April 29, 2009

Oh, give me a break, People

Okay, this shit is really, really getting on my nerves:

Michelle Obama leads a group of famous White House faces that have landed on the pages of People’s list of the 100 most beautiful.

The first lady joins White House social secretary Desiree Rogers, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, White House chef Sam Kass and chief of staff Rahm Emanuel in a section called “Barack’s Beauties.” Actress and recent cancer survivor Christina Applegate made the cover.
Okay, I don't deny that some people find Michelle Obama attractive. She is, after all, a very...um...striking woman. I have no idea what Rogers or Kass look like, but Geithner looks like a fucking dork and there are ghouls that look good next to Emanuel.

We get it. You guys in the magazine business are fairly liberal. You also want to sell copies of your magazine and, more importantly, advertising. And Obama is popular right now, so you naturally want to capitalize on that. But don't serve us a big, steaming turd and expect us to pretend that it's delicious ice cream, m'kay?

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April 28, 2009

We get it, already

Yeah, yeah, you're an atheist. You've managed to make that pretty clear. Now, why don't you shut the fuck up about that fact for at least a couple of days?  M'kay?

Posted by: Sean M. at 10:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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April 26, 2009

This is why I can't stand Apple

My best friend is a Mac guy.  He has an iPhone, and it seems like a decent device, but the "apps" are getting ridiculous.  The dumbass in the following video was on the local Fox news broadcast the other night, wearing his stupid white top hat:

It's become a toy for hipster doofuses now.  I don't need that.  I don't need any of the stupid shit that you can do with some trendy little trinket that you shelled out hundreds of dollars for just so you can look cool.  And I'm certainly not gonna line up at the Apple Store every time they release some new product.  Fuck that

I've mentioned this before, but do you know what my cell phone does?  It allows me to make phone calls.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:56 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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April 25, 2009

Mexican swine flu spreading, Madagascar closes ports

Ruh-roh.  Let's hope this ends up being avian flu 2.0 and just fizzles.

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Cashing in

I get it. Barack Obama is popular—for now, at least. And you'd like to make a buck or two off of that. But I'm getting sick and tired of this kind of thing, which I've been seeing from several companies as of late...

Did you stop and think that maybe you might be alienating just a few customers by doing this? I mean, it's not as if you're being exactly subtle about what you're doing. People (around 48% of them) might notice.

And if anybody else can remember a new President being shamelessly marketed like this within out lifetime, well, I can't think of a way to end that sentence, really.

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April 24, 2009

George W. Bush's greatest sin

No, it wasn't that he was teh stoopid or that he was a fascist. It turns out that the problem with Bush—and every other President we've ever had, it seems—was that unlike Obama, he was a square:

During his first 100 days as president of the United States, Barack Obama revealed how different he is from all the white men who preceded him in the Oval Office, and the differences run deeper — in substance and style — than the color of his skin.

Barack Hussein Obama is the nation’s first hip president.

This, of course, is subject to debate. But watch him walk. Listen to him talk. See the body language, the expressions, the clothes. He’s got attitude, rhythm, a sense of humor, contemporary tastes.
And that's just what we need most of all in a time of crisis. A guy who won't make the kids roll their eyes when they're seen with him out in public. Yeah.

I mean, according to Politico's Sam Fulwood III, he just can't help but be a hepcat. Check out the next paragraph, Daddy-O (with my emphasis):
This much is clear: Whether dealing with the Wall Street mess, shifting troops from Iraq to Afghanistan or fumbling to fill his Cabinet, Obama leans heavily on personal panache to push political policies. Truth be told, his style is rooted in something elusive and hard to define. Pure and simple, it’s hip.
That's right, even when he's fucking up by nominating a bunch of tax cheats to Cabinet-level positions, he's just so goddamn cool.

That may well be the first time the word "fumbling" has been associated with someone being "hip," by the way. But then again, Barack is an inspirational man of many firsts.

If you don't mind throwing up a little in your mouth, read the whole gushing, fawning thing, which includes the obligatory references to Michelle as "obviously cool" for setting trends like (I shit you not) "Tending her own garden!" This kind of toadying would be really depressing if it wasn't quite so funny. (Or is that the other way around?)

