Anybody Up For Some Gator Rasslin'

Just go to Florida.

The contest is part of the first annual Seminole Okalee Indian Festival, an art, music and culture fair showcasing the replica of an authentic Seminole village tucked snugly behind an outdoor mall and the casino parking lot.

The rules of competitive deep-water gator-wrestling are simple and few. ''I don't want to see no hitting the alligator, no jabbing the alligator,'' said veteran wrestler Paul Simmons, now a maintenance foreman for the Seminole Tribe but serving as a judge. ``Don't disrespect the alligator.''

If a man bled all over the place, he could be disqualified at the judges' discretion; if it was just a nick, man-flesh snagged on gator-tooth, they'd probably let it go.

Every man signed a waiver acknowledging that ALLIGATOR WRESTLING IS VERY DANGEROUS and involves the risk of serious injury and/or death and/or property damage.

Gators were drawn at random, with judges rating performances on showmanship, originality, difficulty and variety of stunts, not unlike figure skating or rodeo, except in deep-water gator-wrestling a man doesn't start astride his gator.

The gator gets tossed into seven feet of water and the man dives in to get him.

Billy Walker did this and had the misfortune of drawing a gator who came willingly, then more or less took a nap on the beach beside the pool.

Shea Hayley had the misfortune of drawing a gator who did not come willingly at all.

It was an eight-footer and Hayley grabbed him by the snout -- unwisely, perhaps, in hindsight. The gator thrashed out of his grip, snapped viciously, everybody screamed, and Hayley had to swim very fast backward to keep ownership of his hands.

He looked scared but he gulped some air and went down again. He was breathing hard when he got the thing out and went into his routine: the nail-clip, sticking a hand in the gator's mouth and whipping it out before the jaws whomped shut; bulldogging, holding the gator's snout shut with his chin alone; the Florida smile, bending the gator's head back and displaying its toothy maw to the crowd.

If you think the gator didn't really want to smile, you're probably right. ''I believe alligators probably would much rather be left alone,'' said Kent Vliet, professor of crocodilian biology at the University of Florida, this week.

''If you gave these gators the opportunity, they'd make every attempt to escape having to go through this again.'' But, he added, ``I don't think most of those routines are harmful to the animal at all.''

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He Must Be The One

Who else would be able to accomplish THIS?

Regardless of what the critics say, there are no earmarks in this bill. That’s part of the change that we’re bringing to Washington, is making sure that this money is well-spent to actually create jobs right here in Elkhart.

827 billion dollars including bullshit like dog parks and condoms and not one red cent for politician's pet projects.  He truly is the messiah.

 

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttt....

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An Addams Family Musical Is In The Works? Oh Dear G-D In Heaven!

Wasn't this a sign of the apocalypse?

Good buzz is coming out of this week's invitation-only reading of "The Addams Family" musical, with lots of cheers for what one spy calls a "brilliantly funny" cast - Nathan Lane (Gomez), Bebe Neuwirth (Morticia), Kevin Chamberlain (Uncle Fester), Marylouise Burke (Grandmama) and Terence Mann and Jan Maxwell as a "normal" couple.

Rick Elice and Marshall Brickman, who wrote "Jersey Boys," have come up with an original story, taking nothing from either the TV show or the movies. The Addams estate, I'm told, was adamant that the musical be based solely on Charles Addams' New Yorker drawings.

"They have complete control over just about everything on this show, and they rule with an iron fist," a source says of the estate, which is said to collect millions of dollars a year on all things Addams.

The musical is set in the present day, and the Addams family lives in a spooky castle in the middle of Central Park. The plot is a bit like "Meet the Parents," with Gomez and Morticia throwing a dinner party for the parents of their daughter Wednesday's boyfriend.

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It's Super Sunday!

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Doorbells?

No, really, we're gonna spend nearly a hundred grand for doorbells.  And make sure to check out the massive job creation that particular project, um, stimulates. 

Yeah.  Nice work if you can get it.

