Sadly Obligatory British Fail

Just a reminder that self defense is illegal in Britain:

A company director has been arrested on suspicion of attempted murder after confronting a gang of yobs who were attacking his stepson.

Colin Philpott, 58, allegedly stabbed a 16-year-old in the chest during the incident in the front garden of his £500,000 Tudor-style house.

He had awoken late on Friday night to discover stepson Alex Lee being beaten by the group of teenagers.

They can take my letter opener from my cold dead hands.

Posted by: Moron Pundit at 10:11 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Great news!

Well, great news if you happen to be a Limey sex offender, that is...

Paedophiles and rapists yesterday won the right to have their names removed from the Sex Offenders Register in a landmark human rights ruling.

Appeal Court judges ruled sex offenders who no longer pose a threat should be given the chance to have their names wiped off the police database.

The decision has outraged victims' groups who fear sexual predators will commit further crimes without any restrictions or supervision of their movements.

The case comes after two convicted sex attackers, including a child rapist, went to the High Court arguing that being on the register for life was a breach of their human rights.

Yeah, I like that "human" part. Clever, that.

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George Orwell, rolling, grave, etc.

"Anarchy In The U.K." is looking less and less like a petulant punk stance and more and more like a valid rallying cry...

Little-noticed measures passed by the Government will allow officers and Olympics officials to enter homes and shops near official venues to confiscate any protest material.

See, this is why we have an actual written Constitution that guarantees our freedoms as citizens against government encroachment on those rights.

Oh, wait...

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We're not the only ones with a Hopey-Changey foreign policy

Proof of reincarnation?

Gordon Brown shows us that skittle-shitting unicorns are actually an international phenomenon:

The Prime Minister said US-brokered talks next year could pave the way for the UK to reduce its 160-warhead arsenal in return for proof from would-be nuclear states they had stopped their weapons programmes.

Speaking at a G8 summit in Italy, Mr Brown insisted there was no question of abandoning plans to replace the Trident weapons system.

But he signalled the number of British warheads and nuclear-armed submarines could be reduced as part of a new international agreement.

He said: "What we need is collective action by the nuclear weapons powers to say that we are prepared to reduce our nuclear weapons, but we need assurances also that other countries will not proliferate them."

[...]

In exchange for the cuts, Mr Brown suggested that aspiring nuclear states would have to accept new requirements on non-proliferation, possibly including international inspections.

"The onus will be on countries that do not have nuclear weapons to prove they do not have nuclear weapons," Mr Brown told reporters in L'Aquila, Italy.

Yeah, and those assurances from the Norks and the Mad Mullahs in Iran have historically been proven to be worth their weight in...well, I'd say bullshit, but you can actually use bullshit to make fertilizer, which is useful.

I know Lady Thatcher hasn't been in the best of health lately, but perhaps she could be summoned to give Brown a much-needed punch in the dick.

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Where we may be heading

Well, here's a horrifying glimpse of the not-too-distant future if the GOP can't get its act together in 2010 or 2012, courtesy of our friends across the pond:

More than one million jobless Britons have been living off state handouts for more than 12 years, it has emerged.

A hardcore army of unemployed have failed to find any sort of work since Labour came to power in 1997.

Yeah. That's just super. Now, imagine the Dems in control of at least two of our branches of government for the forseeable future and their buddies at ACORN feeling their oats, and there we are.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:51 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Let Europe sink

Europeans vote in Marxists and wonder why things turn to shit, then they vote in Fascists and wonder why things turn to shit, and then turn around and vote in more Marxist authoritarians.  If this is the future the Europeans want, I say let them have it, and we don't save them from themselves anymore, they'll either figure out that statism doesn't work or die trying.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 03:25 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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This Is Why We Have A "FAIL Britannia!" Tag

Thank you, Royal Mail, for this bit of levity.

Royal Mail chiefs wrote to Ken Ridge claiming that six-month-old Illy had attacked a postal worker.

Mail deliveries to the house could now be suspended as a result of the attack on the woman, he was told.

Mr Ridge, 65, who lives in Clapham, South London, with his 30-year-old son Bradley, said: 'We were not around when this happened, but it seems some mail was put through the letterbox and their hand was scratched.

'Illy is only a kitten and I am sure she was just playing.   

'Then we got a letter from the mail delivery office warning our deliveries could be stopped.'   

Signed by office manager Mayo Sonubi the letter said: 'I am writing to let you know that, on June 6, our postman was attacked by your animal in your premises while delivering mail to your address.

'Animal attacks are a major cause of injury to Royal Mail staff and so I am writing to seek your co-operation in preventing a repeat of this unfortunate incident.

