A question frequently asked by our Beloved Alice H. and one with many solid answers:

• It is fucking cold.  FUCKING cold.  Not pretty garsh darned cold.  Not brisk.  Not chilly.  Not freezing.  WITCH TIT IN A BRASS BRA FUCKING COLD.  The high temperature today is -5.   With wind chill we won't go higher than -25.  If I could reach Al Gore, I'd share with him... share PAIN. 
  
  My work compensated us for risking our lives by leaving the house by letting us wear jeans.  Office Space has nothing on reality.
• The Mayor of Racine has been arrested at a mall for being a sick, deranged fuck.  Racine is like a shitty version of Kenosha which is like a shitty version of whatever lame suburb you live in.  His party affiliation was not mentioned.
• Milwaukee is about to enact a requirement (as voted on by the people) that every business of any size provide 9 paid sick days to every employee, even part time.  Now, even the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce is against it.  What is a socialist to do?  I'd try living in reality and realizing that businesses will move/close/not hire part time workers if this stands.  Of course, the people that most need part-time jobs are the poor but fuck them, I guess.  Who needs an economy? 

Update: I look over at Boots and Sabers and find two more ridiculous things wrong with Wisconsin.  WTF is going on?

That climate change one is especially nasty.  I can't wait for Wisconsin (a state that prides itself on being "progressive") to lead the charge into the abyss on Climate Change, Socialist Compensation Plans and duck slaughter.

What?  Duck slaughter isn't on the agenda?  What does Obama think Unicorn's eat anyway?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:36 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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Before I start let me make my disclaimer:
I AM A COMPLETE IMBECILE! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING OR WRITING! TAKING ME SRSLY OMG WHAT THE HELL>??!/!??

*ahem*

I have no idea if this guy hassling Alice has done this or not, but the MacBeth/Beauchamp/Winter Soldier crowd usually seems to possess the emotional trait to *ahem* inflate*ahem* the awards and medals they get. Keep an eye and ear out for his claims in that vein, especially if he appears with a suspicious level of bling and shininess on his Class A uniform.

Just a thought.

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:40 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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As we start the last week of a Republican President's term in office and await a Democrat White House, here are a few random thoughts for the road ahead.

While I oppose Obama and is plans, and relish the opportunity to fight them all the way, I still have difficulty rooting for failure just to win votes. Maybe I'm wrong, but that does seem disturbing. Yeah, I know the Kossacks and the media celebrated every soldier's death or every bad economic report for the last eight years because they believed it would help them, but I just am not wired in a way to celebrate the suffering of people just to win. Instead, we need candidates who can espouse our views, and are not afraid of the media and willing to take on the other arm of the Democrat Party. Nothing charges up the base more than a candidate taking on and slamming a reporter.

Sarah Palin better decide soon what she wants to do for 2010 and 2012. She looks to be facing a serious contender with loads of cash, and with the promise of the Kosacks to send him more, it could get interesting. Does she fight to keep he Governor's Mansion, or does she try to run for Lisa Murkowski's seat as another "f*ck you" to those who called her stupid.

In that vein, bloggers and opinion makers on our side who are defeatist, pessimistic, and desirous of defeat so as to help propel a book deal or a writing gig need to shut the hell up. The same goes for those who wish to defend said opinion makers. Certain folks, in their pomposity and arrogance, actually seemed happy to see Obama win, so as to set up their candidate in 2012, to throw a temper tantrum because their guy didn't get the VP nod, or because they just generally get aroused over getting their own side mad at their defeatism. Enough, I say! The moonbats have been unified since 2005, purging those who would veer off the path. If defeatism, and the defense and rationalization of such, is to be the new path of choice on the right, then go ahead and purge me. I can't stand a loser, and I sure as hell won't tolerate somebody who gets their jollies from it, or those who try to excuse and defend it because of deeds done four and five years ago.

I mayhave more later. I just wanted to vent.

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:29 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Back during the election, the media declared it their duty to "vet" Sarah Palin and Joe The Plumber (an ordinary citizen, by the way) by digging into every detail of their personal lives, going so far as to mock McCain for not digging himself.

Well, given Bill Richardson's departure from the Obama Cabinet, I have noticed a lack of curiosity on the part of The Deciders to dig into Richardon's dealings, and their unwillingness to ask the President-Elect about HIS vetting process.

Just a thought.

Posted by: eddiebear at 01:09 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I recently got into my annual debate with an ultra-liberal family member and therefore will be ranting to you on several topics I was too tired/rushed/drunk to flesh out during the debate. 

