December 22, 2008

Some people are afraid of getting on a plane with a Muslim

But British airport security rightfully recognizes that clowns are the real terrorists. So much so that they strip-searched the clown.

'I showed them my police clown identity card, which had my picture next to my credentials as a member of the Criminal Insane Department, but I don't think that really helped.'
Part of me thinks this is another FAIL Britannia, part of me thinks you don't screw with airport security.  Pics of the terrorist at the link, so that alex doesn't have to be afraid of visiting the blog.  See, that's my Christmas present to you, alex, so say thank you.

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Britain's deathspiral continues

"Tis the Season to Be Careful", a safety pamphlet put out by, no, I'm not kidding, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents.  Seriously, why don't the Brits just wrap the entire fucking island in bubble wrap if they're this worried about accidents?

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December 18, 2008

So, after many new Nanny State actions in Britain to combat obesity, term obesity banned

God these people are pathetic...

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December 17, 2008

Just Remember This The Next Time You Want To Play Soccer In England

It appears as though some guy who owns some Italian Soccer Team is upset that too many of his players are considering bolting for more money in the English Premier League. And this guy is takingthe high road to convince his guys to stay in Italy.

“We made these players — two years ago nobody knew who they were,” roared the movie mogul.

“If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”

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December 15, 2008

No dogs allowed

Alun Elder-Brown, a blind Briton, recently had a rather unpleasant experience:

Mr Elder-Brown was taking his girlfriend out to celebrate her birthday with her five year-old daughter last week when he was told he would have to leave his dog, Finn, tied up outside.

He showed a card issued by the Institute of Environmental Health Officers certifying he and his dog were allowed into any premises but an argument ensued and the owners threatened to call the police if he did not leave.

"It was humiliating and degrading, especially as there were a lot of people around me," he said.

"I was made to feel like a piece of dirt. They told me I couldn't come in because it was against their religious beliefs to have a dog in the restaurant.

Go ahead and guess whose religious sensibilities were being offended by his guide dog. Yeah, that was easy.

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Divorce, DINK Style

DINK, for the uninitiated, stands for Dual Income, No Kids, which is the way more and more married couples live. And, predictably, when these marriages end, the custody hearings could become as unique and contentious as those involving couples with children. And more and more, dogs are caught in the middle of the new DINK divorces.

They are increasingly being asked to draw up legal agreements to set out custody and 'dog visiting rights'.

In some cases, feuding couples have spent up to £25,000 on court battles, which have involved calling in animal behaviour experts.

Partners who lived together but never married are also drawing up agreements after splitting.

Grant Howell, a family law partner at London firm Charles Russell, said one couple's row about access to their Jack Russell terrier had become so acrimonious the court felt it necessary to settle the dispute first because it was distracting from other points of the divorce.

'With animals it becomes very emotional,' he added. 'It's almost a peg on which to hang all the other frustrations and to try and get the better of the other person.'

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Maybe They Should Have Just Eloped

Maybe it's just me, but the idea of spending damn near $30,000 on a wedding, including, a horse-drawn carriage, is a tad pretentious. But, until this story, I never thought of it as dangerous.

Paramedics arrived and the bride's fiance, Karl Woods, was summoned from St Leonard's Church, in Bretforton, Worcestershire.

'I was waiting at the church when one of my friends came running up and said something terrible had happened to Sophie,' said Mr Woods, 36, who runs a clothes shop in Evesham.

'When we got there she was lying in the road covered in blood with a paramedic telling her not to move.' Miss Clarke, an accountant from South Littleton, was taken to hospital in a neck brace.

The £15,000 ceremony and reception for which she had spent years preparing, was cancelled. Reliving the experience, she said: 'Something spooked the horse. We thought we were going to die because we were heading for the railway crossing.

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December 09, 2008

No sale

...to anyone under 18 in the UK.  The product?  I'm going to make you click to see what it is.  And yes, the link is totally safe for work, unless you're a supermodel.

(h/t)

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December 08, 2008

Keep a better grip on that cigarette next time, citizen

The latest from the Nanny Fascists running Britain, a guy was fined £60 for having a cigarette knocked out of his hand when police were trying to apprehend two girls running out of a store.  The guy appealed and was threatened with a larger fine.  Here's how the council he appealed to responded,


Thanet council in Kent said it was happy with the way the incident in Margate had been dealt with.

'We take a zero tolerance approach to anyone who drops litter, including cigarette butts and chewing gum,' it said.

'No excuses will be accepted.'

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