'I must advise you that, if any further incidents of this nature are allowed to take place, I shall have no alternative other than to consider suspending the delivery of mail to your home.'  

Posted by: eddiebear at 04:55 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Well, now I can say the Brits have done something right in recent memory

But the UK's fixation on failing at everything else, compounded by my extreme laziness prevents me from making a WIN tag for them.  But if we had one, this would go in it.  As sophistimicated as the Brits are, they seem to love trashy American television, but they do redeem themselves with one show, as Rachel Lucas reports.  Airwolf has apparently made its way across the pond!  Fortunately for us, we have access to Airwolfy awesomeness anytime, anywhere.  *USA! USA! USA!*

Of course, who can forget Alex Cord's open letter to the Moron-in-Chief?

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An Idea So Stupid, Only The Nanny State Could Push It

Anti-stab knives?

The first “anti-stab” knife is to go on sale in Britain, designed to work as normal in the kitchen but to be ineffective as a weapon.

The knife has a rounded edge instead of a point and will snag on clothing and skin to make it more difficult to stab someone.

It was invented by industrial designer John Cornock, who was inspired by a documentary in which doctors advocated banning traditional knives.

Mr Cornock, 42, from Swindon, said that the knife will cut vegetables, but will make it almost impossible to stab someone to death and will reduce the risk of accidental injuries.

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Golfers arrested in UK for beating down attackers

A group of yoots armed with boards approached a group of golfers and demanded they hand their clubs over.  Golfers told the yoots to fuck themselves, melee ensued, the yoots got their shit handed to them, and the golfers get arrested.  We'll see if the other yoots are arrested after they leave the hospital, one already has. 

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Twittish pubs

It seems our cousins across the pond are doing their best to regulate traditional pub life out of existence:

Traditionally pubs have been highly individualized places, distinguished by their eccentric furnishings, varied clientele, and the differing characters of their landlords. Some pubs went in for beer tankards, others for old photos. And while strict landlords kicked everyone out at 11:10 p.m., others let you stick around for an hour or offered "lock-ins." Now pubs are distinguished by their local council's brand of regulation. Preston Council banned "vertical drinking" (drinking standing up). Many other pubs have prohibited drinking outside, or will only allow drinking behind a line on the pavement. In a Home Office test-scheme in Yeovil, customers are fingerprinted and photographed at the pub door, and local pubs will "share information" on drinkers.

Well, that's a little disturbing, now innit?

Believe it or not, the thing about "vertical drinking" isn't the most ridiculous part of the article. Read the whole thing and wonder how these candy-asses are the descendants of the people who survived the Blitz and once ruled over one of the largest empires the world had ever seen. Seriously, I think they need Zombie Churchill to come back and sort them out.

Posted by: Sean M. at 08:41 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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You can just see it coming

So, some Limey study says that you should eat less beef and lamb if you want to save the planet from grobell wermering because of those animals'...er...emissions. That's not the part that piqued my interest, though:

The study also found that alcoholic drinks contribute significantly to emissions, with the growing and processing of hops and malt into beer and whisky producing 1.5 per cent of Britain's greenhouse gases.

"Changing our lifestyles, including our diets, is going to be one of the crucial elements in cutting carbon emissions," said David Kennedy, chief executive of the Committee on Climate Change.

Aaaaaaaand there's a "carbon tax" on alcoholic beverages (not to mention beef and lamb) in...3...2...1...

Posted by: Sean M. at 12:05 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Leave It To The Nanny State To Mess With Your Booze Consumption.

Fucking Nanny Staters.

Drinkers in pubs are to be told to stand in a queue and banned from ordering more than two drinks at a time at the bar.

Rope barriers similar to those used in shops and post offices will be installed to keep customers in line.

The plan has been proposed following concern over disorder and violence in a town centre's bars.

The two-drink limit is intended to curb binge-drinking and stop customers ordering large amounts of alcohol. In addition, customers would not be allowed to drink while queuing.

But critics say the 'nanny state' restrictions will end the convivial British tradition of drinkers buying rounds for their friends.

Mark Hastings, of the British Beer And Pub Association, said: 'We have no problem with tackling problem drinking but this is not the way to go about it.

'These measures are costly, unnecessary and totally disproportionate at a time when around 40 pubs are closing every week.

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Now The Nanny State Is Wanting Your Second Graders To Serve As Spies

Seriously, what the fuck? Anybody else disturbed by this?

They are given information packs about how to collect evidence, including tips about writing down numberplates, which could later be used in criminal prosecutions.