One issue we approached was the intrinsic disadvantage people of "victim classes" live under.  I think it works like this:

A person of a victim class looks at their life and says, "this shit is fucking hard and it never gets any easier."  Then, they look at their own efforts and do not find them lacking so they look to find the reason why.  History provides them with fodder for saying their difficulties in life are caused by racism/sexism/etcism.* 

Now, society and government buy into this grievance and attempt in good faith to alleviate it.  Things change and life disadvantages are removed but ... what the fuck?  Life is still hard!  The system must still be broken. 

The cycle repeats forever.

Why?  Well, as a blessed white male with no possible disadvantages in life** I am going to let everyone in on a little secret. 

Life is fucking hard.  All the time.  It never gets easier.  There is no point at which you have "succeeded" and can relax.  It is hard for rich people and poor people and beautiful people and ugly people and smart people and stupid people.  Always.  No matter what. 

Nothing the government has or ever will do can change that.  I know, sucks.  Tough shit. 

* - I'm not saying that these disadvantages do not exist or that they don't have significant effects on the ability of these groups to prosper.  I am merely saying that these disadvantages (particularly in modern America) pale in comparison to the default background difficulty level of life itself.

** - I could get into the specific and rather damaging disadvantages I was born with but nobody wants to hear about MP in that much detail.  Let's just say I had to overcome some chemical imbalances over time that set me back about a decade.  No big whoop.  I look at it as a learning experience.

Update: I like the term Etcism.  I'm claiming it.  If you use it you have to say, "Coined by the Illustrious Moron Pundit of DPUD" after each use.  It is decreed!

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 09:13 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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But the furor on the left over Obama tapping Rick Warren for the inaguration triggered a thought in my head (which means it will die of loneliness).

Does anybody really expect the Kossacks to sit out in 2010 or 2012 if/when Obama rolls them and doesn't push 111% of their zaniness?

Again, just a thought.

Posted by: eddiebear at 02:01 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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If this is happening nationwide, maybe we all could pitch in just a little more.

The Salvation Army said it may need to reduce some of its services despite increasing demand because of lack of donations in Denver.

Capt. Ron McKinney, city coordinator for The Salvation Army, said people are seeking services from the charity in numbers that haven't been seen in decades but donations are down 30 percent. Salvation Army officials said because of the decline in donations, 360 families seeking services were turned away last month.

Posted by: Alice H at 10:22 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The church is threatening to not only close hospital doors if the State tries to force them to offer services (abortion in particular) that are in direct violation of Catholic teaching, but to sit on the property so that it can't be used.  The church better be willing to pull that trigger, or the church will become a meaningless institution.  You can't lead the pro-life movement for that long, only to cave like that and expect to survive as an institution.  The health care system in the US would collapse without the church, so what would the Democrats do?  Do they seize the hospitals and expose themselves as the authoritarian thugs they are, or do they cave?  This is very high stakes game being played between the Catholic hierarchy and liberal leadership.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 12:35 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Once again, some "victim group" feels left out because they aren't allowed to participate in literally fucking everything so they sue and now another private organization is forced to change their behavior to cater to the minority.

Sickening.

Before you* call me a homophobe** let me point out that this has absolutely nothing to do with who is fucking who and absolutely everything to do with private fucking property.  This company was created by a man who doesn't support homosexual relationships and it should be his right to exclude whoever he wants from his service for any reason he can think of.  Yes, I include bigotry in this.  It is his property.  He should be able to do with it as he pleases.

So, what can we do?  I know what I'm going to do if I can figure it out. 

I want to sue every "exclusionary" organization in America that doesn't allow White, Christian, Heterosexual Men as members.  All I need is a competent, obnoxious lawyer and time. 

Let's see how these fascists like being forced to include everyone in America into their special clubs.

P.S. You have no idea how many times I had to delete the word "fucking" from this post.  If there is one thing that gets under my skin it is forcing people to do something they don't want with their own property.  Smoking bans, trans fats, even the ADA fucking make me shake with rage. 

I just wish more people would embrace the following statement the way they embrace being turbodouches:  LIFE ISN'T FAIR.  SUCK IT UP.

Update: You have got to be fucking kidding me.  We should start suing Muslim-owned stores and restaurants for not serving pork and alcohol.  Yeah... I have to step away from the blog.   Urge..to kill.... rising.

* - I don't mean you as in, regular readers.  I mean you as in the convenient liberal strawman I generally argue with.

** This term needs to be replaced immediately.  It is so absurd it makes me physically angry.  Even if a person doesn't like gay people,  it is retarded to imply that they are afraid of them.  This is the kind of 1984 newspeak that slowly paints anyone who has legitimate (to them, and there are plenty non-bigoted, defensible ones) gripes with homosexuality into a frightened homo-hater.  It pisses me off, I say.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 05:15 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Chill.  The Fuck.  Out.

