August 31, 2009

"Same again" != water

Never mind barhopping in Scotland - even if you speak any of their languages, if you ask for a refill, you're gonna get water.

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August 30, 2009

What's the opposite of "Great"?

I needed this, it's about funny.
In Britain, if you leave your car unlocked, the cops are stealing your stuff to teach you a lesson.
In most places, according to the article, they send you a letter telling you to lock your car, in Twittenham...errr... Twickenham, they're taking your stuff and leaving a letter to tell you to come to the police station to retrieve it.

I assume they make you stand in the corner and go to bed without dinner too.

If you just leave your car unlocked or leave valuables visible in a locked car, they send you a warning letter.
My favorite quote
We have had a bit problem with thefts from cars, so we decided to be a bit more innovative," said Superintendent Jim Davis, the officer behind the initiative.
Cuz catching criminals is hard. It's so much safer and easier to deal with law-abiding people.

I gotta tell you, if this happened here, I wouldn't go to the police station to get my stuff, I would go to court and charge them with theft.

If they started doing it and I heard about it before it got to me, I would try to rig up a bag like they give bank robbers, where when you open it you get a blast of paint in the face.

What would be more fun than saying, "Hey, it's my property, I didn't tell you to go in my car" to some blue-faced nanny/cop?

They've gone back to being serfs. The laird of the land is telling them what to do and they're meekly doing it.
H/T The Agitator

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August 28, 2009

UK trying to replace pint glasses with plastic

Because pint glasses are sometimes used as makeshift weapons...if this doesn't trigger a full on rebellion against Nanny Fascism in the UK, nothing will.

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August 27, 2009

Irony defined

Pay attention, Alanis, because this is how it's actually done:

The Met Office's new supercomputer has scored it's second own goal since it was unveiled with much fanfare in May.

After tempting the nation into holidaying in Britain by wrongly forecasting a "barbecue Summer", it has now earned the Met Office's Exeter headquarters the shame of being named as one of the most polluting buildings in Britain.

By the time it reaches peak performance in 2011 the £30 million machine's massive processing power - it can perform 125 trillion calculations per second - will require 1.2 megawatts of power to run, enough energy to power a small town.

As a result it will contribute 12,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide to the problem of global warming every year.

Which assumes that gorebell wormering is actually caused by carbon dioxide (see the two posts directly below) but having a "climate change supercomputer" as one of Britain's worst polluters is still pretty fucking funny.

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August 26, 2009

NHS, here we come!

None of those ignorant Town Hall "Teabaggers" with their idiotic notions about so-called "socialized medicine" know what they're talking shouting about, right? Right?

In the last six years, the Patients Association claims hundreds of thousands have suffered from poor standards of nursing, often with 'neglectful, demeaning, painful and sometimes downright cruel' treatment.

The charity has disclosed a horrifying catalogue of elderly people left in pain, in soiled bed clothes, denied adequate food and drink, and suffering from repeatedly cancelled operations, missed diagnoses and dismissive staff.

The Patients Association said the dossier proves that while the scale of the scandal at Mid-Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust - where up to 1,200 people died through failings in urgent care - was a one off, there are repeated examples they have uncovered of the same appalling standards throughout the NHS.

Okay, that sounds a little unpleasant for the oldsters, but just think of the savings! We're talking big picture here, people, and that cost curve ain't gonna bend itself.


Update: I read this earlier today, and while you probably were already skeptical of the whole "If you like your plan, you can keep it," mantra that Obama keeps repeating, it gives the specifics that show that he either doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about or is flat-out bullshitting everyone when he says that. You tell me which is worse.

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August 23, 2009


We have the tag for a reason.  This time around, government organizations and "quangos",  British slang for quasi-NGOs which are largely subsidized by the government, are moving to eliminate phrases like "black mark" or "right hand man", because they may be offensive to women or minorities, and are offering up alternative phrases.

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August 20, 2009

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays Swine Flu!

I'm not a doctor (I just play one on teevee) but I think the correct diagnosis here is actually "beer flu."

Thousands may be using the national flu line to land themselves 'swine flu sickies', it was claimed last night.

Every Monday the number using the hotline or associated website to get Tamiflu is more than double that of the day before, Government figures show.

The service is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, so there is no reason why people should wait until after the weekend to use it.

It also emerged yesterday that fewer than 10 per cent of those prescribed Tamiflu actually have swine flu, according to estimates based on tests on a sample by the Health Protection Agency.

Chief medical officer Sir Liam Donaldson admitted the weekly Monday spikes in calls to the National Pandemic Flu Service were 'curious'. But he would not comment on the suggestion that people were using the disease as an excuse to get time off work.

So, let me get this straight...when you offer "free" health care to people, some of them might abuse the system for possibly trivial reasons? The hell, you say! We've been told over and over that a system like that would, you know, cut down on fraud and waste by none other than the president! Who you gonna believe?

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August 16, 2009

Chipmunk terror sweeps the UK

Heh.  Oddly enough, we don't have many chipmunks in town, save for just a few isolated pockets in a few neighborhoods.  Tons of squirrels though, and this year, rabbits, lots and lots of rabbits.

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August 13, 2009

We don't need no stinking death panels

I hadn't searched my nic in a long time, over a year probably, so I did it today. It was fun, since I'm my own best audience (I laugh at my own jokes and always have, if I didn't think they were funny, I wouldn't say them) I've been finding a lot of stuff to make me laugh.
Some, not so much.
Unfortunately, the link in the story is dead, but Tim of Tim Worstall's blog quotes it, I found this by searching for one of the Drs in the post

The detective work of Dr Claire Royston (Opine Consultancy) has led to a coroner demanding a public inquiry into claims that 11 hospital patients were deliberately starved to death.
Peter Ashworth, the coroner for Derby, believes that it could be Britain's first case of forced 'mass euthanasia'.