Update: The hipness, it just, just...radiates from him. DO NOT CLICK BELOW, lest you are prepared for Obama's sheer coolness to freeze your retinas solid!!!


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April 23, 2009

Paging Samuel L Jackson...

Well, it may not be snakes, but it's just as creepy.

"It was a bit fraught ... Two of them broke their head-ropes and began thrashing around. The plane was shaking. The pilot was turning and raising his eyebrows.

"We gave them a muscle relaxant to calm them down. But they're big animals - when they do move, there's an impact. There's a lot of power there."

The crocodiles eventually calmed down, and the flight landed at Whenuapai Airbase about midnight on Tuesday.

The Air Force Hercules was used to fly the crocs as it was the only available plane with enough room and it was returning to New Zealand from Asia, via Darwin.

Butterfly Creek, which is at Auckland Airport, was not charged for the flight, but Mr Dowsett hopes to host Air Force staff for a meal to thank them for their help.

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April 22, 2009

There's nothing funny about Obama

Anybody remember whitehouse.org?  Yeah, me neither.  Anyway, it was a "parody" of the White House website (if  you click on the link, you'll understand the scare quotes) that I'd seen a few times over the past few years.  Anyway, I was curious to see what they were up to these days, and to my surprise, they seem to have stopped posting stuff sometime between January 19th and January 21st.

Didn't see that coming...

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April 21, 2009

Perez Hilton is a Misogynist Douchebag

*** Welcome AoS morons ***

There. I said it. I don't care that he's openly gay, NTTIAWWT. I sort of expect Perez Hilton to have some "ew, ick, it's a girl with boobies" hang-up. But that has NOTHING to do with his vulgar and sexist remarks directed towards a beauty pageant contestant.

Apparently after the flap about his lame question, his faux disgust at her response (which ultimately led him to call her a "dumb bitch"), the only remorse Perez Hilton felt was that he didn't call her "the 'c' word." Watch the video to the very end.

Please note the reaction of the female MSNBC anchor after he laughed at his own suggestion. I doubt she thought it was as comical and cute as the gynophobic Perez did. I know his childish remarks sent me through the roof.

I hope the Miss USA Pageant organizers see this video clip and make sure that he is never invited to be a judge again.

p.s. - I'm sure glad Hilton cleared up that there is a difference between running for POTUS and running for Miss USA. Otherwise people might have been a bit confused. /eye roll

UPDATE: A. Weasel shares this video of Hilton saying how Miss California should have answered the question to HIS liking. And another judge says basically it is better to give a fluff answer than an honest answer. Miss California says "no thanks" to their advice. Good for her.

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April 19, 2009


I really, really, really wish we lived in a reality where I saw the headline "Axelrod: Words And Handshakes 'Not Enough'" and didn't automatically think that he meant Obama should have done more to kiss Hugo Chavez's ass.

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April 15, 2009


I've never been a fan of reality shows.  Frankly, I didn't think I could have a lower opinion of them, but if they allow this douchebag to become a contestant, that's rock bottom right there.

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April 13, 2009

I'm sure the Norks are quaking in their boots

So, today, the UN Security Council finally got around to issuing a statement condemning last week's North Korean missile launch.  Politico calls it US Ambassador Susan Rice's "first victory."  Way to set a low bar there, guys.

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April 08, 2009

Breaking news!

According to the headline of this article, the public is awaiting a news bulletin with "bated breath." What could this momentous story possibly be?

A White House dog announcement is imminent.

The Obama girls are getting a male Portuguese water dog puppy, according to hints dropped by Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin during a radio interview in Chicago.
Yeah, well, I never said the public wasn't stupid.

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April 07, 2009

An Assault Weapon So Gay, Even Andrew Sullivan Tells It To Man Up

I mean, seriously, a fish?

Richard Hughes Corley, 39, was arrested and charged with a felony count of throwing a missile into a vehicle and a misdemeanor count of battery after the late Saturday incident in Fort Pierce, TCPalm.com reported Monday.

The alleged victim and two witnesses told police Corley was fishing with a large group on the North Bridge and had asked the man to move his boat.

The man, who refused to move his vehicle, claims he overheard Corley say: "I will make him move his boat."