You lost.  Sorry.  The people spoke and they didn't agree with you.  It sucks.  Trust us, we know.  We're about to have not only a President we don't like but a massive, unicorn-eyed cult of followers to contend with.

What you need to do is the same thing we're going to need to do.  Relax, regroup and retry.  Going into full-on psycho mode is only going to alienate you and your cause from the average voter.  Attacking minority and religious groups that are whole-sale against gay marriage isn't going to convince them you are right and it certainly isn't painting you as 'the victim' in this situation. 

What you need to do is preach freedom and convince these people that, while they are against it personally, they shouldn't be imposing their opinion legally.  You should try to find ways to prove that the homosexual community and lifestyle aren't hostile and damaging to religion.  It might be smart to attempt not being hostile and damaging to religion as a first step in this process.

In the end, I'm just a touch more on your side than on the "I completely don't give a shit at all" side so I hope you guys succeed.  But you need to succeed the same way movements have succeeded throughout American history.  By convincing your fellow Americans that you are correct. 

After all, what do Americans hate more than being told what to do?

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 12:44 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Like Malkin, I'm seeing a little too much, "What're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?"-type panicking.  Well,

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:18 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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...and that'll never fucking happen unless some wild demographic shift turns it into Wingnutifornia, but I'd also vote no on Prop 8.  I don't think laws restricting behavior or actions of citizens should be made on a constitutional level, not that Californians can't do this, but I think it's much better to limit constitutional changes to restricting what government can do. 

If the goal of Prop 8 was to make a change on the California constitution barring the judiciary from making gay marriage into law, I'd vote hell yes for that, then oppose any actual attempt to ban gay marriage legislatively or in referendum.

Priority number one for me is restricting government power, or at least maintaining our traditional roles of government.  Constitutions should be used to restrict government power and the judiciary shouldn't be creating laws, which in large part got us into this Prop 8 mess. 

Frankly, I think socialism and out of control government growth is what is damaging to families and tradition, not if Tom and Ted can get married.  I'd actually like to see all government sanctions on marriages be civil contracts or unions, it would head off this slapfight off at the pass.

Oh, and before it's asked, any effort by the state to force a church to acknowledge or officiate a marriage it doesn't want to should be crushed mercilessly.  We have a First Amendment for a reason, and there's a reason we try and maintain separation between church and state.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 10:23 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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Maybe, maybe not.

Read this and this in their entirety then come back and tell me where yours is.

Then go vote for McCain.  Seriously.  We can't let this happen.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:59 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Well folks, we're almost there and we'd have to be pretty optimistic people to assume a McCain victory at this point.  That means The One will be President and I think it is time to start getting the narrative together for after the election.

See, I feel very strongly that once Obama is president he should be given a fair chance.  The exact fair chance that the left and media gave Bush for the last eight years.  I'd like to attempt to replicate that wonderful treatment every minute of every day for as long as the Messiah is leader of the free world.

So, the first thing we need is a narrative on Obama's win in the election.  Here are a few handy lines you can use in every fucking conversation about Obama that you have with anyone for the next several years.  Remember, only perpetual, annoying repetition can truly replicate the glorious fun it was to have liberals around during the Bush Administration.

Obama Stole the Election

Of course, under normal circumstances it would be impossible to predict such an action before the election is complete but I'm sure we can always use ACORN and illegal voters to justify asserting this no matter what evidence may come out to the contrary.  Remember, even after the New York Times certified the Bush victory in Florida, libtards still continued to call him illegitimate to this very day. 

The key to using this gem is to repeat it every time any Obama fan even mentions his name.  It need not be germaine to the conversation.  If you are disagreeing about his response to an international disaster and your opponent makes a good point you have no counter to, just remind him that Obama shouldn't be making these decisions anyway.  You'll have them pulling out their hair in no time!

Obama Bought The Election

After raising the most money ever in a Presidential election, it is clear that Obama would have lost by a large margin were it not for his massive war chest.  The liberal may counter by suggesting that his massive draw was a consequence of his popularity with the common man and had nothing to do with corporate domination of the political system.

Then you simply state that vast chunks of his money came from corporations (as much as any corporation can give to any candidate which is none), that he violated his agreement to use public financing, and that in any event, the majority of his online donations came directly from Osama Bin Ladin (this is factually true barring Obama disproving it according to the Sullivan Standard of Evidence Truthiness).  So really, you can easily claim that Osama Bin Ladin bought the election for him. 

