doubleplusundead

June 08, 2009

Moron Pundit Announces Unveiling of Giant Package

Today, Obama has announced that he is going to save or create another 600,000 jobs by expediting 10 major projects.

I'm tired of our messianic President thinking so small so I'm announcing my new stimulus.

Over the next 37 minutes I intend to save or create 155,081,000 jobs. That's right, I'm going to save or create every fucking job in the United States in a little over half an hour.

How, you ask? A giant package, that's how. How big is this package? So big that women will scream as it is unveiled. Oh yes, this is a hefty economic bitch-splitter with the ability to beat the brakes off any recession and leave it panting and eager for seconds.

My giant package will inspire epic poetry and songs of gallantry. Women will want it applied to them and men will wish they were the ones applying it.

That's right, once you go Pundit you'll never refund it. Once you MP you'll always agree. Sign up now in the comments or leave your testimonials.

Update: 9:00AM - I did it! I saved every fucking job with my swollen package! Next time you go to the polls, remember that you owe your employment to ME, Moron Pundit.

I'll see you in the White House. Except alexthechick. She has to bring her boots over for a private inspection. After all, saving her job as a law-talking-gal was pretty awesome of me.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:23 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 245 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I humbly place myself at the vagaries of your schedule for the boot inspection. You are the most awesome that ever did awesome, I do agree. Okay next to Alice from Twilight but we're going to politely ignore that I read all of those books, m'kay?

That's right, once you go Pundit you'll never refund it.

Ow ow ow ow tea out nose ow ow ow.

Posted by: alexthechick at June 08, 2009 09:15 AM (SHHaV)

2 Funniest shit I've read here since the last time plebian posted.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at June 08, 2009 09:52 AM (4/hgy)

3 Andrew Sullivan approves

Posted by: eddiebear at June 08, 2009 10:58 AM (wnU1W)

4 Quick question, did your thinking of your package have anything to do with the previous post?

Posted by: Veeshir at June 08, 2009 03:19 PM (ThMnZ)

5 Absolutely.

Without any question.

I'd demand pics but that's so passe.

I demand video.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at June 08, 2009 04:36 PM (83gRI)

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