December 15, 2009

Fantasy Football : SemiFinal Playoff Round

Are you ready for some football?

We're down to our last four teams after an interesting (and software-wise, bug-filled) fantasy season. 

We've got Hay Zeus's Holy Rollers at 13-1 (Holy Shit!) vs. My Bud Army Officer Ben's Sappers at 9-5.  When I look at the matchups I'm inclined to pick the Sappers but HZ has been kicking ass so reliably this season it almost seems like a stupid thing to do.

Then, we've got Moron Norm's Minnesota Vicodins at 9-5 vs Moron Joel's All Up In Your Face, also at 9-5.  I'm picking All Up In Your Face because I think the Titans are going to rock and roll Miami.

It is important to note that Alice H. is this years winner of the "Detroit Lions Award" for failing utterly at Fantasy Football.  She finished the season at a completely terrible 1-12.  Even after her husband spotted her 5 games without starting any players, he still wound up with 4 wins.  Story of the season.

Anyway, it'll be fun to finally crown DPUD's first Fantasy Football Champion.  We'll be doing this again next year but the way it is done will be changed significantly.  I also intend to run some Pick Em, Salary Cap and other games to spread it out.

Anyway, good luck everybody and thanks for playing you window-licking half-a-tards.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:51 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Man, it really must suck...

...having the most famous people in the world boosting your career, seeking your advice, and turning you into a superstar. Me, I might not gripe about something like that.

On the other hand, he really does have a valid point about how awful it must be to spend the rest of your professional career beset by filthy, drug-addled hippies. I bet that gets old pretty fast.

Posted by: Sean M. at 06:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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December 14, 2009

Because it's a light posting day

From my Para Ordnance CCW .45.

Posted by: Alice H at 08:40 PM | Comments (27) | Add Comment
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December 13, 2009

Attention law firms with television ads

The shot of the partners all looking down at books and papers like you're pretending to pore over legal briefs, notes and law books, and then looking up like "Oh, hello, I was just so busy poring over legal briefs, law books and notes, I just didn't notice you there *smile*."  Yeah, stop that.  Seriously.  That shit's way overused and corny as hell.

This is what happens when a guy who doesn't regularly watch TV watches TV. 

*turns TV off*

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Houston elects openly lesbian mayor

The LA Times calls her a conservative.  Please note, she's a Democrat, conservative in LA Timespeak means she's probably not a total commie.  Mostly I'm reading that she's somewhat fiscally responsible, which is admittedly unique amongst big city mayors.  We'll see if she maintains some fiscal sanity as mayor.  I'll note there was an effort to try and derail her campaign because she is a lesbian, but her opponent apparently rejected it and it doesn't sound like it was too effective, which is good.

I'm weak, forgive me,

I can't resist the low-hanging fruit, I am a moronblogger after all.

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December 12, 2009

I can haz Christmas?

The economy is hard, but standing on a corner begging for money these days is harder, in part because global warming has made it so damn cold.  So, when you don't have enough to get your kids some toys for Christmas, what do you do?  (If your answer was to humble yourself and ask for help from family and friends, you're wrong.  If your answer was to tighten your belt and hit a thrift store, you're wrong.  If your answer was to go to a reputable charity, tell them your woes, and ask for help - guess what!? - you're wrong.)  The newest and greatest way to get your kids what they want for Christmas when you're broke?  Beg for charity ... on the intertubes

"Our family is in need of some help this holiday.  With both parents out of work and back in school, our kids may not have a Christmas this year," writes Bridget Newberry, a 28-year-old mother of two from Lawrenceburg, Ky.  The photo on the listing shows Bridget and her husband, Alan Rice, with their two children.  "I will send you a hand-written thank you note for any donation, as long as you include your address & name.  Thank you and God bless you."

Another "item" for sale came from a poster who said she is a single mother of two.

"I am a single mom with a 9-year-old girl and a 4-year-old boy.  I work part time at a gas station and I don't get much for help.  I usually plan everything ahead but this year has not left me with many options.  My car broke down 4 weeks ago and the repairs are quite high," she writes.  The ad includes a picture of a humble decorated Christmas tree.  "Please contact me if you are willing to donate a present for my kids.  If you do not have time, I made a 'buy it now' in another auction for presents.  I would love to see them have a nice Christmas."

And still another from a man who's asking for help in Chico, Calif., under the listing: "Help make Christmas Possible for two Children." 

"Single dad raising two children.  Just spent all our money to get an apartment.  We are asking for a little help to make Christmas possible this year for my two children.  I don't work right now.  My son was born premature with chronic lung disease and requires 24/7 care.  We are asking for donations.  Anything is appreciated.  Thank you."

Aside from the totally obvious potential for this to be a big giant scam, it violates the eBay ToS, which state that you have to actually be selling something to participate in their auction site.  I know.  Weird, isn't it. 

I know this whole post is making me seem like a bitchy grinch (and, well, I kind of am), but for me, it's all about donating time and money to local charities with a track record of not screwing you, or to just donate to people you actually know who need your help.

Posted by: Ember at 09:40 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Christmas Present Win

It didn't have a note attached but I'm still pretty sure who to thank.


Posted by: Moron Pundit at 02:37 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Quote of the Day

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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December 11, 2009

Fun for the whole family!

Guess the movie by Nicolas Cage's hair!

Sadly, I knew nearly all of these, though, c'mon, 6 is a gimme.  Also, I really love 9, Steve Buscemi is all the awesome in that.   

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December 09, 2009

If I said this blog kills you, would you read it more often?

For any of you Morons out there who smoke cigarettes, it is officially time that we blame the Surgeon General and, by proxy, the government, for our nasty habit.  So, now, at least while I'm killing myself with a Parliament Light, I'll know in my smug little heart that it isn't my fault.  It's the fucking warning label!