Think how much fun saying that to an Obama cultist would be?  You get to do it for FOUR YEARS!

Obama Is in the Pockets of Big Business

Now, we can't assert he is in the pocket of Big Oil as easily as they did with Bush so it is important to associate him with other large, corrupt energy industries like the Agrifuel Industry.  I mean, he's got one of those douchebags on his staff!  Also, associating him with SubPrime lending corporations is key.  He loves those guys and they always have given him the reacharound.

Obama Is Hitler

Background checks on people asking innocent questions? Check.  A lack of any credible contrarian media?  Check.  Complete control over all branches of government?  Check.  Rabid, cultist followers that will use every avenue to silence critics?  Check.  Just keep repeating it until it becomes true.

Whenever any law passes, make sure to go on and on and on about how you we will all be in reeducation camps in the next few months.  Make it clear that you would say more but are afraid they are listening to you and don't want to be disappeared.  If they ask who "they" are, just look around for a few moments and then lean in whispering, "the VLWC."

Obama Doesn't Care About White People

It is critical that every time a disaster of any magnitude effects White People, this be brought out.  Tornado hits a trailer park in Kansas?  Where was Obama?  Make sure to attach pictures of Obama reading books to kids or talking to rich friends during the crisis to magnify the effect that he doesn't give a shit about the disaster and hates white people.  When he counters that he is half-white and his family is mostly white, just respond that "I hear your refer to yourself as the first black president, not the 44th white one."

It is often helpful after that to call his supporter racist.

Update: In case I wasn't clear yesterday, I quote Classical Values:

Everybody vote. 

Don't give it to him.  Make him steal it.

* - I'm only about 47% serious here.  The last thing we want to do is become the retards we've been combatting for the last eight years but I am 100% serious about giving Obama as much support and leeway as the left gave Bush for the last two terms.  Fuck him and his cult.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:33 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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To whichever douchetool it may concern:

It seems that I am no longer allowed to host pictures of assholes with crude cocks drawn on their faces. 

Pictures like this:

David Axelrod wants to cram your children. 

Well, I'd just like you to know how I feel about that and since I'm not very good at writing, I've provided the following graphical representation.

Die in a fire,
Moron Pundit

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:12 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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As a concerned, liberal, Marxist, race-baiting douchetool I'm concerned. 

Very concerned.

I'm concerned about David Axelrod's cramming problem.

Sure, it started innocently enough, sticking pens and Barrack Obama dildos up his ass but over time his little bit of fun seems to have gotten out of control. 

Even he's not sure when the small objects lost their appeal but within months he had graduated to the knob-ends of baseball bats and Pringles cans. 

The spiral only accelerated from there.  In 2007 he was arrested over 40 times in one month for cramming fire hydrants, officers often expressing disbelief in their reports.   Their shock should not come as a surprise.  The depths of a cramming addiction are hard to comprehend. 

So why is this important?  Why does this make me concerned? 

Because David "Ass of Holding" Axelrod is a chief strategist for Barrack Obama's 2008 presidential campaign.  If Obama is elected, Axelrod's access to the highest echelons of global power will have a devestating effect.  Think of the damage done to a child's innocence when he goes on a field trip in our nation's capital only to see Axelrod rubber-gloving the Washington Monument? 

We should all be concerned.

It is well known that David Axelrod loves to cram. 

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 03:03 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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And the official Moron Pundit DoomMeterâ„¢ is at 11.

Look, am I the only one that's honestly, deeply concerned here?  We're about to elect the Communist Manchurian Candidate and not only will he have a $2,000,000 dollar party* in Chicago to celebrate but we will see perhaps the largest global celebration in history.

Really?

Part of me wants to relax and say, "this is politics in action.  The movement of party and power is a pendulum and will swing widely in arcs, eventually to return to balance and sanity."

I'd love to believe that but I'm starting to doubt it.  No matter how much people want to spin these polls to show that we're in it, we're starting to sound like Lefttards.  The polls are not close.    Now, I'm sure it'll be closer on Tuesday than that but the electoral count is going to be devestating.  The only hope is that McCain pulls out a win in California (something I believe is actually possible with the demographics but still a very long shot). 

Its time to get ready for what is about to happen.

After Tuesday, Barack Obama will be the least experienced, most extreme president ever elected in American history.  His associations are suspect and his true beliefs are a mystery even to people close to him.

After Tuesday, it is likely that Democrats will have 48 - 50 seats in the U.S. Senate with 2 Independents, leaving the Republicans with not enough votes to filibuster even if they could get all of the RINO's to play nice. 