They starved 11 old dudes to death. At first the cops said they saw no reason to investigate. Get it? 11 people starved to death and there's no reason to investigate. Our future if Obamacare gets done.

Quote from a family member of one of the useless mouths:
We kept being told that feeding him would be bad for his general health, and he was too frail to tell us otherwise,' he said.

Get it? They lied in order to kill these guys and the poor families have the rest of their lives to live with their guilt at being so stupid as to believe the bastards (I'm not blaming, I'm just noting that people feel guilty for stuff that's not really their fault, we're stupid that way)

The story is heart-breaking as you read about them stretching their hands out for food going to others but they got none.
And it helps the "healthcare professionals", no messy arguments with relatives about euthanasia drugs, just starve them to death. No fuss, no muss.
There is now increasing concern across Britain about the way hospitals appear to be hastening the deaths of elderly patients. These issues are being raised by the National Media.
Police in Leeds and Hampshire are also looking into similar cases. Investigations are underway into the unexpected deaths of 62 patients - all pensioners - who had been admitted for postoperative rehabilitation at the Gosport War Memorial hospital in Hampshire.

No death panel, just a bunch of bureaucrats deciding that they need to kill these folks so they can afford other stuff, like soap and clean sheets. This was around 2000, the deaths were in the late 90s. Now, I'm sure they hide these things.

This might be the story linked by Tim with this loveliest of murderousness

Quote from the judge in the inquest
He said that if "food and fluid was withdrawn at a time when they were perfectly capable of accepting it all because it was arbitrarily decided that it was time for them to die", it would amount to a policy that had been "totally unacceptable since the dark ages".

So far so good, "Why are you so pissed off?" you ask (Definitely with lots of cussing, you foulmouthed bunch)
Because he didn't stop there
"If it should transpire that food and fluids were withdrawn in good faith and in the not unreasonable belief that it was in their best interests as the lesser of two evils,

They starved the poor bastards to death and it was in good faith as the lesser of two evils? What was the other choice? Starving dogs fighting over their carcasses? Hung on the battlements for crows to peck out their eyes? Covered with honey and staked on an anthill?
Judge Mengele wasn't done
 it would be grossly unfair to record a verdict other than that of death by natural causes."

Purposely starved to death is "natural causes" if it's in good faith as the lesser of two evils? The greater evil is, of course, paying for them. 
The verdict?
The inquest at Derby's Pride Park heard it was common for severe dementia patients not to be given food and drink. Chris Gawne, a solicitor for some of the families in the case, said after the verdict, "The families are relieved that the inquests have now come to a conclusion and are confident that the causes of these patient's deaths have been properly and rigorously examined. The families can take comfort in the fact that their loved ones died solely because they reached the end of their natural lives." A consultant psychiatrist had told the inquest earlier that not feeding patients could be in their "best interests".

I'm pretty sure that's English for "Screw you, now shut up and like it."

See?For one of the few times in his presidency Obama was telling the truth, they don't need no stinking death panels, all they need are bureaucrats looking at the fact that their hospital doesn't have enough money to go around so the people with the least to lose and little or no ability to dispute the decision get to die  and then they get officialdom to explain exactly why it was for the best.

Don't click any of the links unless you have something to beat handy. Luckily, my dog loves a good beating.

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August 05, 2009


Holy Moley! Words fail me (Mark you calendars) so I'll just quote, point and laugh derisively.
A shopper was astonished when staff at Marks and Spencer demanded that she prove her age before she bought a pizza-cutter
Staff are required to ask for identification from any customer who tries to buy alcohol or a bladed item and appears younger than 25.

(Points east, toward Britain)
Ha-ha./ Nelson Muntz

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August 03, 2009

What's after Fail?

I wasn't sure if this belonged in the Funniest End of Civilization Ever category or not, but I felt like making fun of the Brits after seeing the CCTV thing and this chipmunk thing so Fail Britannia it is.
A senior Tory MP has asked the home secretary whether al-Qaeda sympathisers were mistakenly recruited by MI5.

Four were ejected at the initial vetting stage but two got "further down the system", he told the BBC.

Get it? We can't infiltrate al Quaeda but they can infiltrate us.

See? Endy and funny!
(Via Kyros at Jawa Report)

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There's a reason for the tag

Well, this isn't creepy.

Look, if it's that bad, then take the kids.  This?  I don't think you can see the line from where this lands. 

I still wonder if there is a breaking point for the UK.  I would like to hope that at some point the citizens would rise up against this.  Unfortunately, all evidence points to no. 

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August 02, 2009

This Is Why This Site Has A Fail Britannia Tag

What the flying fuck is this about? Grade schoolers still in diapers?

The charity Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence (Eric) runs at least one course a month to give school nurses advice about how to deal with late starters who turn up to school in nappies, as well as children with medical issues. Training sessions for teachers are also under discussion.

"With primary schools, toilet training is a real issue at the moment," said Natasha Collins, education and training coordinator. "There is no hard and fast rule about potty training, parents can only do it when their child is ready.

"Some parents do leave it later, perhaps because the children don't seem to be ready. They tend to take a step back and say 'well OK, I'll leave it' whereas in the past there might have been pressure for parents to conform.

"Historically, they really did almost force the children, whether it was the right time for them or not. I do think nowadays, parents seem to be a little more laid back and open to listening to their children, so that could be a reason for it."

Most children are potty trained between the ages of two and three. Although some schools and nurseries do not take children still in nappies, local authorities now warn that they could be breaking the law.

Any admission policy that sets a blanket standard of continence or requires parents to come and change a child, or leaves a child in a soiled nappy while they wait, could be considered discriminatory or even a from of abuse.

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