September 05, 2008

Surrender Conservatives Or Face Civil War!

In a previous post, DPUD points out a silly British twat that says America is on the brink of a civil war that can only be avoided if conservatives cave in to liberal demands. Once again, we are informed by our intellectual superiors that we should learn to compromise.

Before I continue, let me bust out my Moron Political Dictionary (Liberal Edition) and provide the definition of "compromise":

Compromise comp • ro • misenoun - To completely abandon your gun-clinging, racist hateosophy and embrace* extreme liberal beliefs without reservation.

*-Note, it is not enough to tolerate things which are different than you would prefer but necessary to celebrate them with  pride parades, patches and  bumper stickers involving double entendres and 10th grade wit. Ex: You can't hug your children with nuclear arms.  Genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111eleventy

Short answer:  Suck the barbed cock of Satan.

Long answer:

I hate to be the one to distract your cranial atom-shasher but I'm kind of at a loss as to how the prospect of a 'civil war' with the left would motivate me in any way to change my behavior.  I'm significantly more worried that my shoe might come untied, honestly.  In fact, a civil war with the left rests somewhere below pillow fight with Kiera Knightly on the terror scale. 

You know why?  Because your entire fucked up ideology is based on believing that nothing is worth fighting for.  Certainly worth organizing hunger strikes and spray painting government buildings but not violence.  That's for barbarians!

An aside: Once I was in a bar and some stupid hippie talked shit about 9/11 so I responded by talking very loudly about what a stupid fucking worthless hippie douchetool he was.  My friend warned in hushed tones that the guy in the burlap sack could hear me so I just looked the hippie straight in the eye and said, "What's he going to do?  He's a fucking hippie."

This is the problem with your pacifist ideology.  It broadcasts its inability to defend itself to those that oppose it.  If you loudly and repeatedly proclaim that you won't fight to defend your beliefs as a central tenet of your ideology, how do you expect to deter people that disagree from simply forcing you to do the opposite? 

Of course, you realize this.  This is why you are all so opposed to the 2nd Amendment.  You know that in the final equation, the fact that the majority of Americans have guns means that no matter how much control you get over the political system, we can still just tell you no.  That must really rankle.  No matter how much you lie and weasel your way into power, a full conversion to Soviet communism would still be blocked by the simple will of an armed population.

Yeah, we know that too.  That's why we won't let you take our guns.  It makes you powerless.  And in the end, that's where all of the leftist anger and paranoia really comes from.  You believe you are right and good but for some reason  no amount of chanting and creative bumper sticker design will turn America into a socialist paradise.  Why do they insist on controlling thier own lives?  Why do they keep voting for the GOP?  This just can't be!  It must be because the Rethugglikkans are cheating. 

Your world view depends on your enemies being either stupid or dumb or stupid and dumb (Bush is both retarded and the greatest criminal mastermind in Earth's history, apparently) but really, we simply disagree with you.  We aren't planning some diabolical fascist takeover of the country and deep down you know that's true.  Know how I know you know?  Because in the parts of your mind untainted by disturbing paranoia and bong resin, you know that if the right wanted to take complete control of the government by force we could do it in a week and there'd be nothing you stinking hippies could do about it.

One of your heros on the left once said, "Political power comes from the barrel of a gun." 

Second, you may now say "Math, this theory sounds so brutal and violent! I do not like it!" Well, that is ok, you may pretend that it has a better name, such as "political power comes from flowers.".

Somehow, Lenin/Mao's point was lost because the vast majority of the left seems to believe political power comes from extremely limited hygiene, chanting, starving yourself and burning wicked accurate effigies in the street. 

Back in the really real world, its obvious that the right has a near monopoly of real power in this country which is why you douchetools are relegated to banging drums in the park painted red with the blood of the innocent.  And you  have the audacity to threaten us with a fucking civil war if we don't start accepting your demands?  My 9mm wrote you a poem expressing its feelings about this prospect in the form of a haiku:

 

You say you want a

revolution, well you know,

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.

This isn't the movies and just 'getting together' and 'smiling on your brother' isn't going to win an actual civil war.  It takes guns and training and a will to fight for what you believe in.  Hate to break it to you, but you're a bunch of cowardly pacifists who will only do violence in the form of vandalism if you're wearing a fucking mask.  You take that to another level and we will too but ours goes to fucking eleven.  Yours is clearly stuck on stupid.

Fucking hippies.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 11:33 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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