August 22, 2008
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants to buy SeaWorld. One guess what the group wants to do with the popular theme park.
The animal rights advocates said they have a donor willing to put up the bucks to buy at least one of the three SeaWorld parks – in Orlando, San Antonio or, of course, San Diego – put the animals in marine sanctuaries and perhaps return some to the wild one day.
The group wouldn't close the joint. Instead, it would replace the killer whales, dolphins, stingrays and other animals with virtual reality exhibits.
Riiiiight. Because the public wouldn't stay away from something that incredibly stupid and shitty in droves.
PETA is known for staging publicity stunts, including one in Ocean Beach last year where half-naked people put fish hooks in their mouths to protest game fishing, but it swears this is no hoax. Still, the group won't identify the donor.
“He chooses to remain anonymous,” said Lisa Wathne, a PETA spokeswoman.
Can you blame him? I certainly wouldn't want my name associated with the asshats who compared the poultry industry to the Holocaust and waste their time on jagoff projects like trying to get a town to change its name from Hamburg to Veggieburg.
And as for the animals themselves? Why, they'd finally be free to frolic in the open water, happy as, uh, clams, right? Right?
At least one marine mammal expert, Lee Kellar of the Alaska SeaLife Center, said releasing marine mammals back into the wild is “a very difficult transition” for the animals.
Even a marine sanctuary wouldn't be much of a benefit, he said, because the animals would still need the care of humans. “It would cause a lot of pain and suffering for the animals,” Kellar said.
Oh. Well, I guess it's the thought that counts.
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