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Google bomb defused

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that it was about fifty percent "busy with other stuff" and fifty percent "because they're liberal douchebags":

It took four years for Google to address the "Google bomb" that was lobbed at former President Bush.

But it took the Internet behemoth only a few days to defuse the same attack on President Obama.

Four years versus a few days ... Some Googlers are asking why.

The main question I think most of us are left with is: Public Fister?

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One New Way To Earn A Mistrial

Smear stuff on your attorney.

The prosecutor said the defendant was compliant after the outburst and was taken into custody without further incident.

After lunch, Fraser dismissed the jury, telling them McGowan would have to get a new lawyer and that his trial would be delayed.

The judge scheduled a status conference for Feb. 9 and raised the defendant's bail from $250,000 to $1 million, finding he is a danger to the community.

Lawson said McGowan originally became upset last week when he claimed one of the jurors saw him in shackles as he entered the courtroom. Fraser dismissed all jurors who saw the defendant in shackles, the prosecutor said.

"The judge had been very fair," Lawson said. "All jurors who saw it were dismissed."

Fraser had also denied McGowan's attempt to represent himself, saying the request was untimely, Lawson said.

The prosecutor said the defendant had previously wiped human feces on himself and was examined by doctors to ensure he was mentally competent to stand trial.

McGowan is charged with kidnapping for robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and other counts and could face assault charges in connection with the attack on his attorney and jury, Lawson said.

The prosecutor said the defendant hit a man with a rock in a sock as the victim came out of his home to investigate a commotion on Oct. 17, 2007.

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Yeah, I'm gonna need more than a spoonful of sugar

In an article about how Barack Obama has been good so far for the D.C. economy (it's titled "A one-man stimulus?"), I found the following, which I'm sure you'll all just love:

Stephen Fuller, director of the George Mason University Center for Regional Analysis, said that sectors such as hospitality are small fry compared to government itself, which accounts for some 33 percent of the D.C. area economy.

Fortunately, he noted, Obama has got that angle covered, too.

“Having a new administration — and certainly one that will bolster the role of the federal government in the economy — couldn’t have come at a better time,” he said. “It’s pretty good medicine.”

Yeah, and when they start rolling out the Five Year Plans, well, that'll be just peachy.

I'm guessing Mr. Fuller isn't exactly a conservative.

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From The "Please Just Go Away" Files

Remember Ted Haggard, the Evangelical Pastor whose dalliances with male prostitutes was revealed days before the 2006 Elections and used by The Deciders as another spoke in their "Culture of Corruption" meme? Well, the jerkoff is back, and filthier than ever.

Brady Boyd, who succeeded Haggard as senior pastor of the 10,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, told The Associated Press that the man came forward to church officials in late 2006 shortly after a Denver male prostitute claimed to have had a three-year cash-for-sex relationship with Haggard.

Boyd said an "overwhelming pool of evidence" pointed to an "inappropriate, consensual sexual relationship" that "went on for a long period of time ... it wasn't a one-time act." Boyd said the man was in his early 20s at the time. He said he was certain the man was of legal age when it began.

Reached Friday night, Haggard declined to comment and said all interviews would have to be arranged through a publicist for HBO, which is airing a documentary about him this month.

Boyd said the church reached a legal settlement to pay the man for counseling and college tuition, with one condition being that none of the parties involved discuss the matter publicly.

Boyd said a Colorado Springs TV station reached him Thursday to say the young man was planning to provide a detailed report of his relationship with Haggard to the station. Boyd said the church preferred to keep the matter private, but it was the man's decision to go public.

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Important breaking news!

Something of vital importance to the fate of our Republic has transpired in Washington:

The first family settled into their new lives in the White House on Thursday as President Barack Obama won an important personal victory: He gets to keep his BlackBerry.

Welcome to the next four years of your lives, boys and girls!

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What a historic day!

America's first openly Marxist president!

Remember kids, dissent is the highest form of patriotism!

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I guess I don't count

Can somebody please just wake me up when Tuesday is over?

