Finally: A good reason to become a sex offender

Free signs informing kids that there is no Halloween candy at your residence.

Luckily I live in a secure building. No brats getting in here.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 01:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Presented without context

"If I was painting it today, I'd have the donkey on top," she said.

Despite the bizarre atmosphere, viewers clearly had a deep interest in the November 4 election, which they think Obama has still not sewn up, despite his current advantage.

"Right now, Obama's ahead. But what are people going actually to do once they're in the polling booth?" said Eileen Sharaga, 58, resolutely attempting to ignore an explicit instructional video on masturbation.

"I'm anxious, extremely anxious," she said.

Well, Eileen, who could blame you? I'd be anxious about giving a reporter my name in a room full of donkey sex paintings and instructional jerkoff videos, too. Oh, wait...you're anxious about the erec—um, that is—election. Gotcha.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I sense a theme here

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Official Moron Pundit DoomMeter

• 11 - Obama wins, veto-proof majority in the Senate, all 50 state senates and houses go Democrat, Obamassianism named official state religion, Yellowstone Caldera erupts, hypercolor t-shirts make a comeback, Packers win GAMETHATSHALLNOTBENAMED, DPUD replaces me on the site with Obama Approved Fairness Blogger, etc., etc.
• 10 - Cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!
• 9 - How alexthechick feels every time she opens a comment thread for a post that mentioned spiders.
• 8 - How the Lions feel after establishing a 24 point lead.
• 7 - How the Lions feel before kickoff.
• 6 - Did I forget the baby at the Grand Canyon?
• 5 - Did I forget the baby at day care?
• 4 - Did I leave the stove on?
• 3 - Similar feeling to when the low fuel light turns on in my car.
• 2 - Feeling that someone I met once may break a nail shortly causing nearly no impact to anything anywhere.
• 1 - I anticipate unicorn-riding babes in bondage gear and awesome high-heels to come bearing money and fried chicken at any moment.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:38 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Moron Pundit Has Job, Will Travel

I'll be leaving the comfortable confines of the Midwest this week and travelling to the as-yet unexplored city of Savannah, GA.  I should have a pretty good amount of time to explore so any suggestions on that are greatly appreciated.

Also, as usual, I must remind you that McCain is doomed and we're all doomed and even doom is doomed.

Doomed.

more...

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:41 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Samantha Darko

They're making a sequel to Donnie Darko, centered around the youngest daughter in the film.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 10:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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This is the most disgusting commercial I've ever seen

I have a low disgust threshold.  See the commercial below the fold. 
more...

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 02:00 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Whew...Palin survives the Philly Flyers appearance

Someone in attendance emailed Ace. 

Now, who wants to bet that the media presents a very different picture?

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 06:58 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Looking For That Special Gift?

With the holidays fast approaching, I didn't want you morons to find yourself without some impressive gift-giving options.

For the special someone who is so difficult to buy for, I present you with these items available for two low payments of $5.99 each plus shipping & handling. Gift wrapping is extra.
more...

Posted by: conservativebelle at 06:47 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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As someone I the conservative base, I can vouch for this statement

Written under Ace's headline item about William F. Buckley's son endorsing Obama:

Quote: "Sarah Palin is an embarrassment, and a dangerous one at that..."

No matter which way this election goes, there's going to be bad blood between the conservative base and conservative commentators for some time.

Excuse me while I head over to The Corner to see how they try to defend Christopher Buckley. 

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:47 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I sense a disturbance in Moronia

I'm sensing that despair and ennui are enveloping Ye Olde Morons due to the election and the financial meltdown and running out of room to stock the canned goods and ammo for the Zombie Apocalypse.  I therefore have taken it upon myself to share with you the highlight of my day (which was not smacking my forehead on my desk from sneezing so hard).

I took the back way home and I counted 15 McCain/Palin lawn signs in a mile and a half stretch.  These were not there yesterday.  That made me happy. 

As was the fact that this



was parked next to me in the parking garage at work today.  It is within the realm of possibility that I made inappropriate noises.  Possibly. 

