Just so you know, I have officially become stern, disapproving Moron Pundit, not silly, happy-go-lucky Moron Pundit.

Why? 

Shut the fuck up, that's why. 

Anyway, I hereby make the following list of demands backed by the threat of double face cocking you and your loved ones:

1. Anquon Boldin will be given to the Bears without any pay and will like it.  He will also change his name to Anthony.
2. People will now exclusively refer to the budget deficit as "Barrack's AssCracker."
3. alexthechick will immediately make with the girl on girl she's been 'threatening' for as long as I've fanta...  known her.  This making of the girl on girl will be done on a stage while a college marching band plays Stars and Stripes forever in front of an American-flag waving crowd.
4. Plebian is not invited to this event because he is funnier than me and therefore has a better chance of getting into a flag-girl's pants.
5. The Left is now required to watch and care about every beauty pageant from now until the end of Western Civilization (5:32 Eastern Today).  They must also discuss the progressive, cultural significance of these events while watching 2girls1cup and flaggellating themselves with a Cat-O'-Nine-Obama-Pins.
6. Labron James is henceforth banned from the practice of black magic.  Nobody is that good.
7. Dick Cheney shall replace Michael Steele as head of the RNC.  alexthechick will assume the new position of Legs of the RNC.  Auditions for Boobies of the RNC will be held shortly.
8. Any Republican that would prefer Colin Powell to Rush Limbaugh is henceforth no longer a Republican but shall be classified as a Douchetool.  I don't care if you like Rush.  You just have to like Colin Powell less.
9. Wanda Sykes is to have her kidneys removed and be left in a bathtub with a note. 
10. That note should simply state, "You are not funny."
11. Leftists who call the Tea Party protesters racist should be forced to eat shit on television.
12. Keith Olbermann should be forced to eat Jenean Garafalo on the White House lawn.
13. Michael Moore should then be forced to eat Keith Olbermann making the liberal equivalent of a Turducken.  Maybe a TardFucken or something.

That's all for now.  Do my bidding.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 04:18 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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