December 30, 2009

Nothing Makes Me Happier Than Seeing Hippies Suffer

Fuck you, you filthy hippies. Fuck you with your hemp sandals, a washcloth and the bar of soap you have been neglecting in favor of your bong water and patchouli stink. Fuck you for trying to force that whole peace, love, and vegetarianism bullshit on us. Fuck you for tie dye and hacky sack. Fuck you for your awful taste in clothing and Ravi Shankar music. And fuck you for your stupid rituals, especially this one.

Investigators found traces of anthrax on two African drums and an electrical outlet in the room where the event took place, Dr. Talbot said, and are theorizing that the woman swallowed spores that were aerosolized by the drumming. The state has not identified the woman because of privacy concerns.

Dr. Talbot said the anthrax detected on the drums was a naturally occurring strain that frequently appears in soil. Animals that ingest contaminated soil can pass the disease to people who handle their hides. Most of the drums at the session were made with animal hides, she said.

Although it is unlikely that others who attended the drumming session will contract the disease, Dr. Talbot said, the state is offering antibiotics and vaccines to all of them as a precautionary measure. It is also providing the treatment to about 20 students who live at the United Campus Ministry building, which is not part of the university but invites students to its events.

“This is an unusual and highly complex investigation,” Dr. Talbot said, adding that the state was still awaiting results on other drums that had been tested.

The ministry advertised the Dec. 4 event on its Web site as a drum circle and pasta supper. Julie Corey, a drumming teacher who led the session, said the victim had danced that night instead of drumming. “She was the first to get up and dance,” Ms. Corey recalled, adding that she thought the woman was a graduate student at another college. “She’s a vital young woman, from what I’ve seen of her — a strong-spirited person.”

Not strong enough, I guess.

And yes, I am an awful person for laughing at the pain of a hippie. I am laughing at how fucking stupid they are. I am laughing at the fact that their stupid rituals lead to mishaps such as this. And I am laughing at their self-righteousness. And to absolve myself of my awfulness, I will eat an entire cow wrapped around a pig wrapped around a turkey that has been giving the Ass to Ass treatment to a duck. Then, I will wash it down with a gallon of whiskey, burn a few tires, and then have some "alone time" with my clean and drug free wife.

 

 

 

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