September 25, 2008

Yet Another Attack On Bacon Owners' Rights

Twenty eight high school seniors in the town of Middletown, CT decided to have an early morning cookout before class. Predictably, the fools running the school district suspended the heroic youths for trying to expand their culinary skills.

And the worst part? Bacon was abused.

They joked about the incident and admitted disappointment they had not gotten around to cooking eggs before the powers that be put an end to the merrymaking - a birthday celebration for Mike Aronne, one of the teens involved.

According to grill-owner Kyle Sheehan, most of the seniors had late arrival and were not expected in school until 9:30, so they met in the lot at around 8:30, set up the grill and chilled, as the aroma of bacon wafted through the morning air.

"We didn't have beer, we didn't have weed, we had bacon," said Eddie Mangini, who along with the others did not anticipate the two-day suspension.

The students asserted the gathering was quiet and at least a football field away from the school, so could not have been a disruption to underclassmen endeavoring to learn.

None of the students expected to get in trouble, they said.
"The reason why we didn't expect it was because it wasn't really even a party, we were just in a small group outside," Kyle said. "A small group talking, not being loud, not being dangerous ... We were just cooking bacon."
Furthermore, students insisted outdoor barbecues are a normal end-of-year, on-campus activity among graduating seniors and said the only difference was this was done at the beginning of the year.

"They do it almost every year," Kyle said. "In past years teachers have been involved ... They would come out and get a piece of bacon and go back in and nobody got in any trouble."

Parents were equally mystified.

"Even the principal said they did it before," Anthony Hinton said. "They were cooking eggs and bacon. We don't know the policy that was broken ... [Kris] did not know that there's a policy against cooking in the parking lot."

This assault on fine, processed pork products must not stand!

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