October 21, 2008

BREAKING: Barack Obama a Lying, Unqualified DoucheNozzle


In a stunning development, recent research has determined that every news story, historical document, interview and speech regarding or given by Barack Obama confirms that he is, in fact, a lying, unqualified DoucheNozzle.

Clete Washer, president of the Douchebag Research Institute says:

Basically everything he says is a calculated lie.  Our research not only provides conclusive evidence that he is a douchenozzle but that he may, in fact, present to America the first presidential candidate douche trifecta(bag, nozzle and fluid). 

And that doesn't even take into account how unqualified he is.  Every association, mentor, friend or enemy he has ever had only magnifies his capacity to clean and freshen female genetalia.  This is quite unprecedented.


Bumped due to accidental delete

Moron Pundit:  Living up to his name every day!

In case you are wondering where I've been let it be known that the main reason I haven't been writing about the political process is that I've simply lost the capacity to process how much utter fucking bullshit is flying around right now. 

The media is so completely and openly in service to the Obama campaign that it is sickening.  The Joe the Plumber incident makes me wonder if we don't need a revolution (media only, please do not misinterpret) to clean out these motherfuckers and replace them with honest dispensers of the truth.  I think the Ace-inspired media-vetting initiative may yield results. 

I guess this last batch of events has transformed the way I feel about these things and I'm having a bit of trouble continuing to make fun of it.  Obama (by far the worst presidential candidate in history) will be handed the Presidency based on an allied, dishonest, hateful media, a nihilistic, win-at-all-costs socialist elite and massive, cynical voter fraud nationwide.

This cannot stand.  This is absurd. 

Now, before you accuse me of falling to Obama derangement syndrome, I promise he will still be "my president" even though I will continue to give him exactly the same opportunity to show how great he is that the left did to Bush which is to say I will blame him for everything that goes wrong, attack him for every simple misstep and generally attempt to emotionally, mentally and historically destroy him as a person.

But I still wish what is best for the United States and will not oppose policies I know are right just to make him look bad.

That being said, I believe the attempt at utter public humiliation and 'vetting' must include everyone involved.  If it is alright to attack and expose everything about a man who had the fucking audacity to ask a Presidential Candidate a question, it is right to expose every affair, closeted homosexual, crime, indiscretion, drunk child, deviancy or other flaw of EVERY JOURNALIST IN AMERICA. I want to know if they beat their children.  I want to know if they have speeding tickets.  I want to know if they drink too much, if they forclosed on a loan, if they ever failed a test or had plastic surgery.  I want to expose everything about all of them.


Some may not deserve it, probably most, but it must be made clear to them through this process that this behavior is utterly unacceptable.  They must pay.  They must suffer until they understand that there are fucking limits. Only by collective punishment will they learn to restrain themselves.

Also, I suggest boycotting all written newspapers and television news until further notice.  I don't ever partake in those currently so I lose nothing but I would like nothing more than to see the entire, corrupt system gutted completely in a wave of bankruptcies and mass layoffs. 

So yeah, I'm fucking pissed and have very little room between a rant like this and telling you all what I really think.  I'm pretty sure a lot of that would go over some personal lines so I keep it to myself. 

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:15 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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