A small study by psychologists from the United States, Switzerland and Germany showed that warnings unrelated to death, such as "smoking makes you unattractive" or "smoking brings you and the people around you severe damage," were more effective in changing smokers' attitudes toward their habit.

This was especially the case in people who smoked to boost their self-esteem, such as youth who took up the habit to impress or fit in with their peers and others who thought smoking increased their social value, the researchers said.

"In general, when smokers are faced with death-related anti-smoking messages on cigarette packs, they produce active coping attempts as reflected in their willingness to continue the risky smoking behavior," the study said.

"To succeed with anti-smoking messages on cigarette packs one has to take into account that considering their death may make people smoke."


The researchers said this finding can be explained by the fact that warnings such as "smoking makes you unattractive" may be particularly threatening to people who believe that smoking makes them feel valued by others or boosts their self-image.

If only the Surgeon General's warning told me that smoking makes me ugly.  I never would have started in the first place.

UPDATE: This time, with the source.  Whoops.

Posted by: Ember at 08:39 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Like anyone here showers...

No one here has any use for this.  Except as a suggestive (no, not that kind of suggestive, you fucking pervert) present.

Posted by: Alice H at 04:44 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Epic Snow Storm

Once again, Wisconsin (and apparently the entire midwest) is caught in the icy grip of Global Warming.  When I looked at the radar map last night the pattern was vast, at least the size of a major hurricane.

The Day After Tomorrow is clearly coming true.  Its time to make a run for the border.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:40 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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December 06, 2009

Cherry Dr. Pepper

If you've never tried it, go buy some, right now, it's a million times better than that Cherry Vanilla crap.  Dear God this stuff is awesome...

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 07:06 PM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
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Um, didn't he die a few years back?

Charles Bronson is apparently in prison. And, unsurprisingly, he's still an ornery motherfucker.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:37 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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December 05, 2009

Presented without context

We've been talking about Natalie Portman's Black Swan for a few weeks now, and it wasn't until like five minutes ago that we discovered the term "Black Swan" has nothing to do with her vagina.
Um, is that a euphemism that I hadn't heard of before or something? Because that's not where my mind immediately goes when I hear that title.

I mean, sure, it goes there eventually...

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:54 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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December 04, 2009

Taiwanese man wins World of Warcraft

A Taiwanese man has been named as the first player to 'finish' World of Warcraft.

'Little Gray', as his character's known, is the first to successfully complete all of the MMO's 986 achievements listed in the armory, reports MMO Champion.

To reach the milestone the Taiwanese power-player killed 390,895 creatures, accumulated 7,255,538,878 points of damage, completed 5,906 quests (that's 14.62 quests per day, apparently), raided 405 dungeons and hugged 11 players.

The achievement hasn't arrived without some controversy though; WoW-heads point out that technically he's still missing one illusive, event-tied achievement (called "BB King"), but he's managed to dodge it via a glitch awarding one extra, false achievement point.

We say he's not a man until he tracks down and gets that last achievement legitimately.


In completely unrelated news a 1000 pd Taiwanese man was admitted to the hopsital to have a chair which had fused into his butt surgically removed.

Posted by: chad98036 at 06:58 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Stupid question of the day

I've never been to a Tim Horton's, is it super fancy?

Fancy enough to host a wedding?

Even a wedding where a redneck sister-in-law is going to douse the bride in black paint, then flop out of her tube top while making a getaway?

Posted by: Alice H at 04:36 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Don't be evil

I'm certain none of you will abuse Google's offer to send a free postcard.

Only one per person, so please be sure the message is exactly what you want to send to the perfect recipient.

Posted by: Alice H at 02:09 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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It's Chinese

On the one hand, it may be the only good thing to come out of China in the last decade.

On the other hand, given that it's Chinese... could be radiation-emitting, giving the wearer breast cancer. could fail to stop inflating, creating deadly falsie-shrapnel. could fail to stop inflating, causing the wearer's breast to implode.

Posted by: Alice H at 11:44 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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December 03, 2009

space, stimulus, greentards, and fail!

As a zealous nerd, I love space news.  As a RACIST!!eleventy!, I hate Obama.  Every now and then, these two things collide into one gooey, sticky mass of fail.

With less than a year remaining to spend $1 billion in stimulus money that the U.S. Congress gave NASA in February as part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA), the space agency has spent roughly $570 million, with nearly half of those dollars going toward its embattled Constellation program.

So far, some $270 million in ARRA funding has gone to Constellation, a 5-year-old effort to build new spacecraft and rockets optimized for sending astronauts to the Moon. The administration of President Barack Obama is reconsidering those plans and looking at scenarios that would entail the cancellation of projects currently receiving stimulus funds, including the Ares I rocket.

The administration's argument is that we won't be able to have our own working shuttle until 2015 at the earliest, with a panel of his choice suggesting that even that target is impossible without another 3 billion in funding.  However, we've poured billions of dollars into the new program, and all ready essentially scrapped the shuttle system (it's due to end in 2010).  Hell, we're all ready planning on relying on Russia to get us into space for the next handful of years, while looking into some pretty cool private sector opportunities - which I, of course, totally think is the way to go.

The shuttle program has its flaws, which is why we're scrapping it.  However, when we've all ready poured billions of dollars into our new programs, like Ares I, and the experts suggest that it would only take 3 billion dollars to get NASA back on track (which, in Obama math, is, like, a shiny quarter), why should we start taking funds from NASA now?  Besides, with such amazing opportunities for the greentards to capitalize on as solar-arrays in space, you'd think we'd be jumping at the chance!

Posted by: Ember at 01:16 AM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
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