Posted by: alexthechick at 06:01 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Some handy quotes

Hawkins sends along a list of sayings from the Chairman.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:10 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I like her platform...thigh-high boots

It looks like on of our bloggers here at dpud is fed up with the way this election is going and has decided to jump into the fray as an independent candidate!

I'm guessing that her policy of having clowns shot by firing squad will really resonate with the electorate.

Update: My focus group of undecided voters (i.e. five drunk guys from an Applebee's located near a local community college) were impressed with her stance on bisexual chicks who reportedly enjoy teh buttsecks.  "Awesome, brah," was a representative comment.

Posted by: Sean M. at 01:11 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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What could possibly go wrong?

Posted by: Sean M. at 06:31 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Thanks, Ancestry.com!

Gov. Palin is related to both Princess Diana and FDR.

Posted by: It's Vintage, Duh at 12:24 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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Philadelphia Sports Phans Are The Phinest Around

Especially when it comes to throwing projectiles at the opposing teams that come in to take on their phine Phillies or Eagles. Just ask Washington Redskins Players after their game with the "Iggles" last Sunday.

"I'm talking about the middle of the bus, like, bammmm, like busted and everything," Kedric Golston said. "I ain't never been thrown eggs at. I mean, at Philly, they throw everything."

"My bus only got hit with one egg, but I had my headphones on listening to music, and it was like two windows back, and all you hear was thump," Mike Sellers said. "Everybody starts cracking up, it was like, 'Oh we got here, here it comes.'

"It must have been one of those big ones too, an ostrich egg," Golston said.

"It was crazy, though, because the egg was actually thrown in front of the bus," Kelly said. "It was like a quarterback almost; you throw it to where the receiver's gonna be at. I was very impressed."

"Very impressed," Thomas agreed. "If they ever had a replacement [team] in Philly, they'd have to get that dude for quarterback, because he hit that thing on point."

"You would think it would probably happen in Dallas

That's not the worst. The children and old ladies got into the act as well.

"We didn't get no eggs," Rock Cartwright said of his bus yesterday. "I just know we got flipped off. By everybody, kids and everything."

"You've got the six -year olds flipping you off, and the dad's patting them on the back," Rabach said.

"They give us the bird, we wave," Sellers said. "The universal greeting, I guess, for Philly."

"Grandma's mooning you," Jon Jansen said.

"Oh yeah, definitely," Rabach said.

"I've had some old ladies moon us, oh yeah," Jansen said.

"It's hard to tell from the backside, to tell you the truth," Rabach said.

"Oh, you can tell," Jansen said. "When it's an old lady, you can tell."

"Even all the fans after the game were flipping [us] off, and we had a couple guys that were gonna moon 'em," Cooley said on Elliot. "We were flipping 'em off back. Our windows are so tinted, I really don't think they can see us."

Posted by: eddiebear at 09:01 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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You might want to skip this one, alex

Do you hate hobos?  Do you hate spiders?  Well, then this is a species you can probably stand to see eradicated.

Or, wait...is it a spider that preys on hobos?  Because, technically, I guess that would make it an ally.  Quite the quandary, that.

Posted by: Sean M. at 02:31 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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There's a place for us (well, there was, anyway)

The city of Taft, CA had some...interesting beginnings:

According to a display at the West Kern Oil Museum, local residents asked the Southern Pacific Railroad if the station could be named Moro when the rails arrived about 1900. A railroad official, the story says, declined because the name would be too easily confused with the coastal town of Morro Bay. Instead, the railroad directed the station be called Moron. Pictures of local businesses, including the Moron Pharmacy, hang in the museum. After a fire burned much of the town during the 1920s, it was renamed Taft, in honor of the U.S. President of the same name.

Gee, why would they change it?

(Bear in mind that this is from a Wikipedia article, so take it with a grain of salt. I suppose this could've been written by someone with a grudge against Taft.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:21 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Real men of guidness

Posted by: Sean M. at 06:29 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Presented without context

"The number of 'fleeting' penises we expect to see on broadcast television is zero."

Fleeting or no, I'm with you there. I'm totally with you.

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:54 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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