After Tuesday, the Democrats will have nearly a 100 seat advantage in the House of Representatives.  This isn't any worse than a 1 seat advantage in terms of legislative power but is devestating when the difficulty of beating incumbents* is included.  It could take decades for the Republicans to beat that back assuming the left doesn't permanently change the rules (immigration reform, voting laws, etc.) and eliminate the competition outright.

After Tuesday, millions of angry, extreme leftists are going to feel more justified than ever in 'exacting revenge' on the WingNuts by breaking windows, defacing cars, looking into your private records, and any other fascist method of silencing the competition.

After Tuesday, even though the most powerful man in the world is a (half) black man, the level of society-required white guilt will increase dramatically.  It will generally be assumed by the powers that be that you are racist if you oppose policies put forth by The One and his cultists will agree.

After Tuesday, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will sign the blank check for Obama to do literally whatever he wants.  With a relatively friendly court and an enormous legal team (the DOJ, natch) in their corner, there will no longer be any way to prevent any law they suggest from becoming law. 

Most importantly, after Tuesday the most terrifying cult of personality in American history will seize the reigns of power and the entire world will drink the koolaid**.  A group of people that have repeatedly demonstrated their willingness to use any means necessary to protect their messiah and destroy the lives and reputations of their enemies will take complete and unopposed control of the most power nation on Earth.

I'd like to think this is just another swing of the pendulum.

It's not.  We're so very, very, very fucked.

All hope is not lost.  We have one chance.  We have to all, every one of us vote.  We have to get everyone that is on our side to vote.  We have to hope that the good poll numbers have lured the cultists into a false sense of security.  We have to hope they drop the ball so we can pick it up and shove it up their asses.

Then, after we win, we get to deal with the riots. 

UPDATE:  Don't Give It To Him.  Make Him Steal It.

INSPIRATION

* - After making a big fuss that the RNC bought Palin a paltry $150,000 in new clothes for the campaign.  Only in a campaign this fucked up could the media cast negative aspersions for the purchase of clothes when their opponent has spent nearly half a billion dollars on greek columns and half-hour infomercials.  It would be funny if it wasn't so fucking ridiculously depressing.

** - A couple of countries won't, of course.  The Axis of DoucheBags, the Soviets and China will gladly accept him as U.S. President and begin their long-term plans to use him to weaken the United States.  Europe will gladly help because they're a bunch of jealous twats.  Unfortunately, without the world's economic engine, we're in for a very sad future indeed.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:36 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Seeing as how she's apparently had a talking to from her Democrat superiors, my balls want nothing to do with this column. Nothing at all.

Previously on doubleplusundead...

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:09 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Obama definitely deserves to be investigated and probably deserves to go to jail. 

Just one problem.  Who is going to send him there?  Really.  Think about it.  Over and over the Republicans in general and the Bush Administration in particular have opted not to pursue legal action against Democrats even though there have been numerous legitimate opportunities.  Their excuse seems to be, "its not worth the trouble."  Its not worth the public backlash and protests and frothing leftist outrage to, I don't know, follow the rules.

Well, I think the Democrats noticed how gunshy the Republicans are after the Clinton investigations backfired because now they aren't even trying to hide it anymore.  They just openly violate the law with explicit media support and nobody calls them on it.

Honestly, are you telling me that, were McCain to have taken $5,000,000 in donations from bogus addresses and names he wouldn't have been murdered by the media and subsequently the FEC?  Obama won't even get fined.

We are about to watch Obama steal this election and nobody is going to call him on it in the interest of keeping the waters calm and the atmosphere friendly.

Fuck that.  Its time to draw the line in the sand.  We can't let the reward for massive, coordinated voter and fundraising fraud be a trip to the white house. 

The million dollar question is:  How do we stop them when our leaders aren't brave enough to press charges? 

Update: I realize I'm not articulating this idea very well so maybe some of the more intelligent out there can put it better.  The idea is that the left is now aware that they can simply break the laws and in an attempt to prevent strife, the right has decided to simply not prosecute even though these violations are becoming EGREGIOUS. 

I think they are afraid that if they crush Obama's election because he's habitually breaking the law they'll be called election stealers and racists even more than they already are.  Is this making sense to anyone because even when I read it, its missing something.

Update 2:  Below the fold...

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 01:50 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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I want to dip my balls in this column.  Well, I mean, I would want to dip my balls in it, but I read it online, and you can't really dip your balls in the internets.  And if I'd read it in an actual copy of the Post, well, there could have been paper cut issues.  But you get the idea.  Good column.  Read the whole thing.

(Via Patterico, who's apparently got some domain issues right now.)

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:02 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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