Luton Borough Council's Street Seen scheme encourages its 650 volunteers to report 'environmental concerns'. It is also recruiting 'Junior Street Champions', aged between seven and 11.

Primary schools could also be involved within two years.

Similarly, Islington Council in north London has recruited 1,200 'Islington Eyes' to report crime hotspots, fly-tipping and excess noise from DIY.

Volunteers are given a list of things to do when confronted with fly-tippers, including taking photos 'without being seen'.

Last year the council undertook a recruitment drive for youngsters aged nine and above, called Junior Eyes.

Children are given special books to write down reports on littering or graffiti in their schools, which they then send to the council.

A spokesman for Islington town hall said: 'It's not possible for the council to see what's going on in the borough at all times, so our Eyes for Islington are a great help, reporting issues such as dangerous footpaths, fly-tipping and graffiti.'

Welwyn Hatfield Council in Hertfordshire has given its 13 volunteers handheld computers to take photographs of problem areas.

The information is then uploaded to a map of trouble spots.

Overall, a total of 8,442 volunteers have signed up at 17 councils in England. Other councils are set to follow their example and set up their own networks of volunteers.

They say the scheme helps them find out about problems which they might not know about otherwise. But critics are worried the schemes could easily be abused and encourage a 'Big Brother society'.

The move comes as local authorities dish out £100 fines to householders who leave out too much rubbish or fail to follow recycling rules.

Now I have even more incentive to stay away from my nieces and nephews.

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Binge Britain Or A DPUD Get Together?

You decide.

Earlier this week the Home Office announced plans to introduce a mandatory code to crackdown on all on 'all you can drink' style promotions.

The plans followed a recent study by Cardiff University based on data from 49 A&E departments across England and Wales.

The study cited binge-drinking as one of the main reasons for the first rise in hospital admissions for violent attacks in seven years.

Usually venturing into Cardiff city centre on a Saturday night, Maciej has photographed an array of characters from wild stag and hen parties to students letting their hair down.

However, despite the often good-natured antics, Maciej is sometimes taken aback by the levels of drinking involved.

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Morons, meet the girl of your dreams

She can even drink YOU under the table.

A 17-year-old girl who drinks a litre of vodka and eight cans of beer every day has admitted spending most of her £47-a-week benefits on alcohol.

Jamie-Lee Day claims that she would rather buy vodka than food and boasts 'she can drink absinthe like water'.

Pic below the fold, it's not NSFW but...

more...

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Your evening dose of UK FAIL

Some street punk gets busted for possession of a switchblade and brass knuckles.  Part of his sentence involved doing community service wearing a blaze orange road work vest with "Community Payback" written on it, that identifies him as the low rent guttersnipe that he is. 

Well, said guttersnipe complained and told a judge he wasn't going to wear it because it was embarrassing and he didn't like it and it violated his civil blah, blah, blah...long story short, judge agreed, and wants a hearing to be held in a higher court to see if the punk has to wear the stupid vest.  

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The sun never sets on British FAIL

Mark Steyn wrote this over the weekend before Captain Phillips was rescued, but it's still woth a read, especially for this bit of Epic Britannic FAIL:

Meanwhile, the Royal Navy, which over the centuries did more than anyone to rid the civilized world of the menace of piracy, now declines even to risk capturing their Somali successors, having been advised by Her Majesty’s Government that, under the European Human Rights Act, any pirate taken into custody would be entitled to claim refugee status in the United Kingdom and live on welfare for the rest of his life. I doubt Pirates of the Caribbean would have cleaned up at the box office if the big finale had shown Geoffrey Rush and his crew of scurvy sea dogs settling down in council flats in Manchester and going down to the pub for a couple of jiggers of rum washed down to cries of “Aaaaargh, shiver me benefits check, lad.” From “Avast, me hearties!” to a vast welfare scam is not progress.

As they say, read the whole thing.

Posted by: Sean M. at 07:09 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Wow! Somebody In The British Government Must Really Love Japanese ProN

Here is where the Fail Britannia tag is appropriate.

"We were alerted today, we took immediate action, we removed the link and we are now investigating."

According to the BBC, the Home Office said the site it had initially linked to had since become defunct, and a new company had taken it over, without giving details.

The revelation is the second pornography-related embarrassment for the ministry in as many weeks.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was last week forced to refund expense claims filed on her behalf which showed her husband had watched two pay-per-view pornographic films.

Smith has said she was "mortified" to discover the pay-per-view movies had been submitted inadvertently as part of her expense claim for running her family home.

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Big Brother is watching you

No, seriously, the UK is going to now track every place someone in the UK goes online, and read every email.

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 08:58 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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