Looking for something?

If you're trying to find someone to perform a service, but can't exactly think of where they'd be listed in the phone book, I think I've found the site for you.

For example:

Ever feel like there's not enough nudity in the world? For $10 USD per month I will sit around my apartment naked as a blue-jay. Scratching extra as required.

Not your cup of tea? I can't blame you, especially since it was posted by some dude named Jared, who's apparently burned through his sandwich weight loss money. Well, how about this:

Hey, you have'nt [sic] done anything to me, and so far me and you have a blank emotional connection, but for the reasonable price of £100, I will become your sworn mortal enemy. This service will include verbal physical and mental abuse, matriachal [sic] insults, and attempts on your life, and will only stop when you choose and pay me a second £100 pounds. Some people need that kind of hatred before they can really shine, and if that person is you, then I am your man!! Love Josh

Josh, Josh, Josh. You would be a lot more convincing as a nemesis if you didn't sign your ad "Love Josh." Might I suggest the more menacing (and correctly punctuated) "Hatred, Josh" as a more appropriate sign-off?  You might also want to pick a more dangerous-sounding name than "Josh."  Might I suggest something like, say, Doctor Malice?  That's much more likely to attract the kind of person who needs an Arch Enemy.

Moving on, someone calling himself "tonyvortex" provides an intriguing-sounding service:

if you too would like a slightly amusing but scary drawing of yourself you are at the right place.for the low price of $5 once you submit any photo i will draw it from my own imagination.possible items that it would have include:balloons,bear bodies,ice cream cones,diet cola,odd stars,large overdrawn eyes,blood,and for an additional $2 any item you wish.

I think somebody needs to find a photo of our friend alexthechick and submit it to this guy with the simple instruction: "Clown." Where else are we gonna get that kind of hilarious trauma for only seven bucks?

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:29 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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