"This is a moment of history, having the first person of color/biracial president, so we want the T-shirt," said Sara Raley, an assistant professor of sociology at McDaniel College who recently taught a class on consumer behavior. "That's who we are as Americans. It's like it doesn't count if you don't get the T-shirt."

Oh well. I guess it'll all be worth it when we all get our free unicorns.

Posted by: Sean M. at 06:52 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Hey, ladies...

...you want to look your best for the coming Inauguration of The One, right? Well, now you can get Obama nails!

Small photos are glued onto the acrylic nail and not just of the future commander in chief. His wife Michelle and the whole first family fit as well.

"He's a family man," Temeka said. "So that when you look at that nail people are always excited to see the family on it."

This kind of Obama handy work takes time, about ten minutes for each nail. And the price tag for all ten fingers looking presidental? $55.

And I'm sure it's not at all tacky!

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Some Sports Families Get A Little Worked Up

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Obama writes touching letter to daughters general public

When most of us want to write a letter to someone, we don't have it published in Parade Magazine.  Yeah.

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What a drag

Remember RuPaul? Yeah, sorry for reminding you. Well, anyway, s/he's back with a new reality show, called "RuPaul's Drag Race."  And what precipitated his/her return?

"RuPaul is back, and better than ever," says Barbato. "RuPaul first took the world by storm when Clinton was in the White House. Now, in the new Obama era, the time is right for RuPaul to reign supreme once again."

I bet our president-elect is thrilled about that.  I'm sure an invite to stay overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom is forthcoming.  Or, at the very least, a Rose Garden ceremony marking RuPaul's return to, uh, supremacy.

(Okay, probably not.)

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Operators are standing by

News networks aren't the only people who will be heading to Washington for the coronation inauguration of Barack Obama later this month. No, QVC, purveyor of fine crap will also be there...

“We’re trying to give the audience a flavor of what the event is like, from the event,” [QVC vice president Doug] Rose said. “We will try to give them a sense of the electricity in the air.”

Among the items QVC has been selling since the election are a Barack Obama stamp collection, with stamps from Liberia, Sierra Leone, Grenada, St. Vincent and The Grenadines ($38.8 . One set has an Obama-Biden half dollar coin and a 1939 stamp depicting George Washington taking the first oath of office ($23.75). An Obama throw blanket is marked down from $41 to $36.84.

Several products are set to debut within the next few weeks. For $200, a shopper can have a coin set with each of the 44 presidents on a South Dakota quarter. A gold presidential pocket watch with Obama’s image will sell for $90. A coin and stamp set commemorating Martin Luther King Day and Obama’s inauguration is $20. And QVC will also sell a portfolio of newspaper front pages from inauguration day.

You know, my birthday is only a couple of months away. Please don't get me any of that stuff.

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Trademark Infringement Plaza

China isn't exactly famous for respecting western companies' trademarks, but a whole mall full of knock-off stores?

Some of the brand impostors at the mall in Nanjing, east of Shanghai, include a McDonalds look-a-like burger bar called McDnoald’s, a Starbucks-style coffee shop called Bucksstar Coffee, and a wannabe Pizza Hut called Pizza Huh.

I don't think I'd want to eat at Pizza Huh. It just sounds like they're kind of non-committal about the idea of actually serving you a pizza.

Anyway, you can see pictures of some of the storefronts at the link.

(Via Fark)

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:22 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Does this brain make me look fat?

If this new study is correct, I don't understand why I'm not thin as a rail...

Too much thinking could make you fat, according to a new study.

Researchers found the stress of thinking caused overeating with heavy thinkers seeking out more calories.

Well, a diet consisting mainly of bacon and alcohol probably isn't helping matters, either.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:34 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Target marketing

Are you the kind of angry lefty scold who feels the need to inject politics into every fucking last part of your Chimpy McBu$hitler-hating life?  Well, if you're reading this, probably not, but if you are, I have good news!  There's finally a cell phone carrier for you!

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