You Want A Disclaimer? Here's One For You

Apparently, some publishing house felt the need to put a disclaimer on their copies of some of this nation's founding documents.

Wilder Publications warns readers of its reprints of the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, Common Sense, the Articles of Confederation, and the Federalist Papers, among others, that “This book is a product of its time and does not reflect the same values as it would if it were written today.”

The disclaimer goes on to tell parents that they "might wish to discuss with their children how views on race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, and interpersonal relations have changed since this book was written before allowing them to read this classic work."

Obviously, these fools need to be briefed on the Constitution by the greatest scholar ever:


Oh, and I have a disclaimer as well and a message to the publishing house:
Fuck you. Fuck you along the fuck freeway with the ipad security flaw up your steatorrhea stained shit tickler. Fuck you for treating the founding documents as if they were some sort of satanic missive or a public school banned book collection. Fuck you for mistreating the founding documents to garner publicity for your company. And fuck you, because this one is personal.

"Does not reflect the same values"? What the floating fucklog along the flooded river of fuck is that? Same fucking values? How about liberty, freedom, and the desire to keep the government out of our business as much as possible? Those no longer matter, Fuckmate First Class Of The Fuckfissure Frigate? If those values are no longer necessary, then please fucking tell me what matters now. If any of what you view as important does not include what these documents entail, then  go get fucked with a Mongolian Meatmangler.

These documents clarify and shine a beacon upon what we call American Exceptionalism: the naive and unique belief that no man is above the law, that we are free from tyranny, and that we all rule (That pesky "We The People" bit), and that we shall hold as sovereign not a person, but a document that protects these rights. And the fucking fact that the system set up by these documents, while amended and modified, is still in place lo these many years later should serve as a testament to their awesomeness, and a "fuck you" to anybody who can think of something better.

You see, fuckhead publishing, inc., this is personal to me. I care not why you decided to issue the disclaimer, for I believe you have no idea behind what these documents really mean. These documents are a testament to the courage and foresight of a people who wanted a better life for themselves and their progeny. These words meant so much, they were willing to risk everything to help put these dosuments in place, even death and destruction. The people who issued the founding documents knew that these words and pieces of paper were worth dying for. They knew the nobility, passed down from Burke, of freedom, and what was needed to attain, preserve, and protect it. And anything less than quiet reverence for these documents needs to get the gigagoatse treatment.

These documents have done more to protect and enhance freedom than anything else ever written. And they are so beautiful, I, along with millions of people have taken an oath and risked their lives the last two centuries to preserve, protect, and defend them. Not a king, but a sheet of paper full of words and ideas. How fucking awesome is that? How beautiful are the words on these documents that hundreds of thousands of Americans would wind up dead in shitholes like The Wilderness, Iwo Jima, Bastogne, The Marne, Khe-San, Inchon, Kuwait, Baghdad, Kabul, and elsewhere in order to keep them alive? Yeah, that is fucking personal to me. And I will not allow the sacrifices of millions who found these words ones to die for get sullied by a dipshit who needs to go back to pounding out his masterpiece in between shifts at Coffee Clusterfuck. And for you to issue a disclaimer? Fuck you. That's my disclaimer to you.

You, shithole publisher, have no fucking clue what the documents you believe are needing of a warning really mean. And for that, I wish you to get fucked, go to hell, and suffer a burning cockrash along the way.

Posted by: eddiebear at 12:31 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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