March 29, 2009

Who would have guessed they'd be into that sort of thing?

The Iranians are heading to North Korea to watch Kim Jong-il play with his missile.

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March 26, 2009

Amidst All Of The Carnage And Backbiting, Lets' Get Back To The Real News

Namely, is Dolly Parton a Lesbian?

"We're absolutely totally honest, open and comfortable with each other," Parton says in the new issue of AARP magazine. "We've been accused of being lovers. We do love each other, but we've never been like that." (For the record, Parton has been married to her retired businessman husband, Carl Dean, for 43 years!)

As for her future with Hannah Montana, Parton recently revealed that, contrary to reports, she is not in the upcoming Hannah flick. She said that producers initially asked her if she'd be interested in revisiting Aunt Dolly for the big screen, but the character never made it into the script.

No matter. Parton still has plans to stay popular with the Miley Cyrus generations. She has a children's book hitting stores in June and plans to put out a series of children's CDs. Also on the drawing board: possibly hosting a children's TV show a la Pee-wee's Playhouse.


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March 25, 2009

Missile being assembled

The Norks are assembling their missile on the silo right now.

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March 17, 2009

This won't be hard

Voting along strict party lines, the Texas State Senate passed legislation today that would require people to provide photo ID before voting.  Go ahead and guess which party was for it and which was against it.  Yeah.

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March 15, 2009

Uh-oh! The Monkeys Are Catching Up!

First, it was the chimp that tore off the face of that lady in Connecticut. Then, it was the chimp in the Swedish Zoo that stockpiles and stores rocks to throw at visitors. Now, we have more monkey business*

First, a monkey kills its cruel owner with a coconut.

The animal – named Brother Kwan – found the work tedious and strenuous but Mr Janchoom refused to let him rest, dishing out beatings if he refused to climb trees.

It is believed that the monkey eventually snapped, and targeted his owner from a high branch with one of the hard-skinned fruits.

Mr Janchoom, from the province of Nakorn Sri Thammarat in Thailand, died on the spot after being struck by the coconut, according to reports in a local newspaper.

The dead man's wife said that the monkey had "seemed lovable" when they bought him for £130.

News of the attacks comes after scientists disclosed this week that a chimpanzee at a Swedish zoo became so annoyed at being gawked at by tourists in a zoo that he started creating weapons to hurl at them.

Then, proof is out there that monkeys can floss their teeth.

"I was surprised because teaching techniques on using tools properly to a third party are said to be an activity carried out only by humans," he said.

The study focused on the observation of seven female long-tailed macaques and interaction with their off spring at a colony of monkeys near Bangkok in Thailand.

The practice of teeth flossing doubled and became significantly more elaborate when they were in the presence of infant monkeys, suggesting that they were attempting to teach the technique to the young.

"The study is still at the hypothesis stage," said Professor Masataka.

"We would like to shift our focus to the baby monkeys to check whether the mothers' actions are effectively helping them learn how to clean their teeth."

*Yeah. I know that chimps and monkeys are different. So what?

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March 14, 2009

John McCain Was Evil, Evil, Evil

For even suggesting we tax health benefits.  What a fucking monster.

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March 12, 2009

No wonder I'm constantly unhappy.

Oh wait, no I'm not. But it turns out I probably should be. Science says so! (emphasis and link mine):

Looking for happiness—it's family-friendly communities for some, tropical paradise or the rugged West for others. A survey of Americans' well-being, conducted by Gallup in partnership with Healthways and America's Health Insurance Plans, gives high marks to Utah, which boasts lots of outdoor recreation for its youthful population.


And the bluegrass state of Kentucky was 49th, with Mississippi 48th on the list.


Rep. Harold Rogers' district in eastern Kentucky's coal country and New York Rep. Jose Serrano's district, which includes the distressed neighborhood of the South Bronx, had the lowest well-being scores.
I will admit, though, that Rogers' district is a complete hellhole.  Anyone there with any talent or future escaped long ago.

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March 11, 2009

Shocking news

Shocking, that is, if you're extremely naive:

Nearly half of college freshmen who drink alcohol spend more time drinking each week than they do studying, suggests a survey involving more than 30,000 first-year students on 76 campuses who took an online alcohol education course last fall.
Duh. Drinking is a lot more fun than studying.  Plus, how often do you get to have sloppy sex that you'll probably regret the next day after a night of studying?

Oh, and this woman is a monster who needs to be stopped:
Gwendolyn Jordan Dungy, executive direct or of NASPA — Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education, says the findings surprised her because most literature describes the millennial generation as responsible, close to parents, focused on their careers and dedicated to service.

"Our hope is that this new finding will motivate (campus and community leaders) to join us as we redouble our efforts to de-emphasize the role of alcohol in college life," she says.
So, what you're saying, in essence, is that you want these kids to spend more time smoking weed?

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March 10, 2009

"I Won"

Now let's completely change the country in every way imaginable. 

This is getting fucking ridiculous and we're over here fighting about what the word "fail" means.

I'll tell you what it means.

Permanent.  Democratic.  Majority.

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March 04, 2009

Best wishes to Carly Fiorina

She was diagnosed with breast cancer.  After undergoing surgery on Monday, her doctor has given her and "excellent" prognosis for full recovery.

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March 03, 2009

Let it not be said that The One doesn't reward his friends

One of Palin's biggest critics in Alaska during the 2008 election is getting a cushy job in the Obama administration:

Alaska State Sen. Kim Elton, one of the leading officials to pursue an investigation of Gov. Sarah Palin during the heat of the presidential campaign, has taken a high-level job in the Interior Department.

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