Corley then allegedly threw a fish that appeared to have been cut in half and it struck the man in the head before falling to the deck of his boat.

Witnesses said Corley used his fishing line to reel the fish back out of the boat. A police report said Corley admitted to officers that he had thrown the fish.

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See you in the unfunny papers

Yeah, it's not like this is going to be incredibly stupid or anything:

A Chicago-based comic book publisher's latest offering recasts U.S. President Barack Obama as "Barack the Barbarian," president of Kickassistan.

Devil's Due Publishing announced "Barack the Barbarian: Quest for the Treasure of Stimuli," which is scheduled to hit the shelves in June, will also feature fictionalized versions of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and former President George W. Bush, the New York Post reported Monday.

"Join Barack, Sorceress Hilaria, her demigod trickster husband, Biil, Overlord Boosh and Chainknee of the Elephant Kingdom," the publisher's promo for the series states.

Tellingly, Barack the Barbarian's nemesis isn't an elderly wizard named "Mack Kaine" or something like that, but is instead a certain woman wearing glasses and a wolfskin cape, which suggests that even the idiots who write stupid, gimmicky comic books like this know a little more about the nature of politics than the GOP primary voters that forced a RINO down our throats last year. Yeah.

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April 06, 2009

Rush Limbaugh has farty pants

That's the overall message that one gets from the four liberals the LAT sampled for a response to Andrew Klavan's "Rush Limbaugh Challenge."

Oh, and "Civil Rights Attorney" Constance L. Rice has listened to Rush, and she thinks you're stupid:

As yet another liberal, long-time listener, I've formed many opinions about Rush Limbaugh. He is a brilliant circus barker, the perfect cipher for cynics, a masterful agitator of paranoia and a beguiling oracle for the low-information cohort.
I don't listen to Rush very often, and I guess that makes me a "smart" conservative, huh? But if you happen to listen to him, you're nothing less than the victim of today's political P.T. Barnum, right?

By the way, welcome to the "low-information cohort." You must be reading this somehow via newsprint. I didn't know that was possible.

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April 03, 2009

I Knew Philly Loved It's Sandwiches, But This Is A Bit Much

I guess she should have gone "Wiz Wit".

The reason for the assault, cops say, was a poorly made meatball sandwich. Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong, which infuriated Toppin. "That was the catalyst," police Superintendent Michael Chitwood said.

The 44-year-old woman, whom cops did not identify, was preparing dinner last week in her Kingston Road home when Toppin "became enraged due to the victim not placing cheese on his hoagie roll correctly," according to the arrest affidavit.

Toppin grabbed a knife from the other room and slashed her finger, causing a deep laceration, she told police at Delaware County Memorial Hospital, where she received 23 stitches to close the gash.

Also, instead of chomping on the meatball sub that she'd made him, Toppin wrapped his teeth around his girlfriend's left wrist and refused to let go, the criminal complaint says.

"Toppin bit down on the victim's arm and would not release his bite," Upper Darby Investigator Matthew Rowles wrote in his report. The bite left swelling and teeth marks.

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April 01, 2009


...once Obama got elected and we got rid of the mean, narrow-minded cowboy Booooooosh, everyone was supposed to be Best Friends Forever with us again, right? Yeah, maybe not.

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If you don't want to eat meat, please go ahead and keep it to yourself

So, some minor league baseball team in Michigan is selling a four-pound burger with five patties, five slices of cheese, chili, salsa and chips on a huge bun, and some group of vegan killjoys wants to ruin it for the rest of us:

Susan Levin, a staff dietitian for the Washington-based Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, sent a letter to the Grand Rapids minor-league team on Tuesday. She's asking that the 4,800-calorie burger be labeled a "dietary disaster" that increases the risk of cancer andheart disease.
Hey, Susan, I don't come down to where you work and claim that your tofu burger with sprouts and cracked oats and organically-grown mung beans should be labeled an "awesomeness disaster," that increases the risk of being a know-it-all asshole, so why don't you just go straight to hell?

Seriously, though, this burger isn't good for me? I never would have known on my own without your warning, Susan. Thanks for your help.

Fuck you.

Posted by: Sean M. at 03:03 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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