At this point, I need a break. And these beauties will help me run faster, jump higher, kill thousands of ninjas, and have lustful romps with three women at one time.

I won't mention the name of these shoes, since they seem to attract the self aware spam bots, but they are endorsed by the fastest man on the planet, so they have to do the same for me, right?

Right?

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:38 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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I think that the pilot for my flight to Detroit may have been a Moron.  Why do I say this?  Well, that flight was about 2 hours late because, according to the pilot, they had to bring the plane up from Charlottesville where there was fourteen inches of global warming.  And, yes, the pilot called it global warming.

I lol'd.  I did.

Also, I think it's hilarious that the blizzard actually managed to miss me and I appear to be one of the few people on the East Coast who actually made their flights today.  Go Team Me!

Posted by: alexthechick at 11:13 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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A place for Alextopia.

Sure, sure, Japan claims it's all weeds and rock, but, c'mon.  We all know that Gojira is around there somewhere.

Plus it's Japan.  There's bound to be Mothra babes and some schoolgirls as well.

Posted by: alexthechick at 10:21 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Did anybody else know you could do this?

Sen. Tom Coburn has just demanded that the Senate clerk read the single-payer amendment offered by Sen. Bernie Sanders — and it’s 767 pages.

Typically, Senators offering amendments will ask for unanimous consent to avoid reading the entire meausure, but all it takes is one Senator to object to demand its reading, and Coburn objected to Sanders attempt to dispense with the reading of the amendment.

Oh, FUCK YES.  That just made my nipples hard.  It should become GOP SOP to do this to every fucking bill that enters the Senate until the end of fucking time.  Who cares if they do the same thing to our bills so long as it slows the inevitable death march into socialist oblivion these fuck-nuggets are planning.  Its not like we really need to pass any more laws, is it?  Why, I'm pretty sure that if congress NEVER FUCKING PASSED A LAW AGAIN I'd be just fucky ducky.

So yes.  Grind the gears of government to a halt.  Its a stupid, corrupt, over-powerful clusterfuck that is in need of a good ass whipping. 

Fuck man, think about it!  If I was elected senator I could introduce hundred thousand page bills and then demand to have them read!  It would be like a fillibuster on megacrack!

WIN!

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 05:20 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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It's like something out of Galactica '80 or Megaforce only, you know, good...

Real Life


MegafarceMegaforce

Posted by: chad98036 at 10:23 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Which one of you is this?

Posted by: alexthechick at 07:58 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Moronapalooza, here I come!  Nevada has legalized male prostitution!

(h/t)

Posted by: Alice H at 09:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I am posting this because I am OUTRAGED, OUTRAGED I tell you that the video surveillance hasn't leaked such horrors would occur around The Children.

I expect you Morons to respond with the shock and horror that this inspires.  Also, remember to pace yourselves.  Carpal tunnel is nothing to sneeze at.

Posted by: alexthechick at 11:16 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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And not that whiny (waves at Vinty), then fine. Bipartisianship below.



Follow the jump for more
more...

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:04 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Why do I like girls?



That's why.

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:54 PM | Comments (33) | Add Comment
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It's that he knows how to kick ass and win.  I saw this story of local HOA busybodies harassing the good Colonel because he had a flagpole in his yard, did you think that was gonna stop him?  Col. Barfoot has faced worse, much worse, we joke about HOAs busybodies being Nazis, well, Barfoot knows how to handle real Nazis. Barfoot is a well decorated veteran, one of those rare individuals who has earned the Medal of Honor (as if you had to ask, yeah he's got a Wiki), the Wiki has his MOH citation, but I like Mark Levin's reading of it, which I'm shamelessly borrowing from Hotair,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 02:27 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This.

Really, this is a concept with which I identify utterly. "Walker's house was constructed specifically to accommodate his massive library".  Oh what a glorious concept. 

Seriously, I would never ever ever ever ever leave if I had that. Ever. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a cigarette.

Posted by: alexthechick at 12:11 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Reason eighty bazillion and five to arm yourself when possible.

RESIDENT - "Oh crap he's coming around the front..."

911 -  "Is your front door locked?"

RESIDENT - "Yes ma'am but it's only got a lock on the handle."

911 - "Okay, do you have a place inside your house and lock yourself in a room?"

RESIDENT -  "Uh, not really."

911 - "He's trying to come through the front door."

RESIDENT - "i've got a big shotgun. I'm not going into a tiny bathroom..."

RESIDENT - "He's walking around the house trying to find a way in..."

RESIDENT - "Oh crap, he's at the back..."

911 - "Okay , (unintelligible) is advising that you can defend your property if you need to."

RESIDENT - "Alright he's at the garage."

911 - "He's at the garage? Is it attached to your house?"

RESIDENT - "Nope, he's at the patio door again."

911 - "I can hear him banging again."

RESIDENT - "I don't want to have to kill this man, but i'll kill him graveyard dead ma'am."

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:57 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Since our Illustrious Blog Owner appears to have lost his wee damn mind (what a pity in one so young) I give you a palate cleanser.

This combines our favorite things, hotassery, property damage, mockery of upper class British twits, riding crops and profanity. Good times. Good times.

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:48 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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In News Morons Can Use, I give you how to build a propane fueled metal forge.

Now, if all of you will give my business cards to your neighbors for when the inevitable ensues, I would appreciate it. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 03:52 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Thanks to a new technique developed by Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev, now you can get drunk without drinking.

Moskalev has created an "alcohol pill" using a method that transforms alcohol into a powder, which can then be packed into potent pills.

"We have developed a technology that allowed us to turn any liquid solution into powder," Professor Moskalev said.

source

The possibilities here are endless.  Honestly, it's kind of left me at a loss for words.

Posted by: Ember at 12:59 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Their marketing manager so deserves a raise.

Posted by: Alice H at 07:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Totally pwns that truther sack of shit Jesse Ventura,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:18 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I would like to state for the record that I did not buy this just for the boots.

Well.  Not *just*.

Posted by: alexthechick at 08:28 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Meredith Baxter just mad my day.

Thirteen years ago I had a short-term affair with somebody — a woman — who I just cared for tremendously as a person, was not really attracted to her, but the best way to describe it, [a romance] seemed like the next natural step in our relationship just because I cared about her a lot. Not once — it’s probably hard to imagine — but not once did it occur to me that I was a lesbian. Not once. I just thought, OK, I don’t think so, and went off and got married again for a short period of time. And a couple years after that, I entered my next foray into being with a woman, and the penny dropped at that point.

Posted by: eddiebear at 08:59 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 144 words, total size 1 kb.