BEST villain in a super hero movie of all time.I hope this is an actual, honest assessment and not a way for Hollywood to use a fallen actor to pat themselves on the back, as we recently saw with the media after Tim Russert's death.
(Oh, and be sure to poke through the comments at the KTLA link. They include instant classics like "i think keith is playing dead to get the sympathy vote." Nice.)
I'm putting excerpts from the first review (from Rolling Stone) below the fold, as I have found that my definition for what a spoiler is differs from the views of others. So be warned, this may qualify as a minor spoiler.
*and by morning I, of course, mean 2pm. I'm second shift, what do you want from my life?
Just in case you were wondering just how retarded school administrators are:
It's the case of the nonexistent ninja. Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.
Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.
Idiots. Everyone should have known immediately that it wasn't a real ninja because he was spotted in the woods.
You can't see ninjas, duh!more...
June 26, 2008
Well, she's talking to a cut-throat divorce attorney, anyway:
Madonna is seeking legal advice to end her marriage of seven years to film director Guy Ritchie, according to the Times of London.In other news, GlaxoSmithKline (makers of Valtrex) stock has tripled in the last hour.
The 49-year-old pop star reportedly has begun seeking advice from divorce attorney Fiona Shackleton, who represented Paul McCartney in his divorce from model Heather Mills.
June 25, 2008
Now, I normally don't like this webcomic, as it's too heavy handed in it's liberalism. But this made my day...
I appreciate and share Mark Levin's love and support of America's armed forces, but I spending 5-7 minutes of his radio show playing the anthems of each of her branches a bit tedious.
I hope this doesn't cause a suspension in my Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy membership.
Due to several recent Supreme Court decisions and the anticipated facepalm I'll be doing tomorrow, I've written a poem:
Fuck Shit Cocksucker
Motherfuck Cunt Whore Ass Twat
Dick Taint Cum Dumpster
I feel better now. Feel free to add more creative (and possibly less profane) poems in the comments.
For a related video (but no fanny packs) see here.
I was going to do a post about these cute girls in Utah protesting high gas prices because their parents can't afford cable but I realized it was an AP article so I have to sum it up in 5 words:
Pyper [...] and [...] Sadie [...] had [...] gas[...].
Loses something in the translation.
Oh wait, I just noticed the AP stole this story from the Salt Lake Tribune.
When a daily dose of Hannah Montana became impossible, the Vance sisters knew it was time to take to the streets.
Sadie, 9, and her sister Pyper, 7, marched around downtown Salt Lake City chanting, "Lower the gas prices," while carrying homemade signs. The sisters decided to protest after losing their favorite cable TV shows when their mother, Michelle, had to sacrifice cable TV to pay for her daily commute.
"Gas prices are too high," Sadie said. "I just decided to come and protest so they'd go down."
Now back to the AP fellating me.
I've always wondered something about the news business. Isn't news just something you heard from somewhere? So doesn't a news reporter just hear something and then tell someone else who then, in turn, tells somebody else? Sooner or later somebody writes it down and prints it out and then a bunch of other people read it and mention it to other people, right?
How the fuck do you get to copyright that? Can I charge when I let them know it is raining outside? That is to say, provide the information in a public format by stating loudly "it sure is raining out there" followed by a lengthy invoicing process to my coworkers? I guess I'd have to wear a t-shirt that said "© Moron Pundit 2008. All rights reserved." everywhere I went.
In this case, does the AP have to pay the SLT for the story? Did the SLT have to pay dude that called them to let them know this was happening? Did that guy have to pay the girls for doing it?
Seriously, somebody explain this as you would to a retard because I don't even see how the AP gets to charge at all.
June 24, 2008
What have I noticed immediately upon my return?
Obama has not abandoned Wisconsin. In fact, it appears that the two biggest advertisers on ABC (the only channel I get...) are Obama and McCain.
Well, they also have this fully retarded commercial by Moveon.org.
And they talk about shit being taken out of context. Buncha donkey cock suckers.
If any of you listened to The Dennis Miller Show this morning on the radio, I was definitely on there. It was on voicemail, so I didn't know until I heard it just now.
Also, I sound like a 'tard.
June 23, 2008
Above: A candidate who now believes the exact opposite of everything he voted for in Congress (aka Bob Barr).
Now, the spokesman for Cinco Balls Insurance...
I think we have a match!
June 21, 2008
June 20, 2008
Hello, everyone. As the least well-known of DPUD’s new cobloggers, I thought I might do a brief intro so you can get an idea of who I am. If you don’t care, feel free to skip this. But know that deep within my heart I will harbor an abiding grudge that will eventually consume you with the flames of my anger.
Or something like that. I’ll stick the rest of this below the fold to avoid taking up lots of space with my mewling.
June 19, 2008
[Fmr. Sen. Sam] Nunn brings the "integrity" word to the Obama campaign. Which oddly enough, is what he'd have to sacrifice to be a part of it.- Dave in Texas, over at the Moron-in-Chief's
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