May 12, 2009
Just so you know, I have officially become stern, disapproving Moron Pundit, not silly, happy-go-lucky Moron Pundit.
Why?
Shut the fuck up, that's why.
Anyway, I hereby make the following list of demands backed by the threat of double face cocking you and your loved ones:
- Anquon Boldin will be given to the Bears without any pay and will like it. He will also change his name to Anthony.
- People will now exclusively refer to the budget deficit as "Barrack's AssCracker."
- alexthechick will immediately make with the girl on girl she's been 'threatening' for as long as I've fanta... known her. This making of the girl on girl will be done on a stage while a college marching band plays Stars and Stripes forever in front of an American-flag waving crowd.
- Plebian is not invited to this event because he is funnier than me and therefore has a better chance of getting into a flag-girl's pants.
- The Left is now required to watch and care about every beauty pageant from now until the end of Western Civilization (5:32 Eastern Today). They must also discuss the progressive, cultural significance of these events while watching 2girls1cup and flaggellating themselves with a Cat-O'-Nine-Obama-Pins.
- Labron James is henceforth banned from the practice of black magic. Nobody is that good.
- Dick Cheney shall replace Michael Steele as head of the RNC. alexthechick will assume the new position of Legs of the RNC. Auditions for Boobies of the RNC will be held shortly.
- Any Republican that would prefer Colin Powell to Rush Limbaugh is henceforth no longer a Republican but shall be classified as a Douchetool. I don't care if you like Rush. You just have to like Colin Powell less.
- Wanda Sykes is to have her kidneys removed and be left in a bathtub with a note.
- That note should simply state, "You are not funny."
- Leftists who call the Tea Party protesters racist should be forced to eat shit on television.
- Keith Olbermann should be forced to eat Jenean Garafalo on the White House lawn.
- Michael Moore should then be forced to eat Keith Olbermann making the liberal equivalent of a Turducken. Maybe a TardFucken or something.
That's all for now. Do my bidding.
Posted by: Moron Pundit at
04:18 PM
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Posted by: conservativeinthecity at May 12, 2009 04:29 PM (i3tSP)
Posted by: eddiebear at May 12, 2009 04:35 PM (wnU1W)
Huh. I'm getting flashbacks to spring break for some odd reason.
Posted by: alexthechick at May 12, 2009 06:15 PM (iss9x)
#10: done. Now what?
Posted by: Sobek at May 12, 2009 06:26 PM (UefZl)
Posted by: MCPO Airdale at May 12, 2009 11:16 PM (l51zO)
Posted by: ian cormac at May 13, 2009 07:54 AM (w7YpG)
Yeah, I'm that asshole.
Great post, but you forgot Bolton. We need his 'stache somewhere.
He needs to go back to the UN. If that doesn't happen, Voinovich won't cry and that's a crying shame.
And as for "boobs of the RNC", that place is full of them right now, don't we want to get rid of the boobs there and elsewhere in the (formerly)Grand Old Party?
Oh....you said boobies. Well that's different.
Nevermind.
Posted by: Veeshir at May 13, 2009 09:15 AM (ThMnZ)
#3 might be in the works too, sans alexthechick possibly.
But that's okay. I'm still not sure she's a chick.
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Posted by: Veeshir at May 13, 2009 12:04 PM (zXUuJ)
...you forgot Bolton. We need his 'stache somewhere. He needs to go back to the UN.No, first we need him as Secretary of State. To kick ass: “Burn Foggy Bottom to the foundations, sow the ground with salt, and ship the survivors to Talibanistan” sounds about right. (I assume he already has a list of names.)
Posted by: Old Grouch at May 13, 2009 01:29 PM (qbFAY)
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