July 30, 2009

Moron Pundit for President: Ass Fucker!

Miss me?  Miss my shenanigans*? 

I know you do, but there's a good reason I haven't been able to post that much (other than my employers) or that I'm working all the time.

No, I'm just so fucking pissed off about the current political climate that I'm at a loss for words.

What kind of fucking country do we live in where a legislator can make the factual statement that it is laughable to actually, I don't know, fucking read a bill before you vote on it.  Seriously?  The idea is laughable to our elite Washingtonian masters? 

The entire Constitution of the United States is 4400 words.  It is the oldest and shortest written Constitution of any major government in the world.  Part of the AWESOME, AWESOMENESS of our system of government is that is was not invasive, complicated or ambiguous. 

 It was premised on the idea that governments are evil.  Evil, but necessary.  Because of that they needed to have a few powers to function but all remaining powers were relegated to something that wasn't the Federal Government.  Something not covered in the man pages?  That's cool, it is assumed that the Feds cannot do whatever fucking thing that is because it wasn't mentioned. 

But now, we're writing multi-thousand page healthcare bills and everyone is arguing the merits of its details instead of what really matters.  No bill of any nature passed by our government should be longer than the Constitution or require the aid of a professional law-talking-guy(gal) to understand. 

This is fucking absurd.  Unfortunately, it has become SOP for government (see: Tax Code, TARP, etc, etc, ad nauseum) to produce incomprehensible legislation, allowing it to use any vagueness to destroy or coopt any freedom it finds irritating.  I'm fucking tired of it.

So, when I run for President in 2016, I'm going to support a new amendment to the Constitution.

It will read, in its entirety:

No piece of legislation enacted by Congress may surpass in length the Constitution of the United States and this legislation must be comprised of language simple enough to be understood by any person with a high school degree as defined by the mean reading comprehension of outgoing high school seniors. 

No more legalese.  No more Stephen King novels.  Just plain, simple laws that everyone can easily digest.  Then we can prevent/reverse this:

I see an innumerable crowd of like and equal men who revolve on themselves without repose, procuring the small and vulgar pleasures with which they fill their souls.

Over these is elevated an immense, tutelary power, which takes sole charge of assuring their enjoyment and of watching over their fate. It is absolute, attentive to detail, regular, provident, and gentle. It would resemble the paternal power if, like that power, it had as its object to prepare men for manhood, but it seeks, to the contrary, to keep them irrevocably fixed in childhood … it provides for their security, foresees and supplies their needs, guides them in their principal affairs…

The sovereign extends its arms about the society as a whole; it covers its surface with a network of petty regulations—complicated, minute, and uniform—through which even the most original minds and the most vigorous souls know not how to make their way… it does not break wills; it softens them, bends them, and directs them; rarely does it force one to act, but it constantly opposes itself to one’s acting on one’s own … it does not tyrannize, it gets in the way: it curtails, it enervates, it extinguishes, it stupefies, and finally reduces each nation to being nothing more than a herd of timid and industrious animals, of which the government is the shepherd.

Not bad for a French guy, eh? 

My detractors might ask, "but what if the law being created deals with complicated issues and requires a lot of detailed provisions?"

First, the Constitution deals with what may be the most complicated issue of the human condition: the formation and maintenance of government.  Second, if the provisions get complicated enough that 4400 words is too few, the Federal Government probably shouldn't be sticking their fucking nose into the problem in the first place. 

Because they're retarded. 

Ass Fuckers**.

* - My shenanigans are cheeky and fun. 

** - Ass Fucker.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:53 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 720 words, total size 5 kb.

1 as defined by the mean reading comprehension of outgoing high school seniors

Oh, that's gonna stick it to them.  As the liberals make our schools worse, the amount of complexity allowed in bills will diminish.  Pretty soon federal government will consist of nothing more than "We take your money!  You bend over and grab ankles!"

Posted by: Alice H at July 30, 2009 11:56 AM (qJHYy)

2 There's a method to my madness.  Can you imagine them going back to their constituents with that?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at July 30, 2009 11:57 AM (83gRI)

3 Holy shit. I didn't think that I would ever see another post in this series.

I agree with the idea of limiting the length of bills, but I really don't think 4,400 words is quite enough. The Constitution is a broad framework that defines what the government is allowed to do, by definition the specifics of the laws that they pass have to be more detailed than the Constitution.

I think 10,000 words would be a fair limit. That's about 16 pages double spaced, and even if it was the most dense legalese, you should be able to read through it and understand it in an hour. I think that if someone was serious about pushing this and it was put to the states to decide, it would have a serious potential to become an Amendment.

And I swear to god, I'm going to pistol-whip the next motherfucker who says 'shenanigans'.

Posted by: Jeff M at July 30, 2009 02:44 PM (iDq+K)

4 Shenanigans.

I like being pistol whipped.

Posted by: Veeshir at July 30, 2009 02:57 PM (U1ueX)

5 oooooooohhhh....

*holds out pistol*

Posted by: Moron Pundit at July 30, 2009 08:48 PM (GC5S2)

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