Who the fuck do you think you are?

I only ask because you seem to be confused.  I'm not talking the normal state of fugue in which you drift through the halls of power.  We're all aware of your mental retardation.

No, I'm talking eating shit and calling it a steak confused.  I'm talking thinking Wanda Sykes is funny confused.  You know, out of your fucking mind.

Did someone tell you you were important?  Did someone mistake you for a decent human being and not one of the biggest fucking wastes of human space to ever rob oxygen from babies? 

I mean, for fuck's sake.  Nine out of ten serial killers have done less damage to American society than you.  You're like ... well...  remember that song by Alanis Morrisette, Ironic?  Let's use that as a template:

You are like:

1. An old man turned ninety-eight ... got brutally fisted by a roving band of AIDS-infected gorillas.
2. Cyanide in your Chardonnay.
3. A death row pardon ... that leads to the execution style killing of 47 daycare workers.
4. Catching Ebola on your wedding day.
5. A free ride ...  to a human slavery ring.
6. Ten thousand spoons when all you need is your insulin.

Is this beginning to make sense?  People like you don't get to bully veterans and call soldiers murderers.  That's like colon cancer calling you an asshole. 

No.  You're the fucking asshole.  You're a festering cancer on the body politic.  A slimy parasite wallowing happily in America's shitty colon.  You're slightly less classy than 2girls1cup while simultaneously being more hypocritical than alterboy-fucking priest. 

I wouldn't piss on you to put out a fire.  If it were between saving your life and getting an uneccessary spinal tap, I'd undergo the procedure because it could theoretically have some value. 

So, in the future I have a few suggestions:

1. Stop talking. 
2. Try to buddy up with Ted Kennedy and get him to take you on late night rides in his limosine.
3. Take up heroin.
4. Go fuck yourself sideways with a chainsaw.

In closing, I'd just like to mention that the assembled cast of The Ringer would be a vast improvement over you and your staff.  I don't know what you offered Satan for the power you wield but I'm pretty sure it included your intelligence, your honor, your conscience and your morality.

Rot in hell motherfucker,
Moron Pundit

